Unemployment

If you've read anything that I've been posting over the last month or two, you really should know that I'm unemployed. My degree was posted to my transcripts on Thursday of this last week. With that, I am now fully unemployed, with no doubts about it. I've also been rejected from just as many jobs as ever recently and have been applying to yet more. I honestly don't think there's anything more that I can do... legally... that would more effectively help me find a job. Also, at my interview with WTI, I found out that I would be perfectly qualified for the job, that they wanted to hire me, and that I could start almost immediately, however, the job pays a glorious $11 and hour. And lest you think, "Well, you should just take what you can get," I should inform or remind you that my education was, in large part, financed with debt and that I owe in the neighborhood of $20,000 on those loans. A paltry $11 an hour is literally not enough for me to pay my bills and eat. (Trust me, I made an Excel spreadsheet and tried to squeeze my finances as much as I could, but without selling my blood plasma 6 times a week, I can't live on $11 an hour.) So, I'm pretty much left at square one. I have no job, no offers, have had one joke of an interview, and very few prospects for the future. To convolute matters, my father has issued the ultimatum that I must move out of his house by February 13th, 2011... which is about the same time my student loans come due.

So, all of this makes me really wonder what the *H* I'm going to do with my life if I don't have a job by that all-important date on the calendar. At this point, I think I would pack some limited amount of my crap into a bag and make my way back to Provo, somehow, someway. At that point I would probably bum places to sleep and meals off of whoever I could until I could find something on which my time is worth spending. One of my friends in Provo, Paul Bascom, mentioned that it would be a good idea to start an Arrested Development-esque banana stand in Provo. Honestly, I think this is a great idea and wouldn't mind contributing. Heck, since I'm genuinely unemployed, I could work there pretty much everyday that we'd be open, and maybe even make enough money to pay my bills... who knows.

At the same time, I've kind of been wondering if I should just become a legitimate hobo, since we're in the midst of the Great Depression v2.0 and my preferred industry has been hit especially hard. I think I might enjoy hopping on trains and making my way across the country; meeting up with other hobos and swapping hobo stories. Maybe find someplace to shower and then drop off a few résumés along the way. And heck, with Obamacare, I don't even have to worry about getting dysentery, since all expenses are paid by the United States government. Eating out of the dumpster behind Fazoli's just became that much more practical. At the same point, there are some implicit occupational hazards associated with being a hobo. Douchebags like the kind of douchebags who watch Jackass like to pick fights with hobos wherever they may end up. And people just generally like to kick and assault hobos just because they can. I think I'd have to cover this problem by carrying around a hobo knife with me. Like the hobo from the Simpsons sang, "Nothin' beats the hobo life, stabbin' folks with my hobo knife!" In this case, I think I'd have to carry around the Sog Seal 2000 that I got for Christmas a few years back. This thing has about a 6-in long, hardened steel blade that could puncture just about any portion of the human body... and is used by the Navy Seals, in case you couldn't tell. And if you're a hobo, the government can't come and collect you student loans. I'd have no permanent address and no assets to speak of... what are they going to do? Seize my ephing knapsack? I don't think so.

You might also wonder why, if I'm going to live as a hobo anyway, would I not just take a crappy $11 an hour job and then live under a bridge with a PO Box. Well, I've clearly thought of that, and there are several problems. Not the least of these is that, when you have a job, your boss co-workers, and everyone around you expects you to shower more or less daily. Not happening as a hobo. Additionally, I have the slightest sense of entitlement that tells me, "If I'm going to be working my @$$ off to make some money, I'm going to have a roof over my head." Honestly, I don't think that this is too much to expect. The last problem that I could foresee would be the lack of flexibility. The only reason why I'd live the hobo life is so that I could hop trains and end up in new places based on my arbitrary desires. I would be the master of my own destiny, regardless of how bleak that destiny actually was. If I had to be my boss' b*tch during the day, then get kicked by douchebags at night, with no promise of reprieve, I would almost certainly go homicidal... and probably suicidal too. It would really be the worst of both worlds.

All aspirations of being a hobo aside, the BYU STEM career fair is on the 22nd of September... and there's even another one on February 1st of next year. I'm hoping that I can find something remotely promising at that event, or at least pick up some good schwagg that will help me live my life as a hobo. I'm also just going to keep applying for jobs and try to have the blessing of the Lord with me, since I think we both know that that's the only way that someone's going to find a job in this crapconomy.

Dear Hiring Managers,

Recently I've heard a lot about how you monitor all of my activity on social networking sites, track my credit and spend habits, and may or may not be putting a 'wire' tap on my phone to monitor my calls and/or text messages. With this in mind, I will take a glorious opportunity to explain to you why I should become part of your company as an entry-level engineer, construction manager, or intern. If you're here, you've probably already seen my résumé, cover letter, college transcripts, and maybe even my credit history, criminal background, and driving record, so I won't focus too much on the things covered by those media. I will instead focus on the things you'll find on my social networking sites, and in my various communications with my friends.

The first thing that I'd like to point out to you is my clean and well-behaved lifestyle. As you can see from my photos and posts on facebook and twitter, I'm not much into riotous living with lots of booze, drugs, and strange women. I like to live my life in a way that I can think clearly and rationally most every second of the day. If I was allowed an opportunity at your company, I'd be able to focus on the goals and objectives that were set before me by management instead of being distracted and chemically modified by a riotous lifestyle. I'd like to think that I am just more wise and sagacious than most 22 year-old men out there and that my interests and activities reflect such.

The next thing that I'd like to point out is that I do have a personality and a sense of humor, but I assure you that I know where the line needs to be drawn between humor and professionalism. I believe that I could bring an upbeat feeling and a sense of lightheartedness to many offices. However, I also know and can recognize that there are many situations in which any humor is entirely inappropriate. As you can probably see, I enjoy making playful jokes with my friends and acquaintances, but I know that there are many situations in business which call for professionalism and a stoic character.

Reading through this blog in particular, you may have concerns that I would not be able to work well with or around women. I would assure you, however that any issue that I have with women is only at the romantic level of a relationship. As long as there is no romance between me and a women in the office, there would be no problem. Along those same lines, I am personally no particularly fond of workplace romance, so that would be a minimal concern. I would also have no problem working with others of different races, religions, colors, creeds, age groups, etc.

Finally, I would like to point out that this blog serves as somewhat of a writing sample. Though I would be more involved in technical writing, I would like to point out I am generally pretty good at putting my ideas down in writing. I rarely edit or proofread these blog posts for content or mechanics, but they usually end up turning out exceptionally well. In a work setting, my writing would even improve because I would take the time to double and triple check my writing for mechanical errors and for content since it would certainly be worth my time.

Overall, I believe that the content of my social networking sites and other communications with my friends should not act as a deterrent to adding me as a new member of your company, but should give some insight into why you should hire me. I believe that I would make an excellent asset to any company and would love to have to opportunity to prove my worth, not only intellectually, but with my personality as well.

SWOT Analysis of my Life

Recently in both my marketing and HR classes, we've talked about "SWOT Analysis." This method of analyzing a business looks at the both the internal factors of a business' potential progress (strengths and weaknesses) and the external factors (opportunities and threats). I figure that at this juncture, it really couldn't hurt to do this kind of analysis for my own life to help me to attain both my relatively short-term goals and my more long term goals. Some of these goals include: getting a job for after college, getting married, being a halfway decent person both morally and socially, and achieving exaltation and eternal life after this life is said and done. Certainly not an inclusive list of goals but a good start... Anywho, on to the analysis:

Strengths

• Pure Intelligence - It was Marion Morrison who said, "Life is hard, and it's even harder if you're stupid." In my case, I have intelligence on the order of about 4.5 standard deviations above average and it will serve me well in achieving almost all of my goals, as long as I don't begin to suppose that I'm smarter than God, that's always a dangerous path.
• In the Long-term, a Useful Degree - Though right now I kind of feel like I've been getting a very-much-more-difficult-than-usual BA in English for the last 4 years, after the Great Depression v2.0 passes, my degree will actually regain value and I should... SHOULD be able to actually find good jobs that will pay reasonably well.
• My Testimony - I don't feel bad telling all 4 people who read my blag that is says in my patriarchal blessing that my testimony will become a cherished possession. While this hasn't happened yet, I at least know, on the most basic level possible that The Christ is the redeemer of my soul and that the Eternal God loves me whether I feel it or not. And along with this knowledge come hope for the future in this life and hope for the things of a better world, as Ether put it.

Weaknesses

• Social Awkwardness - Based on the way my parents raised me, it's almost a miracle that I made it out of high school alive. People who know me well can tell you that I have virtually negligible shame and am likely to say and do things that will make you feel awkward in social situations; and Aric F@$$w@$$ was even willing to give me an award in the same. This lack of PCness is also combined with the fact that I'm an engineer and have spent several hours a day for the past 4 years in the Clyde Building and just generally that I'm a Mormon. It all adds up to quite a bit of social awkwardness.
• Lack of RM Badge - Serving a full-time, proselyting mission is an absolute right of passage for young men in the LDS Church. Most young, LDS men will tell you that their mission was the "Best two year of their life." I didn't have those two years. I'm perfect willing to admit that ever since I didn't go on a mission, I've had a harder time finding sufficient motivation to live the gospel as I know it to be true. Even the temple of God itself has become a house of remorse and lamentation... and full of old, pretentious douchebags who ask any dude in the baptismal font when he's going on a mission. Also, if you'd told me when I was 18 that first dates could be more awkward than they already were, I would have laughed you to scorn. However the standard first date question, "Where did you serve your mission?" has done a disturbingly good job proving 18-year-old me wrong.
• Insanity - You might think that I'm joking and/or exaggerating when I say that I'm friggin' crazy. I would submit that you're only right some of the time. As an update to my last post, I am not qualified for Army OCS because I've been treating for chemical imbalances in my brain. I don't know if the Air Force has similar qualification standards... it hasn't come up. In some very limited contexts, being crazy might help me to obtain my goals, but for the most part, it's just a hindrance and a limitation as far as I can tell.
• Physical Fitness - The 89th section of the Doctrine and Covenants says that those who abide by its precepts will be able to run and not be weary. I've clearly not been following that counsel very well. A lack of physical fitness could very well keep me out of the military for good and is certainly not an asset when trying attract a potential spouse. In the long term, I could end up living like my Grandpa on my dad's side who has had at least 5 heart attacks of varying severity and can barely get up out of chair without being short of breath.

Opportunities

• Cars and Money - If, by the grace of God, I am actually blessed to find a job in my chosen field, I will, for pretty much the first time in my life, be able to afford a car and not live below the poverty line. This will give me much greater opportunity to have fun, do good in the world, and maybe, just maybe the benefits of dating might exceed the social and emotion costs. And if you haven't seen the Good Charlotte Song, you should. PS-The video for that song looks suspiciously like the Single Adults dance that I saw 5 minutes of in Cedar City.
• HDR & RKCI - Probably my best opportunities for employment are with HDR in Denver and with RKCI in the Utah Valley. A few weeks ago, I talked with one of the PM's for HDR who lives in my stake back home and he said that they recently got the contract to design an extension of the light rail system in Denver and they would need to staff that soon. Anyone who has driven through Lehi, UT over the past few weeks has noticed that there's massive construction going on on I-15 in this area. To most this in an inconvenience, but to me it is a sign of sweet, glorious progress. RKCI won the contract to oversee quality control on the I-15 core designs and has been hiring recent graduates in Civil Engineering and Construction Management.
• Women - Over the past several weeks, I've met several women who I'd like to get to know better, which doesn't necessarily happen very often. Let me just say that my current ward is freaking awesome and I wouldn't mind living around here for several more years, even if it meant living in an insect-infested dump. I'm sure that there are nice women all around, but dang, Hampton Court is where it's at. :D

Threats

• Crapconomy - I never would have thought in 2002, when I decided that I wanted to become a civil engineer that some douchebag* would enact AA reform that was meant to give minorities a better opportunity for home ownership, but really just allowed I-banker types to speculate in the housing market. Since this actually did happen, the demand for Civil Engineers has shifted down significantly as those who were working in private development move to whatever projects are left and government infrastructure spending nationwide grinds to a halt. What it all adds up to in 2010 is that anyone without 5 years experience and/or a masters degree isn't going to find a job in civil engineering very easily anytime soon.
• Obamacare - Sometimes I wonder if Barack Obama sits in the Oval Office and thinks, "Hmm, how can I screw over William 'The Hands' White today?" I'm sure that Obamacare benefits somebody (who's probably black, btw) ,but it's certainly not me. Since my health care provider knows that it will have to cover more prospective college graduates soon under Obamacare, it's getting rid of the ones it has now in order to cut its losses. Additionally, uncertainty in the future of health care is making its costs increase, making something that was unaffordable two years ago, ridiculously expensive. With the crapconomy the way it is, if I don't have a job in the next month, I'm not going to have any health insurance... period, and I will be thoroughly Ephed. PS-Vote Republican.
• Militant Feminazism - Over the past few years, I've liked to say, "If chivalry is dead, it was choked out by the smoke of flaming bras," or something like that. More recent generations of women seem to feel entitled to an equal opportunity, and even worse, equal outcome with their male counterparts without sharing in any of the negative aspects or burdens. My generation, in the world, seems to like to minimize and reduce as much as possible the differentiation between men and women. The Latter-day Saints of my generation seem to do the same thing, but to a much lesser degree (ie. without militaristic enforcement) and only picking and choosing the situations in which women should be indifferentiable from men. Overall, militant feminazism is the greatest threat to my desire and ability to procure a spouse... and I might just have to devote an entire blag post to my views on it.

So there you have it. To me, this is scarier than $h1+ and kinda makes me want to cower away in a corner. However I have hope that all will work out and that I will be able to use my strengths and opportunities and the knowledge of my weaknesses and threats to my advantage to be able to achieve both my short and long-term goals.

*It's probably best that I don't know who this douchebag is, because I would find him and shank him in the face with a red-hot cast iron prison shiv.

The Evidence Just Keeps Pouring In

Over the past few days... or weeks... or months... I haven't really kept track actually, I've been noticing more and more evidence that I am completely off of my rocker insane. In this entry, I will present some of this new-found evidence to you.

Exhibit A-I've recently decided that I would like to pursue a Management (aka Business Management) minor. After all, even the most valuable engineering knowledge doesn't do you any good without knowledge of how the world and world markets work. Additionally, it's really good for the resume in such a volatile economy... And I just kinda want to be like Catbert and/or Dogbert from the Dilbert cartoons... with a little bit of Wally mixed in. :D

Exhibit A.1-I've decided that I'd like to complete the aforementioned minor in no more time than I had previously planned to obtain a BS in Civil Engineering with no minor. This means that I'll be taking such classes as: Structural Analysis, CE Materials, Traffic Engineering, Structural Steel Design, Soil Mechanics, Capstone, and Reinforced Concrete Design along with classes for the minor.

Exhibit A.2-This will mean that I will need to take 17.5 credit hours for both next fall and winter semesters as well as 7 for next spring and 9 for next summer. Since I haven't finished all my generals, this won't be as bad as it sounds on paper, and my GPA won't even necessarily have to suffer, but holy $h*7 I thought I had no free time before!

Exhibit B-After returning home and living again with my parents for about a month and a half, I've found that I have a burning and undeniable urge to go back to Provo. Yes, I said PROVO, P-R-O-V-O... Provo. I wish to return to the land of euphemisms, RMs, and NCMO for one sole reason... it's 500 miles away from my parents.

Exhibit C-Tonight I found myself reading my textbook for CE En 305 A/B-Civil Engineering Materials... just for shiggles. And the worst part about it was that I was actually entertained by it. I could have easily watched TV or played Mario Kart until my neurons started to leak out of my ears, but no... I found myself unable to put down the 2nd edition of "Materials for Civil and Construction Engineers."

Exhibit D-A lot of men joke about how they would prefer handguns to women... There are endless links to the same top 10 list that chronicles how "Handguns works correctly everyday of the month," and "You can buy a silencer for a handgun." But since I acquired Nikki [my Glock 17 (See entry titled "2 things")] I've found that I actually prefer her company to that of most women. I haven't quite gotten to level of having full conversations with her or sleeping with her in my bed... but it's headed that way.

Exhibit E-I've recently been thinking about names for my potential children that would be the most sadistic. Of course there's "Snow White" for a girl or "Off White" for either, but I knew I could do better than that. How about marrying a black woman and naming one of our kids "Half White?" That kid would legitimately hate me. I could name my kid after a species of quail "Bob White," and of course, his full name would have to be "Bobert." Or I could be a real douche and name my kid, first name: Black, middle name: And, last name: White. That kid would kill me in my sleep. But then there are also good sets of initials that I could give my children. I've thought about Jacob Ezekiel White. Then there would be Sarah Anne White. If one of my girls was really fat I could name her Corinne Olivia White... The list goes on and on.

I guess the jury's still out on my insanity, but I'm just saying, that at the rate I'm going, things aren't looking good. :)