A Secret Combination

A few weeks ago, I received an email from someone associated with the American Society of Civil Engineers (ASCE) about joining the Order of the Engineer.  This organization is a group of engineers who take an oath to be ethical in their designs, and to generally do what is right and best for the profession.  All who have graduated with at least a bachelor's degree in engineering are welcome to join.  The members of this organization wear a stainless steel (or wrought iron in Canada) ring on the pinky finger of their dominant hand to remind them of the oath they've made.

The Engineer's Ring

I thought it was a good idea in principle, but something felt just slightly off about it (in addition to the fact that I'm allergic to Chromium (II) Oxide).  I then read the Order of the Engineer website about the engineer's ring itself:

"In Canada, the Engineer’s Ring is a wrought iron ring accepted by engineers inducted into the Ritual of the Calling of an Engineer in a secret ceremony."

And it struck me that this order was basically a group who had covenanted to do good, but not in the name of the Lord.  Though this group is almost entirely harmless in both the temporal and eternal scheme of things, it still qualifies as a secret combination.

As a latter-day saint, I believe that I've made a set of covenants of a higher order that includes not only ethical design behavior, but a strict moral code to go along with it.  My hesitance to join the Order of the Engineer was inspired by my oath to do good not only in the sight of society, but also in the eyes of God.  I've been called not only to honestly design things to the best of my ability, but also to abstain from substance abuse and sensuality, to help those who cannot help themselves, and to do all that the Lord asks of me.  The covenants of the Gospel of Christ are inclusive of those made by the Order of the Engineer and include many others.

Even though the Order of the Engineer is a secret combination, I still liked the idea of wearing a ring on one's dominant hand to remind him or her of their obligation to society and/or to God.  Then I was hit with a stroke of genius inspiration.  Mormons have a very similar thing called a CTR ring, (for Choose The Right, a popular hymn that almost all members know by heart) which are often made of silver.  Though it is not directly associated with the covenants made, it can be worn to remind one to do what it right.  So, I bought one and and now wear it on my right pinky finger.

A CTR ring.  Not quite the same as the one I got.

And, as a disclaimer, despite the abominable label I've given to Order of the Engineer, I actually think it's a great organization that encourages engineering ethics, particularly for those who aren't necessarily religious.  You should join if you're interested... and have at least a bachelor's degree in engineering... and aren't allergic to Chromium (II) Oxide.

The Algorithm

In order to solidify one's place in nerd history, one has to make a few things part of his/her everyday life. One of these is to try to quantify just about anything, regardless of how effectively it can truly be quantified. Another of these is to have a dysfunctional dating life such that one would be just as inclined to stay at home on Saturday nights and play MMORPGs than socialize with the opposite sex.

So naturally, last Saturday night I was sitting around in my Animal House pajamas when I got a brilliant idea. I would make an algorithm to quantify what sort of women I'm attracted to. Could this actually be useful? Perhaps. While I was at BYU, I often ended up not going on dates because of the paradox of choice, among ...many... other things. The algorithm could give a hierarchy to queue, such that I might know who I should take out. I don't claim that it will actually work out that way, but at least it's a nice thought.

So, here it is:

R = 0 For S > B

where

and

A = Attractiveness

P = Subjective Physical Attractiveness on a 1-10 scale
IQ = Intelligence Quotient
σE = Deviation of Eccentricities
σEM = My Deviation of Eccentricities
T = Testimony Factor, 1-10 scale
C = Charity Factor, 1-10 scale
R = Responsibility Factor, 1-10 scale
B = Perception of Time Spent in Constructive Activity (B stands for 'Books'), Percent
Tw = Perception of Time Spent in Things that Look like Constructive Activity but Aren't (Tw stands for 'Twilight'), Percent
S = Perception of Time Spent in non-Constructive Activity (S stands for 'Shopping'), Percent
H = Humor Factor, 1-10 scale
FG = Pro 2nd Amendment, 1-10 scale
AR = Reciprocal Attraction, 1-10 scale

There are six separate pieces to this equation that all deserve to be looked at in more detail.

Emotional Stability, ES

The two sigma (σ) terms in the equation represent the number of standard deviations away from average the mental and emotional eccentricities of me and a prospective partner would be. In practice, this serves as the personality term of the equation. If I think that I and a prospective partner is way different from me, I could make the difference in sigma terms as high as 6, lowering the overall attractiveness. If I think that someone is similar to me in a way that would be conducive to a relationship, I could make the difference in sigmas zero, so that the 'Big 3' term wouldn't be divided up at all.

The Big 3 Parameter, 2P(IQ-70)/ES

The 'Big 3' represents the three points of most emphasis when looking for a date: looks, brains, and personality. This parameter can vary anywhere from 0 to 1200, making it approximately 46% of the equation.

The Spirituality Parameter, 8T*C

This parameter is a simple product of my perceptions of testimony and charity. I've expressed my desire to end up with a woman who has a testimony and who lives according to that testimony in the past. Any woman who's a member of the church will probably end up with at least 7s in both testimony and charity unless I know she's involved in sketchy activity. Variance of 0 to 800, 31% of the total.

The (Anal) Retentiveness Parameter, R(B-T-S)*H/25

Basically, I want a woman who's responsible, but knows how to laugh at things when they're funny. Through much of my life, I've noticed that there are often women who read and women who go shopping. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with shopping, I'm just making an analogy to priorities between something I find constructive, like reading and something I find mostly non-constructive, like shopping. In the world of books, there's also crap that looks good, but really isn't at its core, like Twilight. The same applies to life. As a side note, everyone needs to have non-constructive activity once in a while in order to remain sane. This isn't reflected in the equation and is one of its weaknesses. In order to keep the term from going negative (and thus punishing for humor) R is taken to zero when S exceeds B. I should also mention that this factor tends to not favor younger women, who don't look as responsible as their older counterparts, even though they could have been just as responsible at the same age. I considered using an age correction factor, but decided against it. Variance of 0-400, 15% of the total.

The Gun Factor, FG

I like firearms, and I wish everyone else did too. Especially for women in this day and age, knowledge of how to use a gun is a valuable tool that could save one's life. I have to bump down women who don't feel this way a notch, especially when their reasoning is something naïve like "Guns kill people." Variance of 0 to 100, 4% of the total.

Reciprocal Attraction, AR

People are generally more fond of people who like them. I'm not sure this needs any more explanation than that. Variance of 0 to 100, 4% of the total.

The theoretical total of this equation comes out to 2600 points, though that would be ridiculous, just like scoring a 0 would be ridiculous. Most women will probably come out to somewhere between 850 and 1750, though I don't know for sure because I haven't really tried it out much yet. However, I have tried it out, so here are some case studies.

Case Studies

The first evaluation is a woman (yes, she is real... as far as I know) who I find very attractive physically, mentally, and emotionally. This woman manages to remind me of my good qualities without really showing my bad ones. In short, she's a gem. We'll call this woman 'Exhibit B' for anonymity's sake.

Exhibit B

The next is of a woman who exemplifies the Everclean song, "Sweet Spirit" with tragic precision. She's a great person, but I could literally find nothing, from head to toe, that I found physically attractive about her, and trust me, I tried.

Sweet Spirit

This next one is a younger woman I met my senior year at BYU. She's weird, but in a similar way to me. She had great priorities and a sneaky sense of humor, though she ignored me about half the time, so I'm not sure how that would have worked out. We'll call her 'Princess Zelda.'

Princess Zelda

Now, I'm sure you'd love to know how fiancées 1 and 2 stack up. So here you go.

Fiancée #1 (Clearly thinking with the wrong head)

Fiancée #2 (Might have killed me in my sleep if we got married)

So that's how it works. As a footnote to this blag post, I'd like to mention that I developed this algorithm primarily with the goal of picking out dates and bringing order to the queue rather than picking a spouse. Personally, there's one big thing that's missing from this methodology that would be key to picking a spouse and that's sanity. The ES factor helps quantify it, but if fiancée #2 was to be truly rated on sanity, she's go from 1429 to -138 instantaneously. I like quantifying things, but I think picking the one should be a separate deal.

So here's to me (maybe) having a semi-functional relationship with women. Cheers!

I Clearly Have Too Much Time On My Hands

...because I just ranked all of the classes I took as an undergrad. The format is: Class Code - Class Name: Instructor, Term, Grade.

1. CE En 421 - Structural Steel Design: Paul Richards, Winter 2010, A
2. CE En 321 - Structural Analysis: Rick Balling, Fall 2009, A
3. CE En 341 - Elementary Soil Mechanics: Travis Gerber, Winter 2010, A-
4. CE En 332 - Hydraulics and Fluid Flow Theory: Rollin Hotchkiss, Winter 2009, A-
5. Rel A 121 - Book of Mormon: Camille Fronk-Olsen, Fall 2007, A
6. Acc 200 - Principles of Accounting: Norm Nemrow, Winter 2010, A
7. Bus M 380 - Executive Lectures: Cheryl McBeth, Fall 2009, A
   
8. Ex Sc 116 - Beginning Bowling: The Asian Dude, Spring 2009, A
9. CE En 204 - Dynamics: Dr. C, Fall 2008, A-
10. CE En 112 - Engineering Graphics and CAD: Clyne Curtis, Fall 2007, A
11. CE En 103 - Statics: Dr. C, Fall 2007, A-
    
12. Geol 330 - Geology for Engineers: Randy Skinner, Spring 2008, A-
13. Rel C 234 - LDS Marriage and Family: Kent Brooks, Fall 2008, A
14. Stat 221 - Principles of Statistics: Perpetua Nielsen, Spring 2008, A
15. Math 112 - Calculus I: Don't Remember, Fall 2006, A
16. CE En 461 - Geometric Design of Highways: Mitsuru Saito, Spring 2008, A-
17. Rel A 212 - New Testament: Camille Fronk-Olsen, Winter 2009, A
18. CE En 424 - Reinforced Concrete Design: Paul Richards, Spring 2010, B+
19. CE En 433 - Hydraulic Engineering: Wood Miller, Spring 2009, B+
20. CE En 305A - Metals, Woods, and Composites: Dave Jensen, Fall 2009, A
21. CE En 203 - Mechanics of Materials: Dr. C, Winter 2008, A-
22. CE En 305B - Concrete, Masonry, and Asphalt: Spencer Guthrie, Fall 2009, A-
23. Rel C 324 - Doctrine and Covenants: Guy Dorius, Fall 2008, A
24. Econ 110 - Econ Principles and Problems: Matt Butler, Spring 2010, A-
25. CE En 113 - Engineering Measurements: Dr. Reese, Spring 2008, A
26. Engl 316 - Technical Communication: Nicole Wistisen, Winter 2010, A-
27. Physics 123 - Physics II: Dave Allred, Fall 2007, B+
28. Math 214 - Multivariable Calculus: Emma Turner, Winter 2008, B+
29. CE En 351 - Environmental Engineering: Gus Williams, Winter 2009, A-
30. Chem 106 - Principles of Chem II: Dr. Herrick, Winter 2007, A
31. Psych 111 - General Psychology: Mikel(?) South, Winter 2008, A
32. Rel C 325 - Doctrine and Covenants: Randy Bott, Winter 2010, A
33. Bus M 340 - Marketing: Doug Witt, Summer 2010, A-
34. Rel A 122 - Book of Mormon: Sherrie Johnson, Winter 2008, A
35. Chem 105 - Principles of Chem I: Dr. Seger, Fall 2006, B
36. CE En 361 - Intro to Transportation Engrg: Grant Schultz, Winter 2009, B+
37. Engl 150 - Writing & Rhetoric: Sarah Jenkins, Fall 2007, B
38. CE En 470 - Senior Design (kind of): Wood Miller, Winter 2010, A-
39. Bio 100 - Principles of Biology: Sis. Jefferies (I think), Fall 2009, A-
40. Bus M 300 - Finance: Lise Crawford, Summer 2010, B+
41. Physics 121 - Physics 1: Alex Flournoy, Winter 2007, B
42. CE En 562 - Traffic Engineering: Mitsuru Saito, Fall 2009, B+
43. CE En 270 - Computational Methods: James Nelson, Fall 2008, B
44. Org B 320 - Human Resources: None Really, Summer 2010, A-
45. Math 113 - Calculus II: Don't Remember, Winter 2007, B
46. A Htg 100 - American Heritage: The Bald Guy, Fall 2007, B
47. Left 101 - That One Hippie Class: The Hippie Woman, Fall 2006, A
    
48. CE En 100A - Stupid Semenar: Michael Borup, Fall 2007, A-
49. CE En 100B - Stupid Semenar: Michael Borup, Winter 2008, C+
50. CE En 200A - Stupid Semenar: Michael Borup, Fall 2008, A-
51. CE En 200B - Stupid Semenar: Michael Borup, Winter 2009, B+
52. CE En 300A - Stupid Semenar: Michael Borup, Fall 2009, B+
53. CE En 400C - Even Stupider Semenar: Michael Borup, Winter 2010, A-
54. GYM 101 - Gym I: Don't Remember, Fall 2006, A
55. GYM 102 - Gym II: Don't Remember, Winter 2007, A
56. Pl Sc 201 - Western Political Heritage 1: Dr. Hancock, Fall 2008, B-
57. Pl Sc 202 - Western Political Heritage 2: The Canadian Guy, Winter 2009, C+
58. Math 334 - Ordinary Differential Equations: John Dallon, Fall 2008, C+
59. Math 343 - Elementary Linear Algebra: Jeff Humpherys, Fall 2007, C

Did I really take 59 classes while I was in college? In all honesty, I might have taken even more, as there might have been a class or two that I forgot about. Also, you've probably noticed that there's a nice correlation between my ranking of a class and my grade in the class, but don't get your cause and effect mixed up. For the most part, I got good grades in classes because I enjoyed them; I didn't enjoy classes because I got good grades in them. Just so you know... ;)

Annie Very Sorry

Today marks the second anniversary of the creation of this blag. As luck would have it, it's also the 100th post I've made to it. Here's a recap of things that have happened in the last 2 years and 100 blag posts in approximately chronological order.

• I bought a handgun.
• I decided to get a business minor.
• I read 'The Five Love Languages' by Gary Chapman. It changed my life.
• I saw then BYU tight end Andrew George catch a walk-off touchdown pass from Max Hall to beat SpUtah in OT.
  
• I applied for over 300 full-time civil engineering jobs.
• I got 3 interviews and no formal job offers.
  
• I took and passed the Fundamentals of Engineering Exam.
• I moved into an apartment with guys who I actually liked beforehand.
  
• I went to the Utah Summer Games Ultimate Frisbee Tournament in Cedar City and accidentally attended a Single Adult dance. (Notice the lack of 'Young' at the front.)
• I went longboarding down Provo Canyon with Scott Manning and still have the scars to prove it. I pledged that I would never ride/drive anything that didn't have brakes after that.
  
• I bought and have been learning to play the bass guitar.
• I appeared in 'The Food Nanny' TV program on BYUtv.
• I graduated from BYU with a BS.
• I applied to 7 institutions of higher learning to pursue a master's degree in civil engineering.
• I was accepted by 6 of those institutions.
• I found out that I would receive funding from Oregon State University and, without hesitation, decided that I would matriculate.

As we can see, it's been a great time. I'm totally looking forward to next two years worth of Unfortunate Dudefests. :D

Just in Case You Had Any Doubt that I'm a Nerd

So, I was looking through my blag posts, both new and old, and I realized that I have not yet on this blag really mentioned my life's passion and the field where most of my greatest talents lie. Though over the last two years, a bachelor's degree in civil engineering has been reduced to the likes of a BA in English or a BS in Psychology, this field is truly where I belong.

I'd like to take a moment to explain that I'm comparing a BS in Civil Engineering to the aforementioned degrees because one who completes any of them has zero chance of finding a job other than bagging groceries in the years 2010/2011... much like any other bachelor's degree. According to BYU's undergraduate catalog, a BA in English takes 48-65 credit hours (depending on your foreign language experience) and a BS in Psych takes 52-53. For those of you who are saying, "And your point is?" a bachelor's in civil engineering takes 95-96 hours which include courses in chemistry, physics, single and multivariable calculus, mechanics of materials, structural analysis, fluid mechanics, and if you're really ambitious, something called "Continuum Mechanics and Finite Element Analysis." It's not exactly literary criticism that we're dealing with. Over the last 200 years, there have only really been 2 in which it was difficult to find a job with a BS in Civil Engineering, and those were 2009 and 2010.

Anywho, I have wanted to be a civil engineer since I was in the 8th grade. Before that, I had ambitions of being a Paleontologist, a Marine Biologist, and a Mechanical Engineer. The turning point came when my 8th grade shop class held a balsa wood bridge building contest. The assignment was given before the winter break and the bridges were to be broken about a week after the break. Being the nerd that I am, I spent almost the entirety of that winter break sketching out the truss structure for my balsa wood bridge, including miter joints and angles and then carefully constructing my bridge. (Through 4 years of college, I've realized that my design was far from being very efficient, but it worked out fairly well.) The method that was used to break them was barbaric, but neither I, nor anyone else in the class new any better. Mr. Moore took a pair of wooden blocks, put them 8 inches apart, put a coffee can on top of the bridge, and put 45-lb weight plates on top of the coffee can. Though my bridge made some cracking noises early on, it managed to hold 962x its own weight, which wasn't the best design, but it was up there. After that experience, I decided that designing infrastructure was something for I had a passion and something that I would want to do for the rest of my life.

Throughout my time studying civil engineering in college, I found that I enjoyed learning about most, though not all, of the sub-specialties of civil engineering and most of the principles that went therewith. I think I was the only person in the history of CEEn 203, Mechanics of Materials who not only understood Castigliano's theorem the first time, but also kind of enjoyed it. I can say that I enjoyed learning the concepts in just about all of my classes that were labeled "CEEn." There are some notable exceptions. CEEn 270 involved coding. I'm not only incredibly bad at coding, I hate the very thought of it. As far as I'm concerned, you cut a check and you get software by email or on a CD by snail mail. I was thinking about going into transportation engineering when I realized that transportation engineers are just a mask for corrupt and incompetent government officials to do whatever they want anyway. While this is true in some cases anywhere in civil engineering, it's true in almost every case that I've found for transportation engineering. I can totally get into designing an intersection for maximum efficiency. However, designing an intersection so that people have to wait extra long at the light in front of the Target that a city councilman's brother owns is not my bag... if you get my drift. When I went into my class in environmental engineering, I secretly dared the course to prove to me that this sub-specialty wasn't just a bunch of leftist hippies with good math skills. Sadly after the encounters with deep ecology and conversion factors in the back of the book like, "1 lite year = 365 days drinking low-calorie beer," and "2 kilo-mockingbird = 2000 mockingbirds," I couldn't possibly take the field seriously. However, there are still the fields of structural, hydraulic, and geotechnical engineering along with a couple others that captivate my interest.

Since I have little to no chance of finding a job in civil engineering over the next couple of years with only a bachelor's degree, I have decided to pursue a master's degree (as if you haven't heard about that on this blag.) In civil engineering, a master's degree usually involves an area of deeper specialization in a sub-specialty like structural or water resources engineering. At this point, I've decided that I want to study geotechnical engineering, mostly because I could justify taking a couple of courses in other sub-specialties, since geotechnical engineering is so broad. For those who aren't familiar with the concept of geotechnical engineering, it is literally the engineering of dirt, and includes topics like soil mechanics, foundation design, groundwater flow, etc. As fiancée #2 pointed out, this does indeed sound like about the nerdiest thing that you could possibly think of. And yes, I realized this when I took Elementary Soil Mechanics with Dr. Gerber at BYU.

On that note, I recently bought a foundation engineering textbook to read to keep my neurons from withering away and dying while I'm hopelessly un(der)employed. I just started reading it, and again I'm taken back to that day when I designed my first structure in 8th grade shop class. Not only am I now thinking about structures and how the individual members interact with each other, but also how the entire structure interacts with the soil, and the potential problems that can be faced when a foundation is not properly designed.

The reason why I'm writing this blag post is because it has been reaffirmed again to me today that civil engineering is really what I love and that if the construction industry ever rebounds and I can find in job in this field that I will scarcely have to work a day in my life. I've known people who have gone through multiple years of college and still not really known what they want to do. I made it through an engineering program in 4 years at least partially because I figured out what I wanted to do for a living in the 8th grade and have hardly had any doubts since. In the words of one dubious BYU Econ professor, "Self, great day." :D

Dear Hiring Managers,

Recently I've heard a lot about how you monitor all of my activity on social networking sites, track my credit and spend habits, and may or may not be putting a 'wire' tap on my phone to monitor my calls and/or text messages. With this in mind, I will take a glorious opportunity to explain to you why I should become part of your company as an entry-level engineer, construction manager, or intern. If you're here, you've probably already seen my résumé, cover letter, college transcripts, and maybe even my credit history, criminal background, and driving record, so I won't focus too much on the things covered by those media. I will instead focus on the things you'll find on my social networking sites, and in my various communications with my friends.

The first thing that I'd like to point out to you is my clean and well-behaved lifestyle. As you can see from my photos and posts on facebook and twitter, I'm not much into riotous living with lots of booze, drugs, and strange women. I like to live my life in a way that I can think clearly and rationally most every second of the day. If I was allowed an opportunity at your company, I'd be able to focus on the goals and objectives that were set before me by management instead of being distracted and chemically modified by a riotous lifestyle. I'd like to think that I am just more wise and sagacious than most 22 year-old men out there and that my interests and activities reflect such.

The next thing that I'd like to point out is that I do have a personality and a sense of humor, but I assure you that I know where the line needs to be drawn between humor and professionalism. I believe that I could bring an upbeat feeling and a sense of lightheartedness to many offices. However, I also know and can recognize that there are many situations in which any humor is entirely inappropriate. As you can probably see, I enjoy making playful jokes with my friends and acquaintances, but I know that there are many situations in business which call for professionalism and a stoic character.

Reading through this blog in particular, you may have concerns that I would not be able to work well with or around women. I would assure you, however that any issue that I have with women is only at the romantic level of a relationship. As long as there is no romance between me and a women in the office, there would be no problem. Along those same lines, I am personally no particularly fond of workplace romance, so that would be a minimal concern. I would also have no problem working with others of different races, religions, colors, creeds, age groups, etc.

Finally, I would like to point out that this blog serves as somewhat of a writing sample. Though I would be more involved in technical writing, I would like to point out I am generally pretty good at putting my ideas down in writing. I rarely edit or proofread these blog posts for content or mechanics, but they usually end up turning out exceptionally well. In a work setting, my writing would even improve because I would take the time to double and triple check my writing for mechanical errors and for content since it would certainly be worth my time.

Overall, I believe that the content of my social networking sites and other communications with my friends should not act as a deterrent to adding me as a new member of your company, but should give some insight into why you should hire me. I believe that I would make an excellent asset to any company and would love to have to opportunity to prove my worth, not only intellectually, but with my personality as well.

SWOT Analysis of my Life

Recently in both my marketing and HR classes, we've talked about "SWOT Analysis." This method of analyzing a business looks at the both the internal factors of a business' potential progress (strengths and weaknesses) and the external factors (opportunities and threats). I figure that at this juncture, it really couldn't hurt to do this kind of analysis for my own life to help me to attain both my relatively short-term goals and my more long term goals. Some of these goals include: getting a job for after college, getting married, being a halfway decent person both morally and socially, and achieving exaltation and eternal life after this life is said and done. Certainly not an inclusive list of goals but a good start... Anywho, on to the analysis:

Strengths

• Pure Intelligence - It was Marion Morrison who said, "Life is hard, and it's even harder if you're stupid." In my case, I have intelligence on the order of about 4.5 standard deviations above average and it will serve me well in achieving almost all of my goals, as long as I don't begin to suppose that I'm smarter than God, that's always a dangerous path.
• In the Long-term, a Useful Degree - Though right now I kind of feel like I've been getting a very-much-more-difficult-than-usual BA in English for the last 4 years, after the Great Depression v2.0 passes, my degree will actually regain value and I should... SHOULD be able to actually find good jobs that will pay reasonably well.
• My Testimony - I don't feel bad telling all 4 people who read my blag that is says in my patriarchal blessing that my testimony will become a cherished possession. While this hasn't happened yet, I at least know, on the most basic level possible that The Christ is the redeemer of my soul and that the Eternal God loves me whether I feel it or not. And along with this knowledge come hope for the future in this life and hope for the things of a better world, as Ether put it.

Weaknesses

• Social Awkwardness - Based on the way my parents raised me, it's almost a miracle that I made it out of high school alive. People who know me well can tell you that I have virtually negligible shame and am likely to say and do things that will make you feel awkward in social situations; and Aric F@$$w@$$ was even willing to give me an award in the same. This lack of PCness is also combined with the fact that I'm an engineer and have spent several hours a day for the past 4 years in the Clyde Building and just generally that I'm a Mormon. It all adds up to quite a bit of social awkwardness.
• Lack of RM Badge - Serving a full-time, proselyting mission is an absolute right of passage for young men in the LDS Church. Most young, LDS men will tell you that their mission was the "Best two year of their life." I didn't have those two years. I'm perfect willing to admit that ever since I didn't go on a mission, I've had a harder time finding sufficient motivation to live the gospel as I know it to be true. Even the temple of God itself has become a house of remorse and lamentation... and full of old, pretentious douchebags who ask any dude in the baptismal font when he's going on a mission. Also, if you'd told me when I was 18 that first dates could be more awkward than they already were, I would have laughed you to scorn. However the standard first date question, "Where did you serve your mission?" has done a disturbingly good job proving 18-year-old me wrong.
• Insanity - You might think that I'm joking and/or exaggerating when I say that I'm friggin' crazy. I would submit that you're only right some of the time. As an update to my last post, I am not qualified for Army OCS because I've been treating for chemical imbalances in my brain. I don't know if the Air Force has similar qualification standards... it hasn't come up. In some very limited contexts, being crazy might help me to obtain my goals, but for the most part, it's just a hindrance and a limitation as far as I can tell.
• Physical Fitness - The 89th section of the Doctrine and Covenants says that those who abide by its precepts will be able to run and not be weary. I've clearly not been following that counsel very well. A lack of physical fitness could very well keep me out of the military for good and is certainly not an asset when trying attract a potential spouse. In the long term, I could end up living like my Grandpa on my dad's side who has had at least 5 heart attacks of varying severity and can barely get up out of chair without being short of breath.

Opportunities

• Cars and Money - If, by the grace of God, I am actually blessed to find a job in my chosen field, I will, for pretty much the first time in my life, be able to afford a car and not live below the poverty line. This will give me much greater opportunity to have fun, do good in the world, and maybe, just maybe the benefits of dating might exceed the social and emotion costs. And if you haven't seen the Good Charlotte Song, you should. PS-The video for that song looks suspiciously like the Single Adults dance that I saw 5 minutes of in Cedar City.
• HDR & RKCI - Probably my best opportunities for employment are with HDR in Denver and with RKCI in the Utah Valley. A few weeks ago, I talked with one of the PM's for HDR who lives in my stake back home and he said that they recently got the contract to design an extension of the light rail system in Denver and they would need to staff that soon. Anyone who has driven through Lehi, UT over the past few weeks has noticed that there's massive construction going on on I-15 in this area. To most this in an inconvenience, but to me it is a sign of sweet, glorious progress. RKCI won the contract to oversee quality control on the I-15 core designs and has been hiring recent graduates in Civil Engineering and Construction Management.
• Women - Over the past several weeks, I've met several women who I'd like to get to know better, which doesn't necessarily happen very often. Let me just say that my current ward is freaking awesome and I wouldn't mind living around here for several more years, even if it meant living in an insect-infested dump. I'm sure that there are nice women all around, but dang, Hampton Court is where it's at. :D

Threats

• Crapconomy - I never would have thought in 2002, when I decided that I wanted to become a civil engineer that some douchebag* would enact AA reform that was meant to give minorities a better opportunity for home ownership, but really just allowed I-banker types to speculate in the housing market. Since this actually did happen, the demand for Civil Engineers has shifted down significantly as those who were working in private development move to whatever projects are left and government infrastructure spending nationwide grinds to a halt. What it all adds up to in 2010 is that anyone without 5 years experience and/or a masters degree isn't going to find a job in civil engineering very easily anytime soon.
• Obamacare - Sometimes I wonder if Barack Obama sits in the Oval Office and thinks, "Hmm, how can I screw over William 'The Hands' White today?" I'm sure that Obamacare benefits somebody (who's probably black, btw) ,but it's certainly not me. Since my health care provider knows that it will have to cover more prospective college graduates soon under Obamacare, it's getting rid of the ones it has now in order to cut its losses. Additionally, uncertainty in the future of health care is making its costs increase, making something that was unaffordable two years ago, ridiculously expensive. With the crapconomy the way it is, if I don't have a job in the next month, I'm not going to have any health insurance... period, and I will be thoroughly Ephed. PS-Vote Republican.
• Militant Feminazism - Over the past few years, I've liked to say, "If chivalry is dead, it was choked out by the smoke of flaming bras," or something like that. More recent generations of women seem to feel entitled to an equal opportunity, and even worse, equal outcome with their male counterparts without sharing in any of the negative aspects or burdens. My generation, in the world, seems to like to minimize and reduce as much as possible the differentiation between men and women. The Latter-day Saints of my generation seem to do the same thing, but to a much lesser degree (ie. without militaristic enforcement) and only picking and choosing the situations in which women should be indifferentiable from men. Overall, militant feminazism is the greatest threat to my desire and ability to procure a spouse... and I might just have to devote an entire blag post to my views on it.

So there you have it. To me, this is scarier than $h1+ and kinda makes me want to cower away in a corner. However I have hope that all will work out and that I will be able to use my strengths and opportunities and the knowledge of my weaknesses and threats to my advantage to be able to achieve both my short and long-term goals.

*It's probably best that I don't know who this douchebag is, because I would find him and shank him in the face with a red-hot cast iron prison shiv.

Boo Downward Shift in Aggregate Demand, Hooray Beer!

So, just in case you've been living in Outer Kreplachistan, Haiti, or the abysmal depths of the Congo for the last year or so, the United States and most of the developed world have been going through a big-A recession. Whatever you believe the cause of this recession may be, I would like to submit right now that the wallets of everyone not named Barack H. Obama are pretty tightly sealed. It's actually China that really providing the capital, but that's tertiary. My point is that trying to find any source of cash, whether it's a g-o-b, or just selling off your Earthly possessions is a bit rough. In my case, I picked a really bad time to graduate from college and actually try to find a job.

Over the course of the past few weeks, I've been trying to come up with something of a Plan B that would actually be feasible in case I don't find a job by August. Previously, the only real alternatives that I could come up with were going to graduate school right after I finish my undergraduate degree or being drastically underemployed for some period of time until I could find a real job. Long story short; both of these options suck. Practically all of the grad school application deadlines for fall semester have evaporated and I don't have the cash to wait until January and starting on a Winter/Spring semester. Not to mention that I wouldn't have any cash for school and my course sequencing would be shot. Furthermore, I shouldn't need to mention that I really don't want to work at Dick's Sporting Goods while I wait for the economy to recover.

A few days ago I thought of a new option that I hadn't particularly considered before but seems to be more and more viable with each employment rejection email that I get. Since, at this point, I could literally withdraw from all of my summer classes and still get a bachelor's degree, I am now contemplating completing officer training/candidate school (OTS) and going into the military as a engineer officer. As I previously mentioned, this is still a Plan B. If I can find a civil engineering job in the private sector that I actually want, I'll almost undoubtedly take that over going in the military. However, I turned in 6 job applications this last Saturday and got 4 rejection emails by Monday afternoon. As the title of this post implies, there's just nothing out there. That being said, there is a definite question of which branch of the military I would want to go into if it came down to that. Since the Marines doesn't have engineers, I can't swim very well, and Navy engineers are called "Seabees," (literally, I'm not making this up, see Wikipedia) it pretty much comes down to the Army or the Air Force. A Pro-Con analysis follows:

Army:

PRO:

• I would get experience with two of the things I'm most passionate about relative to engineering: bridges and blowing stuff up.
• The Army generally has more openings and therefore easier placement for an engineer officer MOS.
• Connections in the Army Corps of Engineers definitely wouldn't hurt my career aspirations after I got out.
• I like the Army's uniforms.
• The pay for a second lieutenant with less than two years in is about 10% ($3000) higher.
  

CON:

• Designing infrastructure that helps troops advance often involves being IN FRONT of the front lines. Death or dismemberment is much more likely.
  
• I'd have to be almost 20 lbs lighter than I am right now in order to make weight.
• You get thrown into basic with all the other goons, even if you're going in as an officer.
  

Air Force:

PRO:

• Both of my parents were in the Air Force; in fact, that's how they met. As such, I've been raised liking the Air Force, rooting for the AFA in football, etc.
  
• Especially now, the Air Force seems to have plenty of opportunities for engineers and others with technical backgrounds, though not as many.
• Ironically, there are people with the title "Civil Engineer" in the Air Force.
• I'd only have to drop about 5 or 10 pounds to make weight.
• Seeing as the United States hasn't really conceded air superiority since World War II, the chances of death or dismemberment are greatly reduced.
• The Air Force's OTS program is like an integration of basic training and officer training. Not quite as much getting backslapped by TIs.
  
• I already know the US Air Force song.

CON:

• The pay isn't as good, though sufficient.
• Dang, those uniforms are ugly.
• Assuming I was commissioned as an engineer, I'd probably be working on projects that I'd be somewhat less excited about, namely environmental.

As of today, I have requested more information from both the Air Force and the Army. The Air Force asked me more questions about what degree I was getting and how it could be applicable to the things I'd be doing in the military. They also sent me a, more or less, thank you email. Let me just say that I found that whole process to be very classy on their part. The Army seemed to be business as usual. I'll look through the information that they send me and see what either one has to offer. Honestly, I'd really like to choose neither, but we'll see how that goes.

A Little Clarification

For any who are curious as to precisely what I'm going to be up to after I finish my undergraduate education in August here's a general rundown. I'm looking to go into industry (ie. get a job) for about 2 or 3 years, then go back to grad school in order to get a master's degree. Since a master's degree will soon be essentially required for licensure as a civil engineer, I suppose that I will have plenty of motivation to go back when the time comes. I'm doing this mostly so that I can get in-state tuition at one of the graduate schools of my choice, since I will, in no case, be able to pay $27,000 for even a single semester.

A graduate school, much like a woman, must have a few basic things in order for me to be interested. In my case, a school would need to be in a state that's not too far out in left field, have a good graduate program for civil engineering, offer a certain curriculum of classes and research opportunities, and be reasonably priced for in-staters. Other qualities which are attractive in grad schools include, good sports-viewing opportunities, an intense rivalry with a nearby school, and a cool mascot and/or fight song. I've come up with 11 schools that I would like to attend, currently in order, but subject to change:

1. Georgia Institute of Technology
2. Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University
3. Texas A&M University
4. Purdue University
5. North Carolina State University
6. University of Washington
7. University of Arizona
8. University of Notre Dame
9. Oregon State University
10. University of Colorado-Boulder
11. Utah State University

Now, number 8, Notre Dame probably has you ready to type "WTF?!" in the comments section of this blag post, but there's a very good reason it's in the running. Anyone who studies civil engineering at Notre Dame automatically gets a research/teaching assistantship, and with it, a full tuition waiver (of about $22,000/semester) and a living stipend of up to $18,000 a year, which is currently more than I make in a year, by the way. This just makes Notre Dame too good of a deal to totally write off.


When I apply for grad school, I'll probably apply to three places: One in the state where I live, Notre Dame, and BYU. For example, if I lived in North Carolina at the time, I would apply to North Carolina State, Notre Dame, and BYU. In this case Notre Dame and BYU would essentially be my backup plans unless they offered me something exciting after I applied.

At this point I've applied for at least 20 jobs, mostly in Georgia, Virginia, Texas, Indiana, and North Carolina. I've heard back from probably about 8 or 10 of these companies/organizations with bad news for me. So far I haven't gotten any callbacks or interviews. Though, I'm convinced that this is currently as a result of my August 2010 graduation date, more than it is my qualifications. I'm also figuring, at this point, that my networking connections in Denver would help me to find something in that area, but that would be a tertiary option. As a last ditch resort, I might just end up submitting applications to Dick's Sporting Goods, Foot Locker, and the like. Let's just hope and pray that it doesn't come to that.

Final Analysis

This post is a follow-up on two previous posts, respectively titled Extrapolation and Interpolation.

So, as the fall semester has been brought to a close, I shall review my feelings on the classes that I took and the grades I received.

CE En 321, Structural Analysis, Grade- A: As forecast, this class was actually pretty fun. I enjoyed learning about a few old topics, as well as quite a few new ones. As can be supposed by the 'A' I received, I really understood and pwned most of the problems that I faced. The only thing that I appeared to struggle with was the flexibility method in beams and frames. Does anyone really use this method to analyze beams and frames? I submit that they do not. Despite the fact that Dr Balling calls the books for this class "big packs of lies," (which is an exaggeration) I just can't discount the knowledge I've gained about small, static, skeletal, linear structures. In the words of Dr Benzeley, "How many people on earth can analyze statically indeterminate structures?"

CE En 305A, Metals, Woods, and Composites, Grade- A: I think the summary I gave in the post Interpolation basically sums it up, though my opinion of Dr Dumb@$$ has lowered slightly based on the fact that it took him 6 weeks to actually figure out our grades.

CE En 305B, Concrete, Masonry, and Asphalt, Grade- A-: It seemed like this class was more like a 3-day seminar than an actual class. With the Thanksgiving break right in the middle of the block, it made class periods relatively few. For the most part, I enjoyed learning about aggregates, concrete, CMUs, and asphalt. The lab for this class was graded a little anally and the TAs had little or no accountability in giving capricious grades to students. I think the most valuable lesson that I learned in the course of this class was to avoid working on a team with the guy who doesn't speak fluent English. My grades for the 3 labs were: 87, 77, and 90. Can you guess on which one I worked with a non-English speaker?

CE En 562, Traffic Engineering, Grade- B+: Speaking of non-English speakers, I'm rather content to be done taking classes from Dr Saito. He's a really nice guy, and knows his stuff, but it doesn't make much difference when you don't understand what he's saying half the time. I think I learned some important concepts of traffic flow theory as well as the effects of roadway characteristics on traffic flow. I also learned that graduate-level classes devour one's time like a redneck at an all-you-can-eat Hot Pocket buffet. Though I didn't think that the concepts were too difficult, this class should have been about 7 credit hours, which didn't mesh too well with my additional 13.5 credit hours. If I end up taking another grad-level class as an undergrad, it will most surely be while I'm taking a somewhat lighter course load.

Bio 100, Principles of Biology, Grade- A-: The fact that Sister Jefferies gave the class the final beforehand to study makes me wish that I hadn't given her such a low student rating. However, I have talked to one of my friends while he was studying for his Bio 100 final, and realized that I had no clue what he was talking about. This class was disorganized, redundant, and often capricious in the way it was presented. The TAs seemed to know what they were doing, the instructor, however, did not. And I kind of got the feeling that she hated men too...but that could just be me.

Rel C 234, LDS Marriage and Family, Grade- A: Looking back, I'm glad that I took this class. There were quite a few topics that I just didn't learn, or didn't learn properly in my home and am glad that I was exposed to here. I was also exposed to Dr Gary Chapman's book, The Five Languages of Love, which has given me new perspective on all of my relationships with people. Additionally, the A that I barely squeaked out in this class continues my streak of 5 A's in 5 religion classes.

Bus M 380, Executive Lectures, Grade- A: I definitely learned a lot from the lectures of people who have been successful in the world of business. If I were to attend 200 executive lectures, there would probably be 200 different formulae for success in the world of business. However, there were a few constants: testimony, drive/motivation, passion, putting aside of pride, as well as a few others. I kept a notebook full of notes in this class entitled, "You Know Who Else Didn't Go to Business School? LeBron James!... Tracy McGrady." I think this book contains quite a few words of wisdom and will continue to be added to throughout the years to improve on what I have already.

CE En 300A, Stupid Semen-ar, Grade- B+: Yeah, it's definitely still stupid. Though after this semester, I no longer have to take notes in stupid Semen-ar... I get to trade them for papers... Thus, next semester brings, "Even Stupider Semen-ar."

In case you're wondering, these grades add up to a semester GPA of 3.78 and bring my overall GPA to exactly 3.50, which is pretty impressive considering its state after BYU math was done with it. I can genuinely say that I enjoyed this semester, not only because of the high grades that I received, but also because I learned many things that will be valuable in my future jobs as well as my life in general. It's also been re-emphasized to me that I truly enjoy civil engineering and it is, more or less, my calling in life. Let me just say that it's a pretty good feeling to know that you made the right career choice in the 8th grade.

Preliminary Bucket

At some point, I will "kick the bucket," but there are a few things I want to do first:

• See a game in all 30 MLB ballparks (1 down, 29 to go.)
• See a World Series game.
• See an NCAA bowl game.
• Say "Je crache sûr ce pays," in France, then spit.
• Read the Bible cover to cover, even if it means falling asleep in the books of chronicles a few times.
• Be able to write left-handed.
• Visit all 50 United States. (40 down, 10 to go.)
• Learn to play the bass guitar. (Maybe learn something about music first.)
• Find another civil engineer with the last name "Power" and start "White-Power Engineers."
• Get at least 3 degrees. (Namely the BS, MS, and MBA and/or PhD)
• Have "alphabet soup" after my name. (Probably PE. Maybe PLS, PTOE, PhD, Esq., F.ASCE.)

I'm certain that there will be more to add to this list, but I think that this is a good start.

Interpolation

This post is a follow-up on a previous post titled: Extrapolation.

So, at the more or less midway point of the semester, I figured I'd give an update of how classes have been going thus far.

CE En 321-Structural Analysis: As predicted, this class has been a whole lot of fun and somewhat of a challenge at the same time. We have closed our review of statics and are drawing near to a close on our work with virtual work and flexibility. Thus far I've been pwning this class like a dirty n00b due to my above average knowledge of statics and Castigliano's theorem (virtual work). Though I expect to be put on upset alert when the final for this class rolls around, just like in 103, 204, 270, and 332... but we'll see.

CE En 305A-Metals, Woods, and Composites: This class has all but come to a close. I found that there were several key concepts on the curriculum for this class which I learned, but mostly I just learned all the things that I should have learned in Mechanics of Materials, but didn't, which is certainly valuable in and of itself. Dr Dumb@$$ turned out to not be quite as bad as initially supposed. His knowledge of the material and his ability to at least somewhat communicate it, as well mercy for misunderstanding resulting in me having a much higher final opinion of him than the initial.

CE En 305B-Aggregates: This class has just begun, but I am actually fairly excited about it. I find that I have quite a high nerd propensity for concrete, asphalt, and any other sort of composite mixture of the sort. At this point the only thing that I can really say against my professor is that his first name is actually William, but he goes by his middle name... Spencer. Needless to say I find this appalling. Other than this, however, I find that he will be a good instructor who truly knows the material and how to apply it.

CE En 562-Traffic Engineering: This class has been relatively good thus far. Not that I pay attention in lecture, for Dr Saito does not speak fluent English. But I've enjoyed gaining knowledge about the concepts of transportation engineering beyond the simplicity of the Greenshields model and the four steps of transportation planning. Though I'm still not entirely sure how these topics would be properly applied in industry, but that's what going into industry is for. :)

Bio 100-Principles of Biology: I think I'm going to get a C in this class based on the fact that it is far too easy. I go into class and teacher says, "Well, did everyone take the quiz?" and I'm like "Holy $h*7, there was quiz, when did this happen?" I actually haven't taken any tests in this class yet, so we'll see how it goes after that, but yes... far too easy of a class consider the difficulty of the rest of my schedule.

Rel C 234-LDS Marriage and Family: This class is somewhat less exciting than I initially thought it would be. Generally just regurgitation of doctrine that I've heard about once a month since 2005, nothing incredibly profound. But what to you expect from religion classes?

Bus M 380-Executive Lectures: The only negative thing that I can possibly say about this class is that the executives which we've seen have been fairly low-level executives at relatively unimportant companies. Other than that's it's been pretty flippin' awesome.

CE En 300A-Stupid Semen-ar: Yep, still stupid.

Boo Metric, Hooray Beer!

Let me just state as a disclaimer first of all that the purpose of this post is not to somehow prove that the US Customary system of measurement is superior to the Système International d'Unites. Au contraire, my goal is to express my opinions as to why the metric system is not necessarily superior to US Customary units.

I should start off by saying that I truly despise those "metric purists" who were born as Americans, but somehow, due to their exposure to academic idealists, have turned into metrosexual Frenchmen prancing around speaking of how nice the weather is when it's 15 degrees out. I can understand if you're from a country that uses metric as its primary system of measure and actually have an anecdotal mindset about what metric values mean, that's all good. But if you're just an invertibrate who follows whatever your professors tell you, you should act like the lemming that you are and jump off a cliff.

The most compelling evidence that I've found in my own experience as an engineering major that the metric system is not particularly superior to US customary units is that the frequency of error is reduced only marginally and the magnitude of error is increased drastically. Due to the ease of using a decimal system in metric, there are some errors which are prevented by use of the metric system. These errors, I've found, are generally made by those who are not paying an incredibly great amount of attention to what they are doing and could often be prevented by more careful analysis. The tradeoff here is that when errors are made in the metric system (and trust me, they are) they are often of much greater magnitude than they would be under the US customary system. I've frequently said that with US customary units errors are generally on the order of a factor of 2-4, while errors made while using the metric system are by factors of 2-4 orders of magnitude, or 100-10000.

To put this in a little bit of perspective, I'll use the anology of structural engineering. Let's say that there's an office building which is supposed to sustain a load of 500 kips or 2.22 MN of force is to be designed. Naturally this building would hold plenty of people and property which is of great worth. Let us now suppose that an error in calulation has been made while using US customary units such that the engineers suppose that the building will only need to sustain 167 kips of force, an error of about 3x. Structural engineers often used what is known as a "safety factor" which essentially multplies the calculated values for load, stress, etc by a set value in order to prevent failure in the case of error. These safety factors are generally between 1.5 and 5 depending on the project. For something like an office building, a factor of about 2.5 would probably be used. As you can probably see, this safety factor will not entirely accomodate for the error in calculation, however, depending on the material, this structure would remain safe for long enough to remove all persons and all essential property, and would probably stand long enough to be demolished and rebuilt.

Now let's assume that the same structure was designed using metric units and a very simple error which is common amonst undergrads is made of saying the building will support 2.22 kN instead of 2.22 MN. In this case, a safety factor has no chance of redeeming the error made by this engineer. The most likely situation is that this structure would collapse while still under construction and kill a relatively few construction workers who were on-site at the time. The worst-case scenario would be that it is able to sustain the dead loading of its own weight, but not able to sustain the live loading of people and furniture, which would indeed be tragic.

At this point you're probably thinking of submitting a comment that reads, "Well William, if the metric system is so inferior in this particular aspect, why aren't buildings collapsing all over Europe and Canada?" And you would be justified, because the failure rates of buildings are very low both in and outside the US. As I already mentioned, the simplicity of the decimal system used in metric helps to moderate both the number and severity of errors which are made. In addition, those who have lived all their lives under the metric system tend to be more proficient than American undergrads who just like the metric system because it requires less mental effort. Finally, I would submit that structural engineers are very good at what they do. These problems are checked and rechecked for accuracy and precision before they are ever submitted to be built.

I submit to you that there is at least one gaping hole in the supposed perfection of the metric system. The magnitude of error which can occur when using metric units is just one piece of evidence that the metric system is not universally superior to US customary units, or any other system of measure.

A New Calling... Perhaps

It was probably about 6 months ago that I first happened upon a marvelous TV show on the Discovery Channel. This show was called "The Detonators," maybe you've heard of it, but since it hasn't been syndicated, you probably haven't. In this show, a camera crew follows around a crew of explosives engineers while one or two experts, and professors in the field of explosives engineering explain what they are doing. And what do these explosives engineers do you ask? They blow stuff up, of course! (Okay, you probably didn't actually ask that question.) In the course of the shows which I have viewed, these engineers have used various explosives to demolish structures like buildings, bridges, smokestacks, and the occasional car. XD. The most common structures which go the way of all the earth on this show are post-tensioned concrete buildings, bridges which span rivers, and any structure that's in a tight space. And if you're not entirely familiar with those concepts, that's okay; just know that they are right up the alley of one who will shorty hold a baccalaureate degree in civil engineering.

At this point, I probably need not mention that over the past few months I have found a great affinity for the concepts of demolition and explosives engineering. Though I do feel the need to mention that my desire to learn more about and even pursue a career in explosives engineering goes beyond the innate urge found in all human males to destroy things. I've recently heard a story about President Henry B. Eyring and his father Henry Eyring. When President Eyring was a young boy, his father had a chalkboard (which they had back then) in the family's basement on which he would have his children do advanced problems of mathematics and physics. He would often gather in his family on Friday nights for all of them to do just that (if my dad had done that, I would have gone on many more dates :P ). One week, President Eyring's father asked him if he had any ideas for the solution to the problem on which they had been working the previous week. When President Eyring admitted that he had made no progress on the problem his father asked him:

"Haven't you been thinking about this problem during the week?"

"No, I have not." he admitted.

"Then you should get out of physics. You should do something that you are passionate enough about that you think about it when you don't have to think about anything at all."

And thus it is with me and the whole of civil engineering. I think about it even when I don't have to think about anything at all. It is most noticible in my mind when I am walking down the street and think about all of the analysis and design that had to go into the street itself and virtually everything surrounding it. Heck, civil engineers even design the dirt... THE DIRT that the road sits on!!! I have recently found that demolition and explosives engineering is even more applicable to this priciple because it combines two separate things that I like to think about when I don't have to think about anything: structures and blowing stuff up.

As far as higher education goes, it would be only a minor adjustment in order to get a degree that would help me greatly in the demolition industry. The Missouri University of Science and Technology in Rolla, Missouri would be the place to go. There prospective explosives engineers can work under Dr. Paul Worsey who one of the world's foremost experts in explosives engineering and is on of the experts featured on the show which I mentioned at the top of this entry. :)

A little while back I called my dad and presented this idea to him. I wondered beforehand how he feel about a somewhat abrupt change in career path, and was sure that he'd be in at least some measure pessimistic. When I was done explaining to him basically what I've told you in this entry, he said to me, "Dang William, that's a really good idea, I think you should do it. As your mother always likes to say, 'Gary all you taught William to do was destory stuff!' It would be supremely fitting for you to go into such a career field." At this point, I'm not totally decided on this particular career path, but I've decided that I absolutely must keep this open as an option. It might just end up being my calling in life... maybe. :D

PS-I wanted to share a related video, but Discovery seems to have NSA-esque security around imbedding it, so I'll just leave the link.

http://dsc.discovery.com/videos/the-detonators-being-a-blaster.html

Extrapolation

So, based on the first week of classes, this is about how I figure that each of my classes is going to go:

CE En 321, Structural Analysis: This class is going to be a whole lot of fun and yet very challenging at the same time. Thus far I've enjoyed the review of statics and look forward to learning four other methods for analyzing structures. As already stated this class has been mostly review thus far and will continue to be through the first test... then the real challenge begins.

CE En 305A, Metals, Woods, and Composites: This class would be pretty awesome if it wasn't taught by the man to whom I loving refer as "Dr. Dumb@$$". He surely knows his stuff about metals, woods, and composites, but not ordering the textbook until 3 days before class starts, not giving us a syllabus, and not organizing the homework... pretty much at all has led to the title that has become infamous in my own mind.

CE En 305B, Aggregates: This will be class 1 of 2 in my major that deals entirely with concrete. It doesn't start until the second block of the semester, October 21st, so I'll make more commentary when that time comes.

CE En 562, Traffic Engineering: After taking CE En 461, Geometric Highway Design in the spring from Dr. Saito, I pretty much know what to expect from his classes. I hope that this class will really take me beyond the basics of transportation engineering and really get into the core principles and "deep doctrine" if you will of what kind of problems transportation engineers solve daily.

Bio 100, Principles of Biology: All I can say is "hahahahahahahahahahaha" XD This class is a freakin' joke. On Wednesday, we spent the whole class watching a movie. I haven't watched a movie in class since my freakin' junior year of high school. And the best part is that there was nothing due afterward! I freakin' love n00b classes!!!

Rel C 234, LDS Marriage and Family: In the first week of this class I've found that it's about much more than getting you hitched to the first random woman you find on campus. In the now immortal words of my father, "William, I'm glad that you're taking that class, because you certainly didn't learn anything about healthy or effective relationships living in our home!"

Bus M 380, Executive Lectures: As the name implies, there will be big corporate executives that come and give us lectures about business and such. Thus far, I suppose that this course will give me valuable insights into my new-found career aspiration of becoming a CEO. ;)

CE En 300A, Stupid Seminar: Same stupid thing on the same stupid day, at the same stupid time, with the same stupid rules and requirements, and the same stupid people who really don't want to be there... Why? Because it's STUPID!!! PS-I am the king of the comma splice. :D

All in all, I think this semester is going to be good fun. There will surely be some challenging times. Structures tests, staying up until 3am to finish 305 lab reports, passing out in Bio because I'm just not used to 7 women all sitting next to me while wearing half a gallon of perfume... but I think that, in the end, I will be content with my courses for this semester. :)

The Least Interesting Man in the World

Disclaimer: This blog post might be perceived as a rant about how much my life sucks. It is not... I really think I have a legitimate case to receive the title of the least interesting man in the world.

Over the past few weeks/months, the commercials for Dos Equis brand beer have had me thinking. These commercials feature the "Most Interesting Man in the World." Of course, at the end he endorses Dos Equis beer, and the commercial makes you think that you'll be more interesting if you drink their piss-water...blah blah blah. The point here is that these commercials have got me to thinking that I might be able to earn the converse title, the least interesting man in the world.

Let's state my case, shall we?

1) I'm a Mormon. "Come on down! We don't drink. We don't smoke. We don't even drink caffeine!" -Robin Williams. And our good friend Robin didn't even mention chastity. Let's see if I can recite all of the behaviors forbidden by the "Honor Cone" to be done outside of marriage: Coitus, Fellatio, Cunnilingus, Sodomy, "Petting", "Heavy Petting", Kissing with tongue, Wanking, Anything else that could be construed as sex, talking about sex, thinking about sex, wanting to have sex. In fact the only permissible sexual behavior is dreaming (while unconscious) about sex. :)

2) I'm from Northglenn, Colorado. I can hear everyone who reads this saying, "Where the eph is Northglenn?" I'll tell you. It's a suburb about the size of a postage stamp due North (go figure) of Denver. Some fat-cat land developer decided that he wanted to create a whole city on the cheap and make a bunch of money. He cut corners wherever possible, and came out with a city that has absolutely no pride, no culture, and no income. :)

3) I'm deathly afraid of people in general, but most especially, women. I tend to do very little socializing at all, and the socializing I do is generally through facebook. Even when I do end up in social situations, I generally sit off in a corner and twiddle my thumbs while everyone else socializes. Don't even talk to me about dating. I generally find the idea of being harshly judged on everything I am and hope to be about analogous being viciously beaten with a Saguaro cactus then covered with lemon juice and salt. :)

4) I'm an engineer. (As if you couldn't have figured that out already. :P ) I find the concepts of ultimate stress and supercritical flow more appealing (and probably more arousing) than most any other activity in which I could partake. I will undoubtedly end up spending more money on my calculator than my wedding ring if by the grace of the Almightly God I end up married. (See 1 and 3 above. :)

5) I spend more time in front of my Wii than anywhere else with the possible exceptions of the Step Down Lounge and the CAEDM Lab. Before the wondrous invention of the contraption know as the Wii, I found the idea of using my thumbs to play baseball, golf, and go street racing utterly absurd. But with this new device I found that video games were actually intuitive! *gasp* It opened up a whole new world to me from the @$$-groove of my couch. Now I don't even need to leave my living room to enjoy all the world has to offer. :)

6) I have no taste in food or music. Right now I'm consuming a Hot Pocket while listening to Toby Keith and Weird Al. People ask me, "What's your favorite food?" When I respond, "Domino's" people tend to give me a sideways glance as if to say: "You ephing hillbilly, get back in your trailer and watch some NASCAR!" XD :)

7) I can tell you exactly what I'll be wearing, months in advance. June-August: T-shirt, jeans, and about half & half flip flops vs. skate shoes. Sept-Nov: Same thing, but guaranteed skate shoes and a hoodie on cold days. Dec-March: Same as Sept-Nov, but guaranteed hoodie. April-May: Same as Jun-Aug, but guaranteed skate shoes. And on every Sunday: Dress clothes... white shirt and tie, suit pants, and no coat. Dang, I'm even getting bored writing all that. :)

8) I get some sort of sick thrill from planning ahead. The day that BYU introduced "MyMap," the webpage that allows students to plan out which classes they want to take and when, I was up until 4 am working out my future schedules in painstaking detail. Also, after the class schedule comes out for a semester, I have my weekly schedule worked out and memorized within an hour. :)

9) I'm too nice of a guy. My mom always taught me to treat people (esp. women) with all possible respect and dignity. What a load of crap. You get more response out of people when you treat them like crap. They'll either respect you for it, or never speak to you again... which is probably a win on your part. :)

10) I've never really had any desire to impress people. As my dad always said, "If you don't like it, you can kiss my @$$!" When people come over to my apartment, I have a tendency to say, "Welcome to my $h*7hole, find a place to sit down... if you can!" XD. People tend to find nothing more interesting than the topic of themselves; and I just don't give a rat's fuzzy, little derriere. :)

Well, that's pretty much what I've got. I think that you'll agree that I'm about the least interesting man in the world. And PS-If you ever hear about any sort of least interesting man competition, let me know, and/or drop my name. ;)

The Source of the Title

I'm sure that there are some out there who might be wondering about the source of the title of this blog... Though it's probably pretty obvious when I mention the word, "Engineering," but I think it deserves a little additional explanation.

Yes, at this point I am an engineering student. In BYU's college of engineering and technology, there is a healthy 85% male population. These can range anywhere from the meat-headed construction management major to the epically white and nerdy electrical and computer engineers. Yet, all of these majors have one thing in common; they are all epic dudefests. This current term I am taking two engineering classes, geometric design of highways, and hydraulic engineering. Between the two of them there are two persons of the female variety, one of which is married... not a lotta options, if you know what I mean.

Yet, I also think it goes a little deeper than that. I don't know if it is at all warranted, but sometimes I think it must just be me. Case and point: last year I was FHE "father"/coordinator for both fall and winter in the BYU 67th ward. During the fall semester I was blessed to have three dudes apartments along with two womens' apartments. Honestly, I kind of expected it to be a dudefest at that point, and it wasn't a big deal. Then winter semester came around and the tables were turned... there ended up being about 6 dudes and 10 women in my FHE family; good odds from all outward appearances. Yet, the ratios still managed to remain about the same. Pretty much all 6 dudes showed up and about 3 or 4 women... it was disappointing. These "families" consisted of almost entirely different people. The only common denominators were me and one of my roommates from the previous semester. I mean, he had some pretty wicked gas every once in a while, but he generally kept it under control while at FHE. So, there was really just one option left... it must be me.

I haven't even had any career aspirations/considerations/back-up plans/dilusions that haven't been epic dudefests. Let's review them:

Geologist/Paleontologist-Dudefest
Mechanical Engineer-Epic Dudefest
Civil Engineer-Dudefest
Lawyer-Dudefest, and you go straight to hell upon death, which is another dudefest
Stand-up Comedian-It's about 65:35, but most of the women are lesbians... Dudefest
Carpenter-Dudefest... also Fiesta (Mexicanfest)
Truck Driver-The only women are the one's that get picked up and never seen again... Dudefest

I've highlighted Civil Engineering, because that's what I'm actually going into. I guess at this point, I must come to the conclusion that it's either just me, or the world is actually 85% men and there's a conspiracy by the Catholic Church and NAMBLA to cover it up. XD