Thoughts on Unemployment

Much to the chagrin of my good friend and former roommate, Hyrum J. Hemingway, I will now expound to you my thoughts on illegal immigration, it's political and economic repercussions, and what I think should be done about it. Now, you might think I'm a racist for picking on Mexicans. Let me just give you two pieces of perspective that will help you to understand why I don't care. The first is that I refer to anyone who lives south of the US border and speaks Spanish as a Mexican. This makes the only people in Latin America to whom I don't refer as Mexicans, Brazilians, to whom I refer as Brazilians. Secondly, my dad likes to walk around town wearing a shirt with a confederate flag on it that says, "The South will Rise Again." At some point, I'll probably also blag about my thoughts on airport security... then you'll REALLY think I'm a racist.

For some time now, I've been hearing that the United States has been hovering right around 9.5 to 10% unemployment, according to U-4. Naturally, other measures of unemployment will be higher. I can't seem to shake the idea in my mind that this is, at least partially, because illegal, and many legal, immigrants are coming into the United States and shifting the supply curve in the labor market to the right. This will cause a decrease in the free market price of labor and with the price floor of the minimum wage, an increase in the surplus of workers that we call unemployment. Now, I've heard it said One hundred billion times before that illegal immigrants are only doing the jobs that Americans aren't willing to do. Frankly, this is Bullsh*t. When construction workers are making $10 to $25 an hour and literally not a single one of them speaks English, this cannot possibly be the case. There are thousands of American citizens who would love to have construction jobs that paid that well, myself included. Granted, there are jobs like picking cabbage and making burritos in the back of a van that most Americans aren't willing to do for 4 cents a cabbage, or the like. However, I'm pretty sure that Americans opposition to these jobs isn't the adverse conditions, but rather, the adverse pay. If the labor curve was shifted back to it's legitimate leftward place, employers would have to pay a higher wage for these workers and many Americans would be willing to perform their tasks. This leftward shift in the labor market supply would also bring the equilibrium free market price up and bring it closer to the price floor, the minimum wage.

Now, most economists would balk at this idea, citing that this is an inhibition of free trade and would result in a reduction of total surplus for the United States. I'm generally a fan of free trade, but I also believe that trade should be fair between the two participating parties. In order for this trade to be fair, I, as an American who's never been to Mexico or anywhere in Latin America, would need to be able to walk into Mexico without even being questioned by the government, get a job, and reap government benefits, which include more or less free healthcare and retirement benefits. As far as I can tell, if I just tried to walk into Mexico, the government would either 1) shoot me or 2) send me to jail, then deport me. Until Mexico and most other Latin American countries are willing to give all of the benefits that their citizens have come to expect in the United States, there should be no labor trade between these parties.

On the topic of a reduction in surplus, I would argue that surplus is not necessarily the best way to tell if the people in a country truly have a high quality of life. In the 1770s and '80s in France, the total surplus of country was through the roof. However, this was because the high class was spending an incredible amount of money on things that may or may not have had any value while exploiting the poor and the ever-diverging middle class. Though there was a large surplus in the country, it was only a very small portion of the populous that was able to take advantage of it, while the vast majority of the people suffered inhumanely. In this case, the "self interest," or just plain greed, of the French Bourgeoisie failed them when the oppressed lower class rebelled against them, brutally killed them, took all of their worldly possessions, and established a new form of government and social system.

In the contemporary United States, we are at a similar, yet drastically milder juncture, at least at this point. There is a very small, elite class of people who make most of the income in the United States and use the wealth that they have gained to usurp power from the rest of the populous. These people have decided that, in order to increase total surplus, which will go mostly to them and their businesses, the country should import a large quantity of illegal immigrants to cut costs and increase profits. The middle class is rapidly diverging into those who are somewhat close to joining the privileged elite and those who are on the verge of poverty. What remains of the middle class believes that these illegal immigrants should be deported, but is mostly powerless to do so because the elite have usurped so much power from them. Complicating this matter is that the illegal immigrants have received a hefty assortment of benefits (as already alluded to) from the more liberal side of the government. This causes what illegal immigrants who become citizens to vote very far left because they stand to benefit personally. What it comes down to is that elite politicians on both sides of the aisle have tremendous incentives to keep illegal immigrants here and to keep shipping in more, while the majority of the United States populous wants them gone.

While we will probably not see change quite on the same level as the French Revolution, if change does not come soon, blood just might flow down the streets of Washington DC. Being the ruthless dictator type that I am, if it was up to me, I would make a massive manhunt for everyone who was not in this country legally and kill them on site, just to send a message to anyone who is thinking that it might be worth it come to the States. I would then commandeer a 10-mile section of land on the US side of the border and fill it with landmines. On the north edge of this "death zone" would stand a 20-ft high, reinforced masonry wall that extends with 10 feet of reinforced concrete below the ground and 3 coils of razor wire on the top. The fill dirt used in this project would also be laced with thousands of pounds of cyanide and radon gas balloons would be placed every so often to prevent tunnelling. A guard tower would be built at intervals of 200 yards and border patrol agents would be placed in them with 30 calibur machine guns and a megaphone. While these measures might be drastic and terribly unrealistic, I would place them anyway, just to be safe. However, it is entirely not up to me, and I believe that strong and well-enforced deportation policies and even stronger and better-enforced border control policies would be sufficient. I don't, however, think that this issue can be resolved entirely without the shedding of blood. Illegal immigrants have come to expect too much from this country and it's government to go entirely peacefully.

At last, lest you think I'm a Marxist, I do believe in fair free trade and the application of self interest to help economies and individuals reach their goals and new heights and do things that they could not do otherwise. However, I also believe that with wealth also comes power, and as we should know, power corrupts. Those who have large quantities of wealth also have the capacity to oppress those who have less. When self interest causes one truly rightful citizen to harm or take away from another, it is time for something to happen that removes that person from power, even if it means removing the wealth of that person. In the case of the contemporary United States, the wealthy elite are using the power that they have gained to oppress what middle class by bringing in illegal immigrants by the vanload and change will come soon; hopefully in a way which is less violent and upheaving than the French Revolution.

Unemployment

If you've read anything that I've been posting over the last month or two, you really should know that I'm unemployed. My degree was posted to my transcripts on Thursday of this last week. With that, I am now fully unemployed, with no doubts about it. I've also been rejected from just as many jobs as ever recently and have been applying to yet more. I honestly don't think there's anything more that I can do... legally... that would more effectively help me find a job. Also, at my interview with WTI, I found out that I would be perfectly qualified for the job, that they wanted to hire me, and that I could start almost immediately, however, the job pays a glorious $11 and hour. And lest you think, "Well, you should just take what you can get," I should inform or remind you that my education was, in large part, financed with debt and that I owe in the neighborhood of $20,000 on those loans. A paltry $11 an hour is literally not enough for me to pay my bills and eat. (Trust me, I made an Excel spreadsheet and tried to squeeze my finances as much as I could, but without selling my blood plasma 6 times a week, I can't live on $11 an hour.) So, I'm pretty much left at square one. I have no job, no offers, have had one joke of an interview, and very few prospects for the future. To convolute matters, my father has issued the ultimatum that I must move out of his house by February 13th, 2011... which is about the same time my student loans come due.

So, all of this makes me really wonder what the *H* I'm going to do with my life if I don't have a job by that all-important date on the calendar. At this point, I think I would pack some limited amount of my crap into a bag and make my way back to Provo, somehow, someway. At that point I would probably bum places to sleep and meals off of whoever I could until I could find something on which my time is worth spending. One of my friends in Provo, Paul Bascom, mentioned that it would be a good idea to start an Arrested Development-esque banana stand in Provo. Honestly, I think this is a great idea and wouldn't mind contributing. Heck, since I'm genuinely unemployed, I could work there pretty much everyday that we'd be open, and maybe even make enough money to pay my bills... who knows.

At the same time, I've kind of been wondering if I should just become a legitimate hobo, since we're in the midst of the Great Depression v2.0 and my preferred industry has been hit especially hard. I think I might enjoy hopping on trains and making my way across the country; meeting up with other hobos and swapping hobo stories. Maybe find someplace to shower and then drop off a few résumés along the way. And heck, with Obamacare, I don't even have to worry about getting dysentery, since all expenses are paid by the United States government. Eating out of the dumpster behind Fazoli's just became that much more practical. At the same point, there are some implicit occupational hazards associated with being a hobo. Douchebags like the kind of douchebags who watch Jackass like to pick fights with hobos wherever they may end up. And people just generally like to kick and assault hobos just because they can. I think I'd have to cover this problem by carrying around a hobo knife with me. Like the hobo from the Simpsons sang, "Nothin' beats the hobo life, stabbin' folks with my hobo knife!" In this case, I think I'd have to carry around the Sog Seal 2000 that I got for Christmas a few years back. This thing has about a 6-in long, hardened steel blade that could puncture just about any portion of the human body... and is used by the Navy Seals, in case you couldn't tell. And if you're a hobo, the government can't come and collect you student loans. I'd have no permanent address and no assets to speak of... what are they going to do? Seize my ephing knapsack? I don't think so.

You might also wonder why, if I'm going to live as a hobo anyway, would I not just take a crappy $11 an hour job and then live under a bridge with a PO Box. Well, I've clearly thought of that, and there are several problems. Not the least of these is that, when you have a job, your boss co-workers, and everyone around you expects you to shower more or less daily. Not happening as a hobo. Additionally, I have the slightest sense of entitlement that tells me, "If I'm going to be working my @$$ off to make some money, I'm going to have a roof over my head." Honestly, I don't think that this is too much to expect. The last problem that I could foresee would be the lack of flexibility. The only reason why I'd live the hobo life is so that I could hop trains and end up in new places based on my arbitrary desires. I would be the master of my own destiny, regardless of how bleak that destiny actually was. If I had to be my boss' b*tch during the day, then get kicked by douchebags at night, with no promise of reprieve, I would almost certainly go homicidal... and probably suicidal too. It would really be the worst of both worlds.

All aspirations of being a hobo aside, the BYU STEM career fair is on the 22nd of September... and there's even another one on February 1st of next year. I'm hoping that I can find something remotely promising at that event, or at least pick up some good schwagg that will help me live my life as a hobo. I'm also just going to keep applying for jobs and try to have the blessing of the Lord with me, since I think we both know that that's the only way that someone's going to find a job in this crapconomy.

Shotgun Approach

I've decided that, instead of trying to dedicate an individual blag entry to each of things that I have floating, or dancing, or screaming in my head, I'd just say a couple of things about each of them.

• I graduated from BYU. After enduring through countless hours, tests, and erasures... and being subjected to the sadism of BYU Math and BYU Poli Sci, I'm finally done.
• GPA's: Overall - 3.54, Generals w/ Religion - 3.56, Generals w/o Religion - 3.40, Civil Engineering - 3.53, Management Minor - 3.80.
• If BYU ever posts my degree to my transcripts, I will be unemployed. Technically, you don't count as unemployed until you're out of school. However, I've felt pretty unemployed for the past 4 months.
• I actually have a job interview on Thursday for a job in Babylon. After 8 months of carefully placing resumes around the country, I finally got an actual interview.
• The job doesn't pay what I wish it did, but it would be at least somewhat related to my area of study and it would by far superior to nothing. It's for a construction materials testing technician. Basically, I would make concrete cylinders and break them according to ASTM and AASHTO standards.
• I could appreciate finding a job in Utah. I mean, I did leave BYU without a ring, after all. Between the girls and the friends I have in Happy Valley, I'd like the opportunity to work and to continue living in Utah.
• I've had the song, "Paint with All the Colors of the Wind" from the movie Pocahontas stuck in my head for the last 6 days. It all started when I heard Candace Shields sing in sacrament meeting. Her voice reminded me of Pocahontas, and now that I don't really have much in the way of responsibility or business, the song has been stuck in my head.
• Once I actually get a job, I'll actually get a car for the first time in my life. There are many ways that I want to be like Jesus, however walking everywhere I go isn't one of them. My dad and I have been talking about getting a brand new Chevrolet Cobalt. :D
• I've decided that, if I get a Ph.D. I want to get it from Georgia Tech... mostly just because I want to sing their wicked-cool fight song at a football game.
• At some point here soon, I'm going to make a poster to parody the BYU BGS poster that asks, "Leave BYU Without a Degree?" by replacing the word 'Degree' with 'Spouse.'
• I've decided that I want to name my firstborn son, 'Scott Manning,' not only after the legit rockstar Scott Manning, but also in honor of the man who came up with arguably the most useful and most controversial relationship in fluid mechanics, Osbourne Manning.
• I kind of want to change my middle name to, 'The Hands,' or 'μαλάκα,' or 'τα χέρια.'

That should pretty much do it. Now for the Georgia Tech fight song, a clear beacon of morality in these latter days :P

Somebody to Love would be Good Too...

Based on my recent struggles with employment and the crapconomy, I've decided to rewrite the classic Queen song, "Somebody to Love." Enjoy.

Someplace I Can Work
Remix of 'Somebody to Love'
by Queen

Can anybody find me someplace I can work?

Each time I check my email I die a little.

Can Hardly believe what I see.

I take a look at my CV and I cry.

Oh, what's been happening to me?

I've spent all of my years believing that,

If I had a degree I'd be fine!

Somebody, Somebody...

Can anybody find me someplace I can work?

I'll work hard every day of my life.

I'll work till I ache in my bones.

I don't even ask for much hard-earned pay all of my own.

I feel like there are bees,

chasing after me,

but they're really my student loans!

Oh somebody, somebody...

Can anybody find me someplace I can work?

(He'll work hard)

Everyday I apply and apply and apply

But everybody wants to send me down

To the unemployment line!

They say my benefits are about to run out

Got no way to pay

I'm even on my 14th mortgage!

No, no no no...

Oh Gosh,

Somebody, somebody...

Can anybody find me someplace I can work?

Got no cash, I got no credit.

The bank keeps taking my stuff.

Not okay, not alright.

I don't want to sell my spleen!

I gotta get out of this economy.

Someday I'm gonna be employed!

Find me someplace I can work.

Can anybody find me someplace I can work?

Dang, I should Complain More Often

So, this morning, less than twelve hours after my rant on Dr. Benzley's demoralizing exit survey, I checked my inbox, as I often do to find a very encouraging email. This email was from Kathy Buck, a hiring manager with Bechtel Corp. in response to my application to job number whatever in Frederick, Maryland. When I first saw this, I naturally assumed that it was an ordinary job rejection notice like I had received as a result of countless other job applications. When I opened it, I was actually surprised to find that Bechtel was somewhat interested in actually talking to me and not just taking my résumé, folding it into a paper airplane and chucking it out the window. Kathy with Bechtel actually asked for a copy of my transcripts and said that if I hadn't heard back from her by the 13th of next month, which is coincidentally the day that I graduate, that I should call her for updates on my application.

Though Frederick, MD is 1600 miles from my hometown and over 2000 miles from where I am right now making this blag post, I think that I would actually enjoy living in that area and working there. This town is actually about 50 miles west of both the Washington DC metro area and Baltimore, both of which tend to be ghetto, crime-ridden crapholes. I would really dislike living near or between either of those two pits, and Frederick is far enough for my tastes. Additionally, Frederick is only about 10 miles from the Virginia border, and strangely enough only about 25 miles from the town of Leesburg, Virginia, coincidentally where I applied for another job a couple months ago. If I established residency in Virginia, I would be able to get in-state tuition at Virginia Tech and would be able to go there comparatively easily. Naturally, this is all hypothetical, but it would be pretty awesome if it actually happened.

Hooray employment, hooray opportunities, hooray Bechtel, and hooray Hokies.

Thanks for that Dr. Benzley

Today I got an email from BYU's civil engineering department asking me to fill out an exit survey before I graduate and that it's required for graduation, blah blah blah. Before today, I was kind of looking forward to this email because it meant that the CE department had actually been keeping track of me and that I am indeed on track to graduate in two weeks. However, once I opened the exit survey and started filling out the questions, I was slightly less than contented. I'm sure that my department chair, Dr. Steven E. Benzley didn't mean to totally defame my character and make me look like a worthless waste of flesh, but that's pretty much how it turned out. Here are the first four questions from the survey. The rest of them are irrelevant to my point and mostly consist of me crapping on the incendiary evil that is the math department.

1. Where will you be working after graduation?
2. What is the salary range of job offers you have received so far?
3. Are you married?
4. Did you serve an LDS mission?

Those were literally the first four questions on the survey. Of all the failures I've had over the past 4 years, these are clearly the most poignant and agitating. When you submit mission papers and the Church says, "Hell no, you won't go!" you don't exactly feel like you're the king of the world. You could argue that this wasn't actually my fault, but you're certainly not going to convince my subconscious. As the Divine Comedy skit 'Zoobie and the Beast' put it, "The point of college is to get married!" At BYU, this is obnoxiously valid and rigorously followed by students and ecclesiastical leaders. Barring some tragic turn of events that would result in me getting married in the next two weeks, this isn't going to happen. My relationships with both fiancée #1 and fiancée #2 serve as the pinnacle of my inability to fulfill my BYU destiny. And finally, I've busted my A for the last 4 years to be able to earn a degree that was actually useful and would land me a good job after college. Little did I know that in 2010, a BS in Civil Engineering would be about as useful as a BA in English. My BS is genuinely BS at this point. Perhaps it's that I have no real experience to speak of, or maybe it's that my résumé just sucks, because I have applied for ~300 jobs and I have not heard back from a single one of them for an interview. Yeah, that's right, it's not my lack of professionalism or personal skills that are holding me back... at least not yet, it's actually just that people see my résumé and say, "No thanks."

So I thank you BYU Civil Engineering Department for pointing out my most significant failures from the last 4 years and then jamming them into my eye sockets. I would liken my feelings right now to a red-hot cast iron torsion sample thrusted squarely and firmly into the groin... or so. Now the best part is that I get to answer similar questions 2, 5, and 10 years from now as a follow-up. Hooray for reliving this wonderful event... and hooray beer!

Dear Hiring Managers,

Recently I've heard a lot about how you monitor all of my activity on social networking sites, track my credit and spend habits, and may or may not be putting a 'wire' tap on my phone to monitor my calls and/or text messages. With this in mind, I will take a glorious opportunity to explain to you why I should become part of your company as an entry-level engineer, construction manager, or intern. If you're here, you've probably already seen my résumé, cover letter, college transcripts, and maybe even my credit history, criminal background, and driving record, so I won't focus too much on the things covered by those media. I will instead focus on the things you'll find on my social networking sites, and in my various communications with my friends.

The first thing that I'd like to point out to you is my clean and well-behaved lifestyle. As you can see from my photos and posts on facebook and twitter, I'm not much into riotous living with lots of booze, drugs, and strange women. I like to live my life in a way that I can think clearly and rationally most every second of the day. If I was allowed an opportunity at your company, I'd be able to focus on the goals and objectives that were set before me by management instead of being distracted and chemically modified by a riotous lifestyle. I'd like to think that I am just more wise and sagacious than most 22 year-old men out there and that my interests and activities reflect such.

The next thing that I'd like to point out is that I do have a personality and a sense of humor, but I assure you that I know where the line needs to be drawn between humor and professionalism. I believe that I could bring an upbeat feeling and a sense of lightheartedness to many offices. However, I also know and can recognize that there are many situations in which any humor is entirely inappropriate. As you can probably see, I enjoy making playful jokes with my friends and acquaintances, but I know that there are many situations in business which call for professionalism and a stoic character.

Reading through this blog in particular, you may have concerns that I would not be able to work well with or around women. I would assure you, however that any issue that I have with women is only at the romantic level of a relationship. As long as there is no romance between me and a women in the office, there would be no problem. Along those same lines, I am personally no particularly fond of workplace romance, so that would be a minimal concern. I would also have no problem working with others of different races, religions, colors, creeds, age groups, etc.

Finally, I would like to point out that this blog serves as somewhat of a writing sample. Though I would be more involved in technical writing, I would like to point out I am generally pretty good at putting my ideas down in writing. I rarely edit or proofread these blog posts for content or mechanics, but they usually end up turning out exceptionally well. In a work setting, my writing would even improve because I would take the time to double and triple check my writing for mechanical errors and for content since it would certainly be worth my time.

Overall, I believe that the content of my social networking sites and other communications with my friends should not act as a deterrent to adding me as a new member of your company, but should give some insight into why you should hire me. I believe that I would make an excellent asset to any company and would love to have to opportunity to prove my worth, not only intellectually, but with my personality as well.