The Algorithm

In order to solidify one's place in nerd history, one has to make a few things part of his/her everyday life. One of these is to try to quantify just about anything, regardless of how effectively it can truly be quantified. Another of these is to have a dysfunctional dating life such that one would be just as inclined to stay at home on Saturday nights and play MMORPGs than socialize with the opposite sex.

So naturally, last Saturday night I was sitting around in my Animal House pajamas when I got a brilliant idea. I would make an algorithm to quantify what sort of women I'm attracted to. Could this actually be useful? Perhaps. While I was at BYU, I often ended up not going on dates because of the paradox of choice, among ...many... other things. The algorithm could give a hierarchy to queue, such that I might know who I should take out. I don't claim that it will actually work out that way, but at least it's a nice thought.

So, here it is:

R = 0 For S > B

where

and

A = Attractiveness

P = Subjective Physical Attractiveness on a 1-10 scale
IQ = Intelligence Quotient
σE = Deviation of Eccentricities
σEM = My Deviation of Eccentricities
T = Testimony Factor, 1-10 scale
C = Charity Factor, 1-10 scale
R = Responsibility Factor, 1-10 scale
B = Perception of Time Spent in Constructive Activity (B stands for 'Books'), Percent
Tw = Perception of Time Spent in Things that Look like Constructive Activity but Aren't (Tw stands for 'Twilight'), Percent
S = Perception of Time Spent in non-Constructive Activity (S stands for 'Shopping'), Percent
H = Humor Factor, 1-10 scale
FG = Pro 2nd Amendment, 1-10 scale
AR = Reciprocal Attraction, 1-10 scale

There are six separate pieces to this equation that all deserve to be looked at in more detail.

Emotional Stability, ES

The two sigma (σ) terms in the equation represent the number of standard deviations away from average the mental and emotional eccentricities of me and a prospective partner would be. In practice, this serves as the personality term of the equation. If I think that I and a prospective partner is way different from me, I could make the difference in sigma terms as high as 6, lowering the overall attractiveness. If I think that someone is similar to me in a way that would be conducive to a relationship, I could make the difference in sigmas zero, so that the 'Big 3' term wouldn't be divided up at all.

The Big 3 Parameter, 2P(IQ-70)/ES

The 'Big 3' represents the three points of most emphasis when looking for a date: looks, brains, and personality. This parameter can vary anywhere from 0 to 1200, making it approximately 46% of the equation.

The Spirituality Parameter, 8T*C

This parameter is a simple product of my perceptions of testimony and charity. I've expressed my desire to end up with a woman who has a testimony and who lives according to that testimony in the past. Any woman who's a member of the church will probably end up with at least 7s in both testimony and charity unless I know she's involved in sketchy activity. Variance of 0 to 800, 31% of the total.

The (Anal) Retentiveness Parameter, R(B-T-S)*H/25

Basically, I want a woman who's responsible, but knows how to laugh at things when they're funny. Through much of my life, I've noticed that there are often women who read and women who go shopping. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with shopping, I'm just making an analogy to priorities between something I find constructive, like reading and something I find mostly non-constructive, like shopping. In the world of books, there's also crap that looks good, but really isn't at its core, like Twilight. The same applies to life. As a side note, everyone needs to have non-constructive activity once in a while in order to remain sane. This isn't reflected in the equation and is one of its weaknesses. In order to keep the term from going negative (and thus punishing for humor) R is taken to zero when S exceeds B. I should also mention that this factor tends to not favor younger women, who don't look as responsible as their older counterparts, even though they could have been just as responsible at the same age. I considered using an age correction factor, but decided against it. Variance of 0-400, 15% of the total.

The Gun Factor, FG

I like firearms, and I wish everyone else did too. Especially for women in this day and age, knowledge of how to use a gun is a valuable tool that could save one's life. I have to bump down women who don't feel this way a notch, especially when their reasoning is something naïve like "Guns kill people." Variance of 0 to 100, 4% of the total.

Reciprocal Attraction, AR

People are generally more fond of people who like them. I'm not sure this needs any more explanation than that. Variance of 0 to 100, 4% of the total.

The theoretical total of this equation comes out to 2600 points, though that would be ridiculous, just like scoring a 0 would be ridiculous. Most women will probably come out to somewhere between 850 and 1750, though I don't know for sure because I haven't really tried it out much yet. However, I have tried it out, so here are some case studies.

Case Studies

The first evaluation is a woman (yes, she is real... as far as I know) who I find very attractive physically, mentally, and emotionally. This woman manages to remind me of my good qualities without really showing my bad ones. In short, she's a gem. We'll call this woman 'Exhibit B' for anonymity's sake.

Exhibit B

The next is of a woman who exemplifies the Everclean song, "Sweet Spirit" with tragic precision. She's a great person, but I could literally find nothing, from head to toe, that I found physically attractive about her, and trust me, I tried.

Sweet Spirit

This next one is a younger woman I met my senior year at BYU. She's weird, but in a similar way to me. She had great priorities and a sneaky sense of humor, though she ignored me about half the time, so I'm not sure how that would have worked out. We'll call her 'Princess Zelda.'

Princess Zelda

Now, I'm sure you'd love to know how fiancées 1 and 2 stack up. So here you go.

Fiancée #1 (Clearly thinking with the wrong head)

Fiancée #2 (Might have killed me in my sleep if we got married)

So that's how it works. As a footnote to this blag post, I'd like to mention that I developed this algorithm primarily with the goal of picking out dates and bringing order to the queue rather than picking a spouse. Personally, there's one big thing that's missing from this methodology that would be key to picking a spouse and that's sanity. The ES factor helps quantify it, but if fiancée #2 was to be truly rated on sanity, she's go from 1429 to -138 instantaneously. I like quantifying things, but I think picking the one should be a separate deal.

So here's to me (maybe) having a semi-functional relationship with women. Cheers!

The Walls of Jericho

The title to this post is not a metaphor, this post is about the actual walls of Jericho. Also this post is mostly a matter of opinion and intuition and may not reflect what truly happened at the siege of Jericho. However, I feel that, based on my limited knowledge of the events and basic principles of science, I can offer some insights to those who have not chosen my field of study.

Yesterday, in sacrament meeting, one of the talks was about the Book of Joshua, and coincidentally, about the events that took place in his life. The speaker gave a rendition of the events described in chapter 6 of the Book of Joshua when the children of Israel besieged the city of Jericho and brought its walls tumbling down. Being the nerd that I am, I took hold of this thought and have been thinking about it ever since; seriously, I have no idea what the second speaker talked about. I've thought about it, and based on my knowledge of soil and wave mechanics, I believe that I can offer a scientific explanation to what happened in Jericho several thousand years ago.

The story goes that after the children of Israel had crossed the river Jordan (not to be confused with the Jordan river in Utah) and besieged the city of Jericho, the Lord counseled Joshua, who was the prophet to have his warriors march around the city once a day for six days, after which the priests would blow a trumpet made from a ram's horn. Then, on the seventh day, they would march around the city seven times, blow the rams' horns for an extended period of time, and all the warriors would shout at the top of their lungs. The Lord promised that if they did this, the city of Jericho would be theirs.

I'm not totally familiar with the construction methods or materials of the era, nor am I intimately familiar with the soil conditions of the region. Based on other passages in the Bible and the construction of other structures at the same time, it would be reasonable to believe that either bricks or stones would have been used with either some bituminous material as mortar, or with no mortar at all. Also of note, the city of Jericho was located somewhere around 825 feet below sea level in a deep river basin. This would generally lead to soft soils with fairly small particle size and low angularity, resulting in low shear strength.

Figure 1. Soil and resonance in the Walls of Jericho failure.

I've included a picture of my own drawing as Figure 1, above, that says at least a thousand words about what I think could have happened. The cross-section of the wall is shown to be about plumb (vertical) before the children of Israel arrive and besiege the city. As the priests carrying the ark of the covenant and the warriors march around the city once daily, they put a force on the soil (FI) that results in stresses, shown by stress bulbs underneath the stick figure. These stresses would result in a lateral force (FL) being applied to the bottom of the wall, causing it to rotate slightly off of plumb. The priests then blowing their trumpets made of rams' horns could insight a low-amplitude vibration in the wall that could weaken both the wall's structure and the soil beneath it.

The marching around the city once a day would cause a certain amount of rotation of the wall, but would be partially ameliorated by the dissipation of pore pressures (water pressure in the soil). With time, the pore pressures would dissipate and the lateral force applied to the wall would dissipate as well. However, on the seventh day, when the children of Israel marched around the wall seven times, it created a large lateral force that could not be reduced by the dissipation of pore pressures in time. This caused an even greater rotation in the wall than the previous six days worth of daily marches.

When the priests blew their horns and the people gave a loud shout, it's probable that the sound waves induced either a large-amplitude vibration, or outright resonance in the wall. With the wall in its out-of-plumb state, it's possible that this vibration could have caused an eccentricity in the structure that brought it down all by itself. It's also possible that the vibration in the wall could have caused a shear failure in the soil beneath that would cause a brick or stone wall to collapse just from the static load of its weight (W). Another important thing to note is that a continuous wall cannot rotate outward without cracks forming along the top. In reality, it probably would have been contributions from all three of these factors that brought down the walls of Jericho.

In my picture, it would appear that the wall would have collapsed on the children of Israel. I really have no idea how tall the wall was nor do I know how far Israel was standing from it. I've also exaggerated the rotations of the wall to make them easier to see in the picture. There's also a good chance the Israel stood at least a few feet away from the wall in anticipation of collapse. The distance of the wall collapse outward and the distance that the children of Israel would have had to have marched in order to create a significant lateral force on the bottom of the wall may have been similar, but it really depends on the height and subterranean depth of the wall, which I decidedly don't know.

Now, the best part about this, in my opinion, is that not even the brightest and most educated people in the world would have had the slightest clue about soil or wave mechanics in 1200 BC, when Israel overthrew Jericho. Galileo recognized that a wave could vibrate with more energy than was put into it (basically resonance) in the early AD 1600s. Even better, Karl Terzaghi didn't give birth to modern soil mechanics until the AD 1940s. Trust me, the children of Israel were not the most educated people in the world, either. They had spent generations being slaves in Egypt and 40 years wandering through a barren desert. I don't suppose that there would have been a wealth of scientific knowledge flowing through the minds of the people of Israel.

The reason that Israel was able to use these complex scientific principles to their advantage over the gentiles was that the Lord knew all of these principles and more that even I don't understand now. The Lord revealed to Israel what they should do in order to conquer. It would have been a seemingly useless and monotonous thing to march around the city once a day for six days and then seven times on the seventh. This is especially true when an army is used to taking over cities by force, as was the convention at the time. I can imagine soldiers whining because they just wanted to take over the city already and move on to the promised land. However, the Lord had a plan for them to take over the city. When they had followed that plan, they were able to begin attacking the city from every side and to utterly destroy it without much loss on their side. In the same way, the Lord will guide each of us to better things than we could ever imagine if we will exercise patience and follow the plan that he has set up for us.

I Clearly Have Too Much Time On My Hands

...because I just ranked all of the classes I took as an undergrad. The format is: Class Code - Class Name: Instructor, Term, Grade.

1. CE En 421 - Structural Steel Design: Paul Richards, Winter 2010, A
2. CE En 321 - Structural Analysis: Rick Balling, Fall 2009, A
3. CE En 341 - Elementary Soil Mechanics: Travis Gerber, Winter 2010, A-
4. CE En 332 - Hydraulics and Fluid Flow Theory: Rollin Hotchkiss, Winter 2009, A-
5. Rel A 121 - Book of Mormon: Camille Fronk-Olsen, Fall 2007, A
6. Acc 200 - Principles of Accounting: Norm Nemrow, Winter 2010, A
7. Bus M 380 - Executive Lectures: Cheryl McBeth, Fall 2009, A
   
8. Ex Sc 116 - Beginning Bowling: The Asian Dude, Spring 2009, A
9. CE En 204 - Dynamics: Dr. C, Fall 2008, A-
10. CE En 112 - Engineering Graphics and CAD: Clyne Curtis, Fall 2007, A
11. CE En 103 - Statics: Dr. C, Fall 2007, A-
    
12. Geol 330 - Geology for Engineers: Randy Skinner, Spring 2008, A-
13. Rel C 234 - LDS Marriage and Family: Kent Brooks, Fall 2008, A
14. Stat 221 - Principles of Statistics: Perpetua Nielsen, Spring 2008, A
15. Math 112 - Calculus I: Don't Remember, Fall 2006, A
16. CE En 461 - Geometric Design of Highways: Mitsuru Saito, Spring 2008, A-
17. Rel A 212 - New Testament: Camille Fronk-Olsen, Winter 2009, A
18. CE En 424 - Reinforced Concrete Design: Paul Richards, Spring 2010, B+
19. CE En 433 - Hydraulic Engineering: Wood Miller, Spring 2009, B+
20. CE En 305A - Metals, Woods, and Composites: Dave Jensen, Fall 2009, A
21. CE En 203 - Mechanics of Materials: Dr. C, Winter 2008, A-
22. CE En 305B - Concrete, Masonry, and Asphalt: Spencer Guthrie, Fall 2009, A-
23. Rel C 324 - Doctrine and Covenants: Guy Dorius, Fall 2008, A
24. Econ 110 - Econ Principles and Problems: Matt Butler, Spring 2010, A-
25. CE En 113 - Engineering Measurements: Dr. Reese, Spring 2008, A
26. Engl 316 - Technical Communication: Nicole Wistisen, Winter 2010, A-
27. Physics 123 - Physics II: Dave Allred, Fall 2007, B+
28. Math 214 - Multivariable Calculus: Emma Turner, Winter 2008, B+
29. CE En 351 - Environmental Engineering: Gus Williams, Winter 2009, A-
30. Chem 106 - Principles of Chem II: Dr. Herrick, Winter 2007, A
31. Psych 111 - General Psychology: Mikel(?) South, Winter 2008, A
32. Rel C 325 - Doctrine and Covenants: Randy Bott, Winter 2010, A
33. Bus M 340 - Marketing: Doug Witt, Summer 2010, A-
34. Rel A 122 - Book of Mormon: Sherrie Johnson, Winter 2008, A
35. Chem 105 - Principles of Chem I: Dr. Seger, Fall 2006, B
36. CE En 361 - Intro to Transportation Engrg: Grant Schultz, Winter 2009, B+
37. Engl 150 - Writing & Rhetoric: Sarah Jenkins, Fall 2007, B
38. CE En 470 - Senior Design (kind of): Wood Miller, Winter 2010, A-
39. Bio 100 - Principles of Biology: Sis. Jefferies (I think), Fall 2009, A-
40. Bus M 300 - Finance: Lise Crawford, Summer 2010, B+
41. Physics 121 - Physics 1: Alex Flournoy, Winter 2007, B
42. CE En 562 - Traffic Engineering: Mitsuru Saito, Fall 2009, B+
43. CE En 270 - Computational Methods: James Nelson, Fall 2008, B
44. Org B 320 - Human Resources: None Really, Summer 2010, A-
45. Math 113 - Calculus II: Don't Remember, Winter 2007, B
46. A Htg 100 - American Heritage: The Bald Guy, Fall 2007, B
47. Left 101 - That One Hippie Class: The Hippie Woman, Fall 2006, A
    
48. CE En 100A - Stupid Semenar: Michael Borup, Fall 2007, A-
49. CE En 100B - Stupid Semenar: Michael Borup, Winter 2008, C+
50. CE En 200A - Stupid Semenar: Michael Borup, Fall 2008, A-
51. CE En 200B - Stupid Semenar: Michael Borup, Winter 2009, B+
52. CE En 300A - Stupid Semenar: Michael Borup, Fall 2009, B+
53. CE En 400C - Even Stupider Semenar: Michael Borup, Winter 2010, A-
54. GYM 101 - Gym I: Don't Remember, Fall 2006, A
55. GYM 102 - Gym II: Don't Remember, Winter 2007, A
56. Pl Sc 201 - Western Political Heritage 1: Dr. Hancock, Fall 2008, B-
57. Pl Sc 202 - Western Political Heritage 2: The Canadian Guy, Winter 2009, C+
58. Math 334 - Ordinary Differential Equations: John Dallon, Fall 2008, C+
59. Math 343 - Elementary Linear Algebra: Jeff Humpherys, Fall 2007, C

Did I really take 59 classes while I was in college? In all honesty, I might have taken even more, as there might have been a class or two that I forgot about. Also, you've probably noticed that there's a nice correlation between my ranking of a class and my grade in the class, but don't get your cause and effect mixed up. For the most part, I got good grades in classes because I enjoyed them; I didn't enjoy classes because I got good grades in them. Just so you know... ;)

The List

Latter-day Saints around the world are often encouraged (sometimes to their detriment) to create a list of qualities that they would look for in a spouse. I've always thought this was kind of a corny cliché, but recently I've been thinking about what kind of woman I'd like to be with for the rest of eternity... yeah, that's right, ETERNITY! Considering the nature of my 2 previous engagements, I probably should have done this sooner, but alas, here's what I've come up with. I've ranked them in approximate order of importance, but other than the pluses at the bottom, they're all pretty important.

• Sane, or in more PC terms, emotionally stable - I'd like to think here that there's a happy medium somewhere between being totally incapable of expressing emotion and thus bottling it up and wanting to kill people in their sleep (à la fiancée #2) and being so emotive that every decision you make is dominated by emotions. Maybe this is just a pipe dream. There are various other neuroses out there, but let's just say that I'd like to be with a woman who's within about 2 standard deviations of average sanity. Just about any woman who was loved by and who still has a good relationship with her parents and who hasn't been sexually assaulted/molested will be easily in this range. These are the two parameters I look at most. I look forward to your letters.
• Compassionate, Kind, Genuine, Sincere, etc. - I've met a few hardcore, two-faced b*tches in my day and I want nothing to do with that. I'd like to be with a woman who is capable of being a caring and empathetic mother and is willing to love people for who they are. All of us make mistakes and I only hope that I can find a woman who is willing to forgive when true repentance is espoused by the transgressor.
• Dedicated to the Gospel & to Christ - I really don't want to have to drag my wife (and, by extension, our children) to church kicking and screaming. While most of the women who fit well in this category would be less than interested in me, I still hold out hope. :)
• Financially Responsible - I know that most women get some strange, ethereal utility out of spending money on things that they may or may not ever use, but there are always limits. If a woman doesn't have the capacity to know how much money her family unit is bringing in and limit her spending to less than that amount, I will run away with my fingers in my ears yelling "LA LA LA LA! Can't hear you!" all the way.
• Reasonably Intelligent - My engagement with Fiancée #1 broke off 1) because we were both a little cuckoo and 2) because she was significantly less intelligent than me. Don't get me wrong, I loved her, but when there's basically no intellectual compatibility or common ground, it's just not going to work. I generally suppose that I'm about 4.5 standard deviations above average in intelligence. Even though it would eliminate a large proportion of women, I think a woman would need to be at least 1.5 standard deviations above average to be compatible.
  
• There's No Good Antonym for 'Jealous' - I'm not exclusively talking about being jealous of other women. My companion shouldn't be worried in any way about that, because engineers make great husbands. What I'm speaking of more is something I call "time jealousy." I've met a few women who are so jealous of their husbands having hobbies or friends that they whine so incessantly, their husbands give up hope of ever having a life outside of their wife. I understand that some people need quality time to feel loved, but at some point, you cross over into the realm of the first point on this list.
• Attractive - Let me just say that I'm in no way looking for a swimsuit model (because men don't generally find supermodels terribly attractive.) Attractive women are great, but at the end of the day, you have to deal with the b*tch behind the pretty face. There are really only two things that I look for. The first is a woman who's thinner than me, because let's be honest, no one is going to be happy if a wife is flabbier than her husband. I'll admit the second is weird, but I think I'm entitled to my preferences. I don't know what it is, but I like a woman a shapely chin. Yeah, it doesn't really make sense to me either, just go with it. If a woman is reasonably thin and has a nice chin, she's pretty much all that ask for in terms of looks. (I'm also a sucker for a woman with green eyes. This is in no way a prerequisite, but it would be a solid plus. :)
• Accepting of my Humor and the Frequent Lack Thereof - This kind of hearkens back to point 2, but I'd like a woman who will crack up at my witty remarks every now and then. It'd be even better if she had a few witty remarks of her own, but I make no such demands.
• Pro 2nd Amendment - I embrace an "I will have guns in my house, and if you don't like it, you can come take them from me; I'll be waiting," kind of mentality. If a woman doesn't accept guns in the house, we shouldn't get married. Luckily, this is becoming progressively easier to find.
  
• Willing to Let me Name my Firstborn Son Whatever I Please - If he was born right now, his name would be "Jimmer."

Pluses (By no means necessary, but nice nonetheless.)

• Affectionate - I like to be touched and to touch in return. If a woman shared that sentiment, it would add a lot to our relationship.
• Sports Literate - A healthy proportion of my banter comes from the world of sports, especially from the months of September to January (Football season and MLB playoffs.) If a woman could at least appreciate an occasional game, it would be really nice.
• On a Similar Level of Nerdiness - I don't necessarily want a woman who wants to talk bearing capacity failures and prestressed concrete all day, but I would like a woman who has at least a couple of things that she's mega-nerdy about. It could be biology, literature, speech anatomy, or ancient near-eastern history, but I'd like a woman that had that passion about a thing or two so that she could talk about it all day. Also, a woman who appreciated Doctor Who, anime, and the occasional video game would be nice too.

Well, that pretty much sums it up. There may have been a few things I forgot, or that are short extensions of points already mentioned, but I think that should do it for now.

Just in Case You Had Any Doubt that I'm a Nerd

So, I was looking through my blag posts, both new and old, and I realized that I have not yet on this blag really mentioned my life's passion and the field where most of my greatest talents lie. Though over the last two years, a bachelor's degree in civil engineering has been reduced to the likes of a BA in English or a BS in Psychology, this field is truly where I belong.

I'd like to take a moment to explain that I'm comparing a BS in Civil Engineering to the aforementioned degrees because one who completes any of them has zero chance of finding a job other than bagging groceries in the years 2010/2011... much like any other bachelor's degree. According to BYU's undergraduate catalog, a BA in English takes 48-65 credit hours (depending on your foreign language experience) and a BS in Psych takes 52-53. For those of you who are saying, "And your point is?" a bachelor's in civil engineering takes 95-96 hours which include courses in chemistry, physics, single and multivariable calculus, mechanics of materials, structural analysis, fluid mechanics, and if you're really ambitious, something called "Continuum Mechanics and Finite Element Analysis." It's not exactly literary criticism that we're dealing with. Over the last 200 years, there have only really been 2 in which it was difficult to find a job with a BS in Civil Engineering, and those were 2009 and 2010.

Anywho, I have wanted to be a civil engineer since I was in the 8th grade. Before that, I had ambitions of being a Paleontologist, a Marine Biologist, and a Mechanical Engineer. The turning point came when my 8th grade shop class held a balsa wood bridge building contest. The assignment was given before the winter break and the bridges were to be broken about a week after the break. Being the nerd that I am, I spent almost the entirety of that winter break sketching out the truss structure for my balsa wood bridge, including miter joints and angles and then carefully constructing my bridge. (Through 4 years of college, I've realized that my design was far from being very efficient, but it worked out fairly well.) The method that was used to break them was barbaric, but neither I, nor anyone else in the class new any better. Mr. Moore took a pair of wooden blocks, put them 8 inches apart, put a coffee can on top of the bridge, and put 45-lb weight plates on top of the coffee can. Though my bridge made some cracking noises early on, it managed to hold 962x its own weight, which wasn't the best design, but it was up there. After that experience, I decided that designing infrastructure was something for I had a passion and something that I would want to do for the rest of my life.

Throughout my time studying civil engineering in college, I found that I enjoyed learning about most, though not all, of the sub-specialties of civil engineering and most of the principles that went therewith. I think I was the only person in the history of CEEn 203, Mechanics of Materials who not only understood Castigliano's theorem the first time, but also kind of enjoyed it. I can say that I enjoyed learning the concepts in just about all of my classes that were labeled "CEEn." There are some notable exceptions. CEEn 270 involved coding. I'm not only incredibly bad at coding, I hate the very thought of it. As far as I'm concerned, you cut a check and you get software by email or on a CD by snail mail. I was thinking about going into transportation engineering when I realized that transportation engineers are just a mask for corrupt and incompetent government officials to do whatever they want anyway. While this is true in some cases anywhere in civil engineering, it's true in almost every case that I've found for transportation engineering. I can totally get into designing an intersection for maximum efficiency. However, designing an intersection so that people have to wait extra long at the light in front of the Target that a city councilman's brother owns is not my bag... if you get my drift. When I went into my class in environmental engineering, I secretly dared the course to prove to me that this sub-specialty wasn't just a bunch of leftist hippies with good math skills. Sadly after the encounters with deep ecology and conversion factors in the back of the book like, "1 lite year = 365 days drinking low-calorie beer," and "2 kilo-mockingbird = 2000 mockingbirds," I couldn't possibly take the field seriously. However, there are still the fields of structural, hydraulic, and geotechnical engineering along with a couple others that captivate my interest.

Since I have little to no chance of finding a job in civil engineering over the next couple of years with only a bachelor's degree, I have decided to pursue a master's degree (as if you haven't heard about that on this blag.) In civil engineering, a master's degree usually involves an area of deeper specialization in a sub-specialty like structural or water resources engineering. At this point, I've decided that I want to study geotechnical engineering, mostly because I could justify taking a couple of courses in other sub-specialties, since geotechnical engineering is so broad. For those who aren't familiar with the concept of geotechnical engineering, it is literally the engineering of dirt, and includes topics like soil mechanics, foundation design, groundwater flow, etc. As fiancée #2 pointed out, this does indeed sound like about the nerdiest thing that you could possibly think of. And yes, I realized this when I took Elementary Soil Mechanics with Dr. Gerber at BYU.

On that note, I recently bought a foundation engineering textbook to read to keep my neurons from withering away and dying while I'm hopelessly un(der)employed. I just started reading it, and again I'm taken back to that day when I designed my first structure in 8th grade shop class. Not only am I now thinking about structures and how the individual members interact with each other, but also how the entire structure interacts with the soil, and the potential problems that can be faced when a foundation is not properly designed.

The reason why I'm writing this blag post is because it has been reaffirmed again to me today that civil engineering is really what I love and that if the construction industry ever rebounds and I can find in job in this field that I will scarcely have to work a day in my life. I've known people who have gone through multiple years of college and still not really known what they want to do. I made it through an engineering program in 4 years at least partially because I figured out what I wanted to do for a living in the 8th grade and have hardly had any doubts since. In the words of one dubious BYU Econ professor, "Self, great day." :D

The Least Interesting Man in the World

Disclaimer: This blog post might be perceived as a rant about how much my life sucks. It is not... I really think I have a legitimate case to receive the title of the least interesting man in the world.

Over the past few weeks/months, the commercials for Dos Equis brand beer have had me thinking. These commercials feature the "Most Interesting Man in the World." Of course, at the end he endorses Dos Equis beer, and the commercial makes you think that you'll be more interesting if you drink their piss-water...blah blah blah. The point here is that these commercials have got me to thinking that I might be able to earn the converse title, the least interesting man in the world.

Let's state my case, shall we?

1) I'm a Mormon. "Come on down! We don't drink. We don't smoke. We don't even drink caffeine!" -Robin Williams. And our good friend Robin didn't even mention chastity. Let's see if I can recite all of the behaviors forbidden by the "Honor Cone" to be done outside of marriage: Coitus, Fellatio, Cunnilingus, Sodomy, "Petting", "Heavy Petting", Kissing with tongue, Wanking, Anything else that could be construed as sex, talking about sex, thinking about sex, wanting to have sex. In fact the only permissible sexual behavior is dreaming (while unconscious) about sex. :)

2) I'm from Northglenn, Colorado. I can hear everyone who reads this saying, "Where the eph is Northglenn?" I'll tell you. It's a suburb about the size of a postage stamp due North (go figure) of Denver. Some fat-cat land developer decided that he wanted to create a whole city on the cheap and make a bunch of money. He cut corners wherever possible, and came out with a city that has absolutely no pride, no culture, and no income. :)

3) I'm deathly afraid of people in general, but most especially, women. I tend to do very little socializing at all, and the socializing I do is generally through facebook. Even when I do end up in social situations, I generally sit off in a corner and twiddle my thumbs while everyone else socializes. Don't even talk to me about dating. I generally find the idea of being harshly judged on everything I am and hope to be about analogous being viciously beaten with a Saguaro cactus then covered with lemon juice and salt. :)

4) I'm an engineer. (As if you couldn't have figured that out already. :P ) I find the concepts of ultimate stress and supercritical flow more appealing (and probably more arousing) than most any other activity in which I could partake. I will undoubtedly end up spending more money on my calculator than my wedding ring if by the grace of the Almightly God I end up married. (See 1 and 3 above. :)

5) I spend more time in front of my Wii than anywhere else with the possible exceptions of the Step Down Lounge and the CAEDM Lab. Before the wondrous invention of the contraption know as the Wii, I found the idea of using my thumbs to play baseball, golf, and go street racing utterly absurd. But with this new device I found that video games were actually intuitive! *gasp* It opened up a whole new world to me from the @$$-groove of my couch. Now I don't even need to leave my living room to enjoy all the world has to offer. :)

6) I have no taste in food or music. Right now I'm consuming a Hot Pocket while listening to Toby Keith and Weird Al. People ask me, "What's your favorite food?" When I respond, "Domino's" people tend to give me a sideways glance as if to say: "You ephing hillbilly, get back in your trailer and watch some NASCAR!" XD :)

7) I can tell you exactly what I'll be wearing, months in advance. June-August: T-shirt, jeans, and about half & half flip flops vs. skate shoes. Sept-Nov: Same thing, but guaranteed skate shoes and a hoodie on cold days. Dec-March: Same as Sept-Nov, but guaranteed hoodie. April-May: Same as Jun-Aug, but guaranteed skate shoes. And on every Sunday: Dress clothes... white shirt and tie, suit pants, and no coat. Dang, I'm even getting bored writing all that. :)

8) I get some sort of sick thrill from planning ahead. The day that BYU introduced "MyMap," the webpage that allows students to plan out which classes they want to take and when, I was up until 4 am working out my future schedules in painstaking detail. Also, after the class schedule comes out for a semester, I have my weekly schedule worked out and memorized within an hour. :)

9) I'm too nice of a guy. My mom always taught me to treat people (esp. women) with all possible respect and dignity. What a load of crap. You get more response out of people when you treat them like crap. They'll either respect you for it, or never speak to you again... which is probably a win on your part. :)

10) I've never really had any desire to impress people. As my dad always said, "If you don't like it, you can kiss my @$$!" When people come over to my apartment, I have a tendency to say, "Welcome to my $h*7hole, find a place to sit down... if you can!" XD. People tend to find nothing more interesting than the topic of themselves; and I just don't give a rat's fuzzy, little derriere. :)

Well, that's pretty much what I've got. I think that you'll agree that I'm about the least interesting man in the world. And PS-If you ever hear about any sort of least interesting man competition, let me know, and/or drop my name. ;)

The Source of the Title

I'm sure that there are some out there who might be wondering about the source of the title of this blog... Though it's probably pretty obvious when I mention the word, "Engineering," but I think it deserves a little additional explanation.

Yes, at this point I am an engineering student. In BYU's college of engineering and technology, there is a healthy 85% male population. These can range anywhere from the meat-headed construction management major to the epically white and nerdy electrical and computer engineers. Yet, all of these majors have one thing in common; they are all epic dudefests. This current term I am taking two engineering classes, geometric design of highways, and hydraulic engineering. Between the two of them there are two persons of the female variety, one of which is married... not a lotta options, if you know what I mean.

Yet, I also think it goes a little deeper than that. I don't know if it is at all warranted, but sometimes I think it must just be me. Case and point: last year I was FHE "father"/coordinator for both fall and winter in the BYU 67th ward. During the fall semester I was blessed to have three dudes apartments along with two womens' apartments. Honestly, I kind of expected it to be a dudefest at that point, and it wasn't a big deal. Then winter semester came around and the tables were turned... there ended up being about 6 dudes and 10 women in my FHE family; good odds from all outward appearances. Yet, the ratios still managed to remain about the same. Pretty much all 6 dudes showed up and about 3 or 4 women... it was disappointing. These "families" consisted of almost entirely different people. The only common denominators were me and one of my roommates from the previous semester. I mean, he had some pretty wicked gas every once in a while, but he generally kept it under control while at FHE. So, there was really just one option left... it must be me.

I haven't even had any career aspirations/considerations/back-up plans/dilusions that haven't been epic dudefests. Let's review them:

Geologist/Paleontologist-Dudefest
Mechanical Engineer-Epic Dudefest
Civil Engineer-Dudefest
Lawyer-Dudefest, and you go straight to hell upon death, which is another dudefest
Stand-up Comedian-It's about 65:35, but most of the women are lesbians... Dudefest
Carpenter-Dudefest... also Fiesta (Mexicanfest)
Truck Driver-The only women are the one's that get picked up and never seen again... Dudefest

I've highlighted Civil Engineering, because that's what I'm actually going into. I guess at this point, I must come to the conclusion that it's either just me, or the world is actually 85% men and there's a conspiracy by the Catholic Church and NAMBLA to cover it up. XD