Just in Case You Had Any Doubt that I'm a Nerd

So, I was looking through my blag posts, both new and old, and I realized that I have not yet on this blag really mentioned my life's passion and the field where most of my greatest talents lie. Though over the last two years, a bachelor's degree in civil engineering has been reduced to the likes of a BA in English or a BS in Psychology, this field is truly where I belong.

I'd like to take a moment to explain that I'm comparing a BS in Civil Engineering to the aforementioned degrees because one who completes any of them has zero chance of finding a job other than bagging groceries in the years 2010/2011... much like any other bachelor's degree. According to BYU's undergraduate catalog, a BA in English takes 48-65 credit hours (depending on your foreign language experience) and a BS in Psych takes 52-53. For those of you who are saying, "And your point is?" a bachelor's in civil engineering takes 95-96 hours which include courses in chemistry, physics, single and multivariable calculus, mechanics of materials, structural analysis, fluid mechanics, and if you're really ambitious, something called "Continuum Mechanics and Finite Element Analysis." It's not exactly literary criticism that we're dealing with. Over the last 200 years, there have only really been 2 in which it was difficult to find a job with a BS in Civil Engineering, and those were 2009 and 2010.

Anywho, I have wanted to be a civil engineer since I was in the 8th grade. Before that, I had ambitions of being a Paleontologist, a Marine Biologist, and a Mechanical Engineer. The turning point came when my 8th grade shop class held a balsa wood bridge building contest. The assignment was given before the winter break and the bridges were to be broken about a week after the break. Being the nerd that I am, I spent almost the entirety of that winter break sketching out the truss structure for my balsa wood bridge, including miter joints and angles and then carefully constructing my bridge. (Through 4 years of college, I've realized that my design was far from being very efficient, but it worked out fairly well.) The method that was used to break them was barbaric, but neither I, nor anyone else in the class new any better. Mr. Moore took a pair of wooden blocks, put them 8 inches apart, put a coffee can on top of the bridge, and put 45-lb weight plates on top of the coffee can. Though my bridge made some cracking noises early on, it managed to hold 962x its own weight, which wasn't the best design, but it was up there. After that experience, I decided that designing infrastructure was something for I had a passion and something that I would want to do for the rest of my life.

Throughout my time studying civil engineering in college, I found that I enjoyed learning about most, though not all, of the sub-specialties of civil engineering and most of the principles that went therewith. I think I was the only person in the history of CEEn 203, Mechanics of Materials who not only understood Castigliano's theorem the first time, but also kind of enjoyed it. I can say that I enjoyed learning the concepts in just about all of my classes that were labeled "CEEn." There are some notable exceptions. CEEn 270 involved coding. I'm not only incredibly bad at coding, I hate the very thought of it. As far as I'm concerned, you cut a check and you get software by email or on a CD by snail mail. I was thinking about going into transportation engineering when I realized that transportation engineers are just a mask for corrupt and incompetent government officials to do whatever they want anyway. While this is true in some cases anywhere in civil engineering, it's true in almost every case that I've found for transportation engineering. I can totally get into designing an intersection for maximum efficiency. However, designing an intersection so that people have to wait extra long at the light in front of the Target that a city councilman's brother owns is not my bag... if you get my drift. When I went into my class in environmental engineering, I secretly dared the course to prove to me that this sub-specialty wasn't just a bunch of leftist hippies with good math skills. Sadly after the encounters with deep ecology and conversion factors in the back of the book like, "1 lite year = 365 days drinking low-calorie beer," and "2 kilo-mockingbird = 2000 mockingbirds," I couldn't possibly take the field seriously. However, there are still the fields of structural, hydraulic, and geotechnical engineering along with a couple others that captivate my interest.

Since I have little to no chance of finding a job in civil engineering over the next couple of years with only a bachelor's degree, I have decided to pursue a master's degree (as if you haven't heard about that on this blag.) In civil engineering, a master's degree usually involves an area of deeper specialization in a sub-specialty like structural or water resources engineering. At this point, I've decided that I want to study geotechnical engineering, mostly because I could justify taking a couple of courses in other sub-specialties, since geotechnical engineering is so broad. For those who aren't familiar with the concept of geotechnical engineering, it is literally the engineering of dirt, and includes topics like soil mechanics, foundation design, groundwater flow, etc. As fiancée #2 pointed out, this does indeed sound like about the nerdiest thing that you could possibly think of. And yes, I realized this when I took Elementary Soil Mechanics with Dr. Gerber at BYU.

On that note, I recently bought a foundation engineering textbook to read to keep my neurons from withering away and dying while I'm hopelessly un(der)employed. I just started reading it, and again I'm taken back to that day when I designed my first structure in 8th grade shop class. Not only am I now thinking about structures and how the individual members interact with each other, but also how the entire structure interacts with the soil, and the potential problems that can be faced when a foundation is not properly designed.

The reason why I'm writing this blag post is because it has been reaffirmed again to me today that civil engineering is really what I love and that if the construction industry ever rebounds and I can find in job in this field that I will scarcely have to work a day in my life. I've known people who have gone through multiple years of college and still not really known what they want to do. I made it through an engineering program in 4 years at least partially because I figured out what I wanted to do for a living in the 8th grade and have hardly had any doubts since. In the words of one dubious BYU Econ professor, "Self, great day." :D

A Faire

I really don't like to set new year's resolutions. I don't know that there's any particular reason why, I just don't. Though I don't particularly like resolutions, 2010 sucked and there are a few things that I'd like to accomplish in 2011. I won't call these resolutions, since many of them are partially or completely out of my control. I think I'll just call them my goals and hopes for 2011:

• At long last, choose a graduate school. (Purdue and UCLA are already out, btw.)
• Start grad school (or get a job, which is drastically less likely.)
• Move out of my parents' house (again). Like I tell my dad, "Dad, no one wants me out of your house more than me."
• Get an internship. After I choose a grad program and adjust my résumé accordingly, I hope to expand that résumé with some internship experience.
• Get a car. If my mom gets some cash from her deceased father anytime soon, I might just have a brand new car fall into my lap (figuratively speaking). If not, I'm going to get an older, crappier one. I've had a driver's license for 6 years, and an adult not having a car anywhere west of Jersey is bullsh*t.
• Turn 23. I'm a big fan of Milan Hejduk of the Colorado Avalanche, who wears number 23. Also, ever since I was exposed to fiancée #2's strange fixation with even numbers, I've developed a strange fixation with odd numbers, especially 3's and 7's.
• Figure out a really good and relevant Halloween costume by the time October rolls around.
• See at least 6 football games. In 2010, I only saw one football game in person. It was a good game and I got to chill with some friends, but I just need more football in my life.
• See at least one BYU football game. If I go to Oregon State for grad school, this will be easy, since BYU comes to Corvallis in September, otherwise I'll have to make a trip to Provo, probably for either the Idaho or Idaho State game, but I'll see how my schedule looks in 10 or 11 months.
• Get a new cell phone. I feel pretty confident that my phone isn't going to make it through 2011. The other day, the hinge popped open and the top half separated from the bottom. I was able to fit them back together, but it's pretty clearly broken.

I think that pretty much wraps it up. If I could accomplish the first four or five things on the list, I would consider 2011 a very successful year. Let me just say that if this year is as bad as last year, I'm going to start organizing a French Revolution-style coup d'état to overthrow the reign of the nouveau American bourgeoisie. :P

Lower Bound

I've been thinking recently about This Post that I made over a year ago concerning the number of women worldwide with whom I'd be mutually compatible. After I thought about it, I realized that the number I came up with (66) was a very conservative estimate and practically represents a theoretical upper bound to the actual number of women with whom I could have a relationship. I am now revisiting this topic to make less conservative estimate so that I can find a value closer to the lower bound.

In the same format as before:

Membership of the LDS Church (as of Dec. 31st 2008): 13,508,509
Using the same number as before for comparability.

...who are active: 7,429,680
Instead of the way-conservative 76% activity rate, I used a much more pessimistic value of 55%.

...who are female: 3,714,840
Yeah, the world is still pretty much half women.

...who live in developed nations (and speak English): 1,300, 194
Say only 35% of LDS women live in developed nations and speak fluent English.

...who are in the proper age range: 130,020
Saying a seven-year age range represents 10% of the populace probably represents an approximate lower bound.

...who are "beautiful" in my opinion. 2,965
Saying that women must be 2 standard deviations above average in the characteristics that I'm looking for isn't even that big of a stretch.

...and intelligent: 68
I maintain that an IQ of 120 isn't that much to ask when mine is in the range of 145.

...who aren't already married: 21
Are 70% of Mormon women 18-25 married? Probably not. This represents one of my less reasonable assumptions from the first time around.

...who are interested in me: 4
I think 1 standard deviation below average is about right.

If I carry all of my digits instead of universally rounding up, it comes out to 3.22, since those tenths and hundredths start to be significant when you're talking about single digits.

Were you surprised it didn't hit zero? Because I was, the way it was looking there for a second.

130,020/4 = 32,505 weeks, which is about 625 years at one date per month.

The once every six months trend has remained pretty steady, so at that rate, it would be more like 16,252 years.

Just remember: The optimist sees the glass as half full. The pessimist sees it as half empty. The engineer sees a safety factor of 2.

Storytime

As some may know and others are about to find out, my maternal grandfather, Orville Weldon Schaffer, Jr. died just a few weeks ago, and I went to Houston for his funeral. In a strange twist of events, he died on Thanksgiving day, just like his first wife, my grandmother, but that's not why I'm writing this post. I'm writing this post to tell you probably the most important lesson(s) my grandfather taught me about the gospel.

My grandfather was not a religious man, nor was he a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or other any church. He was an atheist before being an atheist was cool. However, through the latter years of his life and in his death, he was able to teach me how the Lord preserves and provides for his children and those who diligently serve him.

For those of you who know me well, you know that my mother managed to spend 135% of my college fund by the time I was ready to start college. Without an outside source of cash, I would have found a job in construction (or at Target) in 2006 when I graduated from high school. Luckily, my grandfather, Orville, was a depression-era child and spent most of his life working multiple jobs at a time as a machinist, surveyor, and wastewater treatment specialist. Over the years, he had spent as little of his money as possible and saved everything that he could. By the time I was ready to start college in 2006, he had amassed multiple hundreds of thousands of dollars merely by working and saving. My mother called my grandfather months before I was ready to start college and asked (more like demanded) that he help out with cash. In total he gave me $8000-$9000 a year for all four years that I was in college, coming out to about $34,000 total. I am genuinely grateful that my grandfather was able to come through and help me to such a large sum. I really couldn't have done it without him.

Now this is where the story really begins. My grandfather was born in February of 1925, making him 81 years old when I started college. Just for reference, the current life expectancy at birth for males in the US is 75.6 years old. My grandfather had already exceeded this by over 5 years when I graduated from high school. By the time I graduated from college, he was closer to ten years above average. After he made his final contribution to my college fund, in August of 2009, his health began to deteriorate. Around that time, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer that shortly afterward metastasized and spread throughout his entire body. He began losing weight rapidly and was largely unable to stand or walk. He refused to take treatment figuring that his time had come and that he was ready to pass on. Finally, on Thanksgiving day, November 25th 2010, around noon, he did just that.

There are a few lessons that I take away from this story. One of these is that the Lord will bless the righteous with blessings that they cannot even comprehend if they do his will and seek those things which are according to his will. In this case, I thoroughly believe that the Lord preserved my grandfather almost entirely for my own blessing. My grandfather was in almost pristine health (considering that he was in his 80s) as long as he was contributing to the righteous endeavors of his grandson. My grandfather was never the most righteous of men. He was incredibly honorable like I mentioned earlier in his work and in his military service, when he served in the US Navy during World War II. However, he never brought his life completely into accord with the principles of the restored gospel, and could hardly be called righteous in many aspects. Despite his lack of righteousness, he was preserved and prospered for a wise purpose in aiding his grandson in his righteous goals.

Another lesson that I learned is that, while the trials we endure now may not make sense, they probably will in the long term. At age 19, I was very disappointed that I was not able to serve a mission for medical reasons. However, if I had gone and my grandfather had died in 2010, I most likely would have been hopelessly unable to finish my bachelor's degree anytime soon. While I still would have loved to have gone, I can understand, at least in part why the Lord did not send me. Like my grandfather, the Lord had, and still has, a wise purpose for me.

The final lesson that I learned is that the Lord is merciful, even to those who do not believe him. Though my grandfather was on the verge of death, and was no longer being fully preserved by the Lord, he was still able to see and comprehend the day that I graduated from college. And while he didn't show it much, it was clear that he appreciated seeing the fruits of his contributions in the life of his grandson.

I know that the Lord Jesus Christ lives and that the restored gospel is the way back to him in the next life. It is stories like this that help me to know that this is true and that I am doing what is right. I may not understand all that the Lord has in store for me, but things like this help to see a little more clearly.

Thanks Grandpa.

Oh, and btw...

...I have, more or less, finished submitting my applications for graduate school next fall. I ended up applying to 7 schools, most of which I've mentioned before. Up to the beginning of the application process, these were pretty much the only schools that hadn't given me some reason not to go there. Any school that was ranked below BYU (#73) in US News and World Report's grad school rankings was pretty much automatically out, because the only reason that I would not go back to BYU is to go to a more prestigious school. Many of the other schools were in places that I no desire to live. Others didn't have very much emphasis on the areas of civil engineering in which I'd like to concentrate, ie. geotechnical and/or structural. Others didn't give full tuition waivers for those with graduate assistantships, which would be the whole reason that I'm even bothering to apply to grad school at this time, since I clearly can't afford it otherwise.

At the onset of the application process, there were 2 of the schools to which I applied whose application process made me really, really not want to go there. These shall be at the bottom of my list for the time being. Now, in order of excitement about the possibility of going there, the schools to which I applied:

1. Virginia Tech - A quality school for any sort of engineering discipline. The only thing that I dislike about the school is that there are 4 NASCAR tracks that are closer than the nearest LDS temple. The tracks at Bristol, TN; Martinsville, VA; Charlotte, NC; and Richmond, VA are all closer than the Raleigh, NC temple, which is the closest to the campus. Additionally, there is no singles' ward in Blacksburg, all the singles just get thrown in with the family ward... not that there are that many singles to begin with. The only thing that I didn't like about the application process was that all documents had to be in Word 2003 format, though that was only a minor inconvenience. And as a bonus, the graduate school was efficient enough that I have already received an acceptance letter; if there was an assistantship offer with it, I might be packing my bags for Blacksburg right now.
   
2. Oregon State - While this one is a little farther down in the ranking of civil engineering grad schools, there is very little that I dislike about the school and its application process. The only thing that I even remotely dislike about the school so far is that their mascot is the beaver. This is not only rather emasculate, but is rather suggestive as well. The application process went about a perfectly as it could go, and my application to Oregon State was the first one that I knew for sure was completed.
3. Purdue - This is the highest-ranked school to which I applied, and it probably has the most prolific civil engineering research program, though most of it is focused on structural. The only problem with Purdue is that, the more I think about Indiana, the less I want to live there. I mean seriously, the only reason that I would even want to visit Indiana is the off-chance of meeting Austin Collie again. The prospect of living there for a year and a half to two is a little discouraging. However, the application process did go pretty much without a hitch... as far as I know.
4. CU Boulder - After moving back in with my parents in August, I'm not sure I ever want to live within 500 miles of them again, if I can help it. Not only is CU only 20 miles from my house, but it's in the People's Republic of Boulder, the land of fruits and nuts. While CU does have some nice research facilities and it would be cool to be close by my Denver-area friends, I'm not sure if the Pros could possibly outweigh the Cons. The application process to CU was pretty straightforward, though there is no way to check the status of your application materials or make any changes once you've submitted it. It's just a spray-n-pray kind of deal, submit your part of the application and then hope they get the rest. Also, since I scheduled a campus visit, they seem to be convinced that I'm a prospective undergrad even though I clearly filled out the graduate application.
5. BYU - I love BYU. I love most everything about it. However, I would like to expand my horizons (and my networking contact list) by attending a different university for grad school. I talked to Dr. Rollins about doing graduate research at BYU after the '11-'12 school year, though nothing is for sure at this point. The grad application to BYU seemed to be easier than the undergrad app, though the ecclesiastical endorsement is still as big of a pain as it ever was.
6. UCLA - This was actually a recent addition to my list of grad schools. Deciding that I wanted to do my grad research in earthquake engineering made the primary public school in LA a very viable option; and anyone who hates the University of Spoiled Children as much as they do is alright with me. However, the application process has me rather disenchanted at this point. First of all, the application is due on December 15th ( which is kind of obscenely early). Next, the school requires that all letters of recommendation have to be hand-signed by their authors. This would have been all well and good if they had told me this BEFORE three of my recommenders submitted recommendations. However, they did not, those writing me letters submitted them unsigned, and I got an email from UCLA telling me that my recommenders had not signed their letters of recommendation. Finally, Dr. Hotchkiss seems to be totally unable to submit my letter of rec even though he signed it. The application has just been a huge pain.
7. Washington - While Washington would be an all-around great place to live, go to school, and do research, the application was a total nightmare. The worst of it was that I had to upload unofficial copies of my transcripts in .pdf format. First of all, I have transcripts at 3 schools, 2 of which don't even give out unofficial transcripts. The UW application would literally not let me submit my application until I had uploaded something for unofficial transcripts for all three schools. I just ended up uploading the same unofficial transcripts from BYU that give acknowledgment of my transfer credit three times. If that's not sufficient for them, they can kiss me @$$. Adding to this craptacity is that the files had to be in .pdf format. I don't know about you, but my computer doesn't have to be a pdf writer, which makes this huge thing an even bigger pain. I ended up just using an online MS Word to pdf converter that only lets you make one conversion every 30 minutes... unless you subscribe to their services and pay them money. And as I already mentioned, I submitted that pdf file to them 3 times. The real kicker is that they didn't even ask for an official copy of my transcripts, and when I called them to ask where to send my official transcripts, they were totally unhelpful. Dear UW, [Beep] you and your incredibly tedious graduate application... and btw, I will not be bowing down to Washington, because your football team sucks.

And there you have it. I can only assume that once I decide which grad school to attend and get an assistantship straightened out, some job to which I applied 8 months before will call and want to hire me. That's just how my life goes.

Just so no one is confused, the assistantship and financial package that I get from these schools will be the deciding factor in where I go. I may very well end up going to UCLA or Washington if they sweeten the pot enough. In the words of P. Diddy, "It's all about the Benjamins."

The Good, The Bad, and The Ute Fans

Over the 3 or so years that I was a student at BYU, I have developed a fiery, burning hatred for the University of Utah as an organization and most of those who voluntarily affiliate themselves therewith. I have even quoted Max Hall many a time in saying, "I hate Utah. I hate everything about them." While I will openly mock all those who attend the University of Utah, there is only really one group who I truly loathe with a passion. I really can't fault most of the students, faculty, football team, or alumni, since they have a valid reason to affiliate themselves with the University of Utah. The people who I absolutely cannot stand are the ones who have no valid reason to affiliate with the spU, but do so because they have found some fault with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

The LDS church owns and operates BYU and is the very core of its educational system. The student body consists of around 98% LDS students and there is a very permeating LDS culture that is associated therewith. There are many people in Utah and abroad that affiliate themselves with the University of Utah, in contrast to BYU, as a form of rebellion against the church, it's leadership, and it's membership. In all honesty, these are some of the most despicable people that I have met in my life so far. They are, generally, people who have very little direction in life, drink copious amounts of alcohol, and have few, if any, sexual hangups. These are precisely the people who spit on and threw beer at Max Hall's family and displayed a blowup doll labeled, "Max Hall's Mom" during the 2008 BYU-Utah football game in Salt Lake. While I'm sure that there are good people who attend and affiliate with the University of Utah for whatever reason, there is also a population who can only be called scum, living a riotous and immoral lifestyle who do the same. These people are the reason that I hate Utah and can hardly stand to step foot on their campus. These are those to whom I refer simply as, "Ute Fans."

I'm not sure that I can totally say how these sort of people become how they are, with such a hatred for the LDS church and all that it stands for. I'm sure that many of them grew up in the church, but never really appreciated the doctrines of the gospel, and grew to despise the counsels given to them by church leaders. Some of these may have also been offended at one particular doctrine or counsel and voluntarily disaffiliated themselves with the church or were excommunicated long ago. I would also speculate that some are not and have never been members of the church, but have a keen distaste for the "theocratic" and "authoritarian" way that the church operates, which permeates in Utah and Mormon culture. Any of these and others could and often do affiliate with the University of Utah merely because they have found fault with the church.

Considering the state of the world, I cannot possibly see this situation being remedied anytime soon. The doctrines of the church and the ideals of the world are rapidly diverging. As Nephi said, there will be many who rage against the church at the last day (See 2 Nephi 28:20). I can only see those who love to be part of the world becoming more angry and those who affiliate with Utah because they dislike the church to grow in number.

And to those who like to say that the prophet went to University of Utah, I have one thing to say to you: So did Ted Bundy. Don't believe me? See for yourself.

Go Cougars.

Comparison Shopping

Disclaimer: This post is a joke, and if you take it seriously, you're stupid.

Recently, I've realized that dating women is a lot like gambling at casinos. Not having much experience with either women or gambling, I came up with some characteristics of both. Let's examine the evidence, in both scenarios:

• You can't win if you don't play.
• You're more likely to get struck by lightening 35 times than you are to win the jackpot.
• They'll dump you shortly after you run out of money.
• If you lose too big, too often, they'll take your house.
• Your odds of getting arrested skyrocket.
• They seem like a better idea when you're inebriated.
• They're pure consumption. Every dollar that you devote to them is gone forever, and you'll never see it again.
• Along the same lines, you'll never be richer than the day before you started playing.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that women should be illegal in every state except Nevada... ironically where prostitution is legal in some areas. XD