So, after my recently completed EPIC roadtrip to Snowflake, AZ, there are a couple of issues which have been brought to the forefront of my mind. There were plenty of flippin' awesome adventures which will be shared in the near, future, but I'm going to need some time to organize these thoughts. However, there are others which have come conviently preorganized for entrance into this blag.
At one point during this epic roadtrip, I had a discussion with one of the friends with whom I went concerning what our plans were for the future. She listed a series of plans A-D which involved reasonable and worthy goals for a latter-day saint in her age bracket. It then became my turn to share my plans for the future. Herein I shall list, in as close to exact wording as possible, what I related to her.
Before I get into my list of life plans, I find it necessary to first list a few baseline assumptions which are pivotal to the context of my life plans.
1. The only definite unkown in my future which would require planning would be if, when, and with whom I would marry.
2. My lack of personality and/or spiritual prowess would prevent most any worthy latter-day saint woman from wanting to marry me based solely on who I am.
3. LDS women base their marriage decision, in large part, on their observances of a potential mate's relationship with his mother.
4. The fact that my mother is a narcissistic sociopath with whom I have a minimalistic relationship would deter any remaining women who found what little personality I posses attractive.
Alright, now onto the plans...
Plan A: Obtain Cars and Money--I find that when I'm feeling relatively down or depressed about my life situation, Good Charlotte's song, "Girls and Boys," is particularly comforting. Inasmuch as all human beings are shallow on some level, the ability to obtain material possessions will attract potential spouses. The drawback is that I might have the privilege of finding out first hand that an IQ score can actually come back negative.
Plan B: Obtain Bachelor Pad--Recently, one of my roommates suggested that he would like to invest in a bachelor pad after he graduates. As long as their is never a cat in this place, I wouldn't mind joining him.
Plan C: Obtain Sugar Momma--I've always supposed that I would make some woman a good second husband. Finding a woman who's already loaded with her ex-husband's money would take the pressure off of me, and maybe even allow me to live a little.
Plan D: Obtain Tall Bridge--You might be asking, "Why does he need to obtain the tall bridge when he could just find one?" Well the answer to that is simple. The first three plans involved obtaining something or another, so I decided to continue the streak. And heck... I could just charge it on a credit card... will I have to pay for it in the end? I submit that I will not! ;)
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Top 10 --> Utes
The top 10 reasons to NOT attend the University of Utah:
10. The difference between their mascot Swoop and Foghorn Leghorn is very subtle to the untrained eye.
10. The difference between their mascot Swoop and Foghorn Leghorn is very subtle to the untrained eye.
Swoop
Foghorn Leghorn
9. They're the Spyewts.
8. Brigham Young founded the University of Deseret, not the University of Utah.
7. The next big earthquake in Utah will most likely have its epicenter near the U of U. Probably on account of all the unrighteousness.
6. No matter how many times you bust the BCS, it will never add up to a national championship.
5. The prophet lives in Salt Lake?... Oh, just like Daniel lived in Babylon, right?
4. The U of U chemistry department claimed to have invented perpetual motion a few years back... their recipe was later revealed to be one for beer.
3. Red is the least powerful color in the visible spectrum, while blue is among the most powerful. Thus there is, by default, little light at the U.
2. The blood in my veins only turns red when it is corrupted by the filth of the world.
1. The girls like boys and the boys do too!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Ring Check?!... Who Does That?!
For those who have lived in Provo for more than about 10 minutes as a YSA, you are quite familiar with the concept of the ring check. For those who are somewhat less enlightened on the concept, I'll expound. The ring check is the process of making (hopefully) subtle glances at a member of the opposite gender's left ring finger in order to ascertain if he/she is married. The concept has many applications, both with those with whom you're having an in-depth conversation, or just with those who have caught your eye in passing.
My intent with this post is not to spend 1200 words expounding on the concept of the ring check, but it is to establish that I have, at least for myself, found a more effective and efficient way of doing things. This method has been so simple and so blatant in front of my eyes that I can hardly believe that I haven't thought of it before. Perhaps, I have, just not in so clear of terms. But anywho, I've found that almost any woman with whom I can feel comfortable having a sustained conversation is almost certainly already married. I shall now present for you some of the evidence I've accrued in 3 exhibits.
Exhibit A: Kerry Hill--For those not privy to the workings of BYU's Civil Engineering department office, Kerry is the "Secretary Specialist," or essentially the head secretary in the office. Over the course of the year and a half or so that she has held this position, I've been privileged to discuss several matters of both academics and employment with her and have never felt uncomfortable around her for a second. Both the tone of her voice and her facial expression is enough to bring comfort to pretty much anyone who comes into the CE office to see her. And yes, I could see the ring on her left ring finger from the 17th row on the first day of semen-ar that she was there...And no, I just don't think it would be the same if she wasn't married.
Exhibit B: Andra Staley--Let me start off this portion by say that I knew Andra when her last name was Pathakis. When she was single (for the most part) there was virtually no communication between us, and any that there was was painfully awkward. When she became Andra Staley, I found it much easier to communicate with her in virtually ever situation. And heck, she even says 'hi' to me in the hall when we pass each other. :P
Exhibit C: Random woman in my religion class--It was just today in my religion class, I accidentally bumped into a woman as we were trying to find our seats. She turned and apologized to me for her portion of the mishap and we just about struck up an in-depth conversation about such mishaps. I thought to myself, "Wow, I can't remember a time when I've been so comfortable talking to a woman... There must be a catch... Ring check! Affirmative, we've got left-hand bling CAP'N!"
At this point in the entry, I would think it would be appropriate to present some exhibits of single women with whom I've not felt comfortable communicating, but in all honesty, there are just no stand-outs in that category. In all my encounters with single women, they've all pretty much been universally and uniformly uncomfortable. I've pretty much got nothing.
It would also be entirely appropriate at this point to ask, "Well William, why is it so?" On the surface, this is pretty simple: women who are married are willing to meet me halfway in social situations. Married women will often show tone and body language that insinuates that they actually want to be a part of a conversation, might just be willing to start a conversation *gasp*. Conversely, single women seem to act like they couldn't care less about the situation and would just really rather not be bothered. I would be the last person on Earth who would want to try to prognosticate what's in a single woman's head at any given point of time, but regardless of what that might be, I'm getting signals that she just doesn't give a flying eph.
I think that there are 2 primary reasons for the occurence of this phenomenon. There are certainly other, small factors which contribute, but for the most part, I think it's mostly these 2. First of all, married women are just more comfortable around men in general and have established better communication patterns. What better way is there to get to know someone than to spend almost every waking hour of the day and night with them? Women who are married spend a huge proportion of their time with at least one man, and thus have a better understanding of how men in general function. Secondly, there is mutual acknowledgement that there will be no more forming of marital relationships in this woman's life. With this pressure lifted off of her shoulders, a woman is somewhat free to remove the proverbial 'masks' which she wears while courting relationships could still exist.
In all honesty, is such a concept going to substitute for the ever-present ring check? I most definitely suppose that it will not. As long as wedding rings are exchanged in marriage, there will be ring checks. But is this information therefore entirely useless to me? I submit that understanding how we communicate with people is one of the more significant barriers to communication between individuals, and with an understanding such as this, communication with both married and unmarried members of the opposite gender only stand to be improved.
My intent with this post is not to spend 1200 words expounding on the concept of the ring check, but it is to establish that I have, at least for myself, found a more effective and efficient way of doing things. This method has been so simple and so blatant in front of my eyes that I can hardly believe that I haven't thought of it before. Perhaps, I have, just not in so clear of terms. But anywho, I've found that almost any woman with whom I can feel comfortable having a sustained conversation is almost certainly already married. I shall now present for you some of the evidence I've accrued in 3 exhibits.
Exhibit A: Kerry Hill--For those not privy to the workings of BYU's Civil Engineering department office, Kerry is the "Secretary Specialist," or essentially the head secretary in the office. Over the course of the year and a half or so that she has held this position, I've been privileged to discuss several matters of both academics and employment with her and have never felt uncomfortable around her for a second. Both the tone of her voice and her facial expression is enough to bring comfort to pretty much anyone who comes into the CE office to see her. And yes, I could see the ring on her left ring finger from the 17th row on the first day of semen-ar that she was there...And no, I just don't think it would be the same if she wasn't married.
Exhibit B: Andra Staley--Let me start off this portion by say that I knew Andra when her last name was Pathakis. When she was single (for the most part) there was virtually no communication between us, and any that there was was painfully awkward. When she became Andra Staley, I found it much easier to communicate with her in virtually ever situation. And heck, she even says 'hi' to me in the hall when we pass each other. :P
Exhibit C: Random woman in my religion class--It was just today in my religion class, I accidentally bumped into a woman as we were trying to find our seats. She turned and apologized to me for her portion of the mishap and we just about struck up an in-depth conversation about such mishaps. I thought to myself, "Wow, I can't remember a time when I've been so comfortable talking to a woman... There must be a catch... Ring check! Affirmative, we've got left-hand bling CAP'N!"
At this point in the entry, I would think it would be appropriate to present some exhibits of single women with whom I've not felt comfortable communicating, but in all honesty, there are just no stand-outs in that category. In all my encounters with single women, they've all pretty much been universally and uniformly uncomfortable. I've pretty much got nothing.
It would also be entirely appropriate at this point to ask, "Well William, why is it so?" On the surface, this is pretty simple: women who are married are willing to meet me halfway in social situations. Married women will often show tone and body language that insinuates that they actually want to be a part of a conversation, might just be willing to start a conversation *gasp*. Conversely, single women seem to act like they couldn't care less about the situation and would just really rather not be bothered. I would be the last person on Earth who would want to try to prognosticate what's in a single woman's head at any given point of time, but regardless of what that might be, I'm getting signals that she just doesn't give a flying eph.
I think that there are 2 primary reasons for the occurence of this phenomenon. There are certainly other, small factors which contribute, but for the most part, I think it's mostly these 2. First of all, married women are just more comfortable around men in general and have established better communication patterns. What better way is there to get to know someone than to spend almost every waking hour of the day and night with them? Women who are married spend a huge proportion of their time with at least one man, and thus have a better understanding of how men in general function. Secondly, there is mutual acknowledgement that there will be no more forming of marital relationships in this woman's life. With this pressure lifted off of her shoulders, a woman is somewhat free to remove the proverbial 'masks' which she wears while courting relationships could still exist.
In all honesty, is such a concept going to substitute for the ever-present ring check? I most definitely suppose that it will not. As long as wedding rings are exchanged in marriage, there will be ring checks. But is this information therefore entirely useless to me? I submit that understanding how we communicate with people is one of the more significant barriers to communication between individuals, and with an understanding such as this, communication with both married and unmarried members of the opposite gender only stand to be improved.
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