Boo Downward Shift in Aggregate Demand, Hooray Beer!

So, just in case you've been living in Outer Kreplachistan, Haiti, or the abysmal depths of the Congo for the last year or so, the United States and most of the developed world have been going through a big-A recession. Whatever you believe the cause of this recession may be, I would like to submit right now that the wallets of everyone not named Barack H. Obama are pretty tightly sealed. It's actually China that really providing the capital, but that's tertiary. My point is that trying to find any source of cash, whether it's a g-o-b, or just selling off your Earthly possessions is a bit rough. In my case, I picked a really bad time to graduate from college and actually try to find a job.

Over the course of the past few weeks, I've been trying to come up with something of a Plan B that would actually be feasible in case I don't find a job by August. Previously, the only real alternatives that I could come up with were going to graduate school right after I finish my undergraduate degree or being drastically underemployed for some period of time until I could find a real job. Long story short; both of these options suck. Practically all of the grad school application deadlines for fall semester have evaporated and I don't have the cash to wait until January and starting on a Winter/Spring semester. Not to mention that I wouldn't have any cash for school and my course sequencing would be shot. Furthermore, I shouldn't need to mention that I really don't want to work at Dick's Sporting Goods while I wait for the economy to recover.

A few days ago I thought of a new option that I hadn't particularly considered before but seems to be more and more viable with each employment rejection email that I get. Since, at this point, I could literally withdraw from all of my summer classes and still get a bachelor's degree, I am now contemplating completing officer training/candidate school (OTS) and going into the military as a engineer officer. As I previously mentioned, this is still a Plan B. If I can find a civil engineering job in the private sector that I actually want, I'll almost undoubtedly take that over going in the military. However, I turned in 6 job applications this last Saturday and got 4 rejection emails by Monday afternoon. As the title of this post implies, there's just nothing out there. That being said, there is a definite question of which branch of the military I would want to go into if it came down to that. Since the Marines doesn't have engineers, I can't swim very well, and Navy engineers are called "Seabees," (literally, I'm not making this up, see Wikipedia) it pretty much comes down to the Army or the Air Force. A Pro-Con analysis follows:

Army:

PRO:

• I would get experience with two of the things I'm most passionate about relative to engineering: bridges and blowing stuff up.
• The Army generally has more openings and therefore easier placement for an engineer officer MOS.
• Connections in the Army Corps of Engineers definitely wouldn't hurt my career aspirations after I got out.
• I like the Army's uniforms.
• The pay for a second lieutenant with less than two years in is about 10% ($3000) higher.
  

CON:

• Designing infrastructure that helps troops advance often involves being IN FRONT of the front lines. Death or dismemberment is much more likely.
  
• I'd have to be almost 20 lbs lighter than I am right now in order to make weight.
• You get thrown into basic with all the other goons, even if you're going in as an officer.
  

Air Force:

PRO:

• Both of my parents were in the Air Force; in fact, that's how they met. As such, I've been raised liking the Air Force, rooting for the AFA in football, etc.
  
• Especially now, the Air Force seems to have plenty of opportunities for engineers and others with technical backgrounds, though not as many.
• Ironically, there are people with the title "Civil Engineer" in the Air Force.
• I'd only have to drop about 5 or 10 pounds to make weight.
• Seeing as the United States hasn't really conceded air superiority since World War II, the chances of death or dismemberment are greatly reduced.
• The Air Force's OTS program is like an integration of basic training and officer training. Not quite as much getting backslapped by TIs.
  
• I already know the US Air Force song.

CON:

• The pay isn't as good, though sufficient.
• Dang, those uniforms are ugly.
• Assuming I was commissioned as an engineer, I'd probably be working on projects that I'd be somewhat less excited about, namely environmental.

As of today, I have requested more information from both the Air Force and the Army. The Air Force asked me more questions about what degree I was getting and how it could be applicable to the things I'd be doing in the military. They also sent me a, more or less, thank you email. Let me just say that I found that whole process to be very classy on their part. The Army seemed to be business as usual. I'll look through the information that they send me and see what either one has to offer. Honestly, I'd really like to choose neither, but we'll see how that goes.

Scar[r]ed Straight

So, over the last couple of days, some of my good friends/roommates went down to Cedar City for the Utah Summer Games to compete in Ultimate Frisbee. We were in the novice division, and ended up getting the silver medal in that division. We played 4 games of Ultimate on Friday, then another 2 Saturday. All of this was awesome, and now I feel like my hamstrings are going to explode out of the back of my legs. However, that's not the point of this post.

I told you that story so that I could tell you this story. As we were driving through Cedar City, we passed a stake center/seminary building right next to a high school that had a sign out in front that read, "Single Adult Dance Tonight from 9-12." Since all of our games that day ended at about 2 pm, we decided that it was at least worth taking a look, even if all of the girls were 18 years old. After we got through 8 dudes showering in a single bathroom (sequentially), had dinner, and did a couple of other things, we made our way to aforementioned stake center.

What followed may have been the single most disturbing 5-minute experience I've ever had. Let's just say that there were definitely no 18 year-old girls anywhere to be found. And let's add that there's a very important distinction between "Young Single Adults," and "Single Adults." Though this experience only lasted about 5 minutes, if that, it seemed like it unfolded over a couple of hours. I started to get a little suspicious when we walked in to the stake center and there were a couple of older people dressed nicely and conversing amongst themselves. I figured that these were merely chaperons there to supervise the goings on of the young people. As we progressed down the hall, we say more and more old people who were dressed progressively more like young people, several of which were checking us out. As we stopped for a drink of water and saw several other old people passing us and walking into the cultural hall, we all realized the distinction that we had missed and ran as fast as we could without revealing our actual intents. On a scale of 1 to disturbing, this experience was a "Hey, you're not a Catholic Priest, don't touch me there!"

What I take away from this experience is mostly that I never want to be in the situation that I saw those other people my parents' (or perhaps my grandparents in some cases) age in. "Single Adults," are just creepy and I just don't want to be a part of that. If it involves mail-ordering a bride at age 30, then so be it. (Admittedly a very much less than ideal option.) Let's just say that this experience has given me sufficient motivation to actually want to get married at some point, and to procrastinate such a decision as little as possible. You're probably not going to see me rushing out to get married tomorrow, or any time in the next couple of months, but I've decided that marriage is something that I want to work toward and to be a part of. :D

A Little Too [Personal]

Tonight as I was perusing through Yahoo!'s "News" (very little of which is actual news) I found This Article. I found the parody of a personal ad at the beginning to be H-I-larious. I will now prepare my own "checklist" parody for both your and my amusement:

Me: 21. 6'2", 220 lbs. Hanging around the Provo area for now, but looking forward to big things (and by things, I mean money) in the very near future from my prospective employment as a civil engineer.
You: 18-23, BYU graduate or prospective MRS. Maximum 5'11" and BMI 18.5-22.5. Member of the church, but not an RM. Able to show knowledge of US federal and state policies and provide documentation of voting in at least the last even-yeared election. A second amendment sister. Major: Biology, Exercise Science, Business (not Accounting), Communication Disorders, French, or Rec Management. Education majors must complete an exam demonstrating that they can "do" as opposed to only being able to "teach." Hobbies: Italian-style cooking, video games, motorcycling, fencing, and chess. Well informed in the topics of: American sports, muscle cars, Dilbert cartoon strips, contemporary science fiction, and classic '80s cinema. Poorly informed (except in the cases of mockery) in the topics of: Vampire romance novels, Britney Spears music, Schmoop Dogg (aka Adam Nicoll), The Princess Bride, ballroom dancing, and cooking with tofu. Equally comfortable wearing 6" heals and plain white tennis shoes.
If interested, please send introductory email with appropriate documentation and a full-body photo. Please also send, as soon as possible, (3) letters of recommendation ( 1 academic, 1 ecclesiastical, and 1 from moderately close male friend). Plus (2) 1000-or-less-word essays on the following topics: "How I know my parents love(d) me", and "The University of Utah Sucks because..."

Yeah, I think that should pretty much do it. If I ever met a woman like this, she would never be interested in me because: 1. I would crap my pants upon meeting her, leaving a very bad impression, and 2. Unless she was 18, and fresh out of high school, she'd already be married, which means that 3. She would definitely not be using online dating sites. The thing that I most take away from this blag is that I need to blag about BMI... :D

Omission(s)

In my recent post, "On a Scale of 1 to Evil..." I chronicled many of my qualms with BYU's Math department. Nevertheless, there are a couple of very important stories that I neglected to include in that post. So, here they are...

The math classes that I took at BYU included Linear Algebra, Multivariable Calculus, and Ordinary Differential Equations, in that order. I had been anxiously anticipating the day of my Differential Equations final since about the second week of linear algebra, when I decided that I was going to take as little math at BYU as possible since BYU math exemplified all things evil. On the day of the final, I walked in to 111 Talmage Building with about a B in the class up to that point (the class was epicurved, so you really didn't know until the end.) I took the final and figured that I did pretty poorly, but didn't really care because I was SO excited to be done. As I ran out of the Talmage Building, I held my hands over my head and yelled out loud, "Freedom! Sweet freedom! You are mine at last!" I ran out of the Talmage Building incredibly contented to be done. I was living at the Riviera Apartments at the time, and I got about there before I realized that I had made a tragic error. In my rush to exit the Talmage Building once and for all, I had left the glasses I was wearing at the time in 111. I made my way back with my head held in shame and said as I entered that room, "Blast, freedom eludes me once more." After I had claimed my glasses, I walked out the Talmage Building once and for all, and have not entered into it again.

A few days after that sweet, sweet event I got my score for the differential equations final. This class was at least partially administered through BYU Math's incredible stupid and mostly worthless "Moodle" website. (And you see that creativity of BYU mathematicians coming up with a website name; it sounds like a name you give to a manicured French Poodle.) So, a few days after the final, Brianna Durham, who is now Brianna West, btw, Crackbook chatted me to tell me that the scores were up for both the final exam and the class. I looked on the stupid Moodle website and found that I had a score of 98 on the final. I said to myself, "Wow, that's a great score, I must have done better than I thought!" ...Then I remembered that the differential equations final was out of 200 points. Suddenly I found myself hoping that I had merely passed the class. As I scrolled down, I found that I had made like a 72, or something like that in the class overall, which was good enough for a C+. To this day, a 49 is still the lowest test score I've ever had. So, BYU Math is responsible for both my lowest overall grade (Linear Algebra: C) and my lowest test score.

BYU Math has made a lasting impression on me (and on my transcripts) in probably the worst way possible. This department has been responsible for my lowest scores in all of my school work. I haven't done any regression analysis, but I believe that the difference between my average scores and my BYU Math scores is statistically significant. I believe that sometimes people and things are but in your way to try your faith and your patience. Both several of current home teachees and BYU Math fit into that category. If it was up to me, I'd disband BYU Math, fire all of the professors and department chairs on the grounds of apostasy and start over with people who are willing to follow Gospel principles... Maybe that's why it's not up to me. :)

A Resolution

On Tuesday of this week, my roommate, Scott Manning took me longboarding up Provo Canyon. Anyone who's seen me since then knows the fate that I suffered on that tragic trip. I ended up eating it 3 time with epic road rash on my arms, hands, and face. More specifically, I didn't end up cutting up any part of face other than my nose, since on my third, and hardest fall I ended up falling right on my nose and leaving one massive gash/puncture wound. Yesterday, the wounds finally scabbed up and coincidentally started to get infected. Soon after I realized this, I made my way to the BYU Bookstore and purchased a cheap knockoff of Neosporin, which was a really good deal, but that's a story for another day. I've been carrying around that tube ever since I bought it. Needless to say, even with "Pain Relief" it still burned like H3lL. Therefore, I have decided to make the following resolution:

I solemnly proclaim that I will never again use any form of non-foot transportation that does not have brakes.

I do this because my concept of speed is based on my experience riding dirt bikes. Now 35 mph really isn't too bad on a dirt bike, when you have a pair of fully-functional disc brakes. When you're riding a longboard and have nothing for brakes except your face, 35 mph is a totally different story. With this resolution, I will no longer ride longboards, skateboards, sleds, toboggans, skis, snowboards, ice blocks, skouches, etc. I will continue, however, to ride motorcycles and bicycles, drive cars, and maybe ride a scooter or two, but anything without brakes is out.