y = e^-x

Disclaimer: The following blag post contains both intermediate mathematics and references to my relationships with women. In fact, this blag post contains little else. Reader discretion is advised.

As the enginerd that I am, I often try to model things mathematically. Since my experience with BYU math, I haven't been as much, but I still do occasionally. Recently I've decided that I should try to model my experience with women over my life mathematically. Therefore, this post is directed mostly at my nerd friends.

Over my life, I figure that my optimism toward women is inversely proportional to my social exposure to them. I say social because, as my friend F@$$w@$$ pointed out, exposure can mean more than one thing. Anywho, as I get to know women in general better and better, my optimism toward them tends to fall. I figure that, at birth, I had a higher optimism for women than in any other context, being perfectly naïve. As my society with women increases, I feel less and less affinity for them. I figure that the decline in optimism would be sharp at first, as I was first introduced to women, and then would flatten out as the exposure to women affected me less and less. I don't honestly think that my optimism toward women would ever actually reach zero, but would come progressively closer to it.

Any curve that would be used to model my relationships with women would therefore need to be horizontally asymptotic to zero. Two equations immediately come to mind when discussing things that are horizontally asymptotic to zero:

y = 1/x OR y = e^-x

I considered y = 1/x for about 10 seconds, but upon remembering that it is also vertically asymptotic to zero quenched that thought. Since this function is vertically asymptotic to zero, it would insinuate that my optimism toward women was necessarily infinite at birth. Considering that infants are innocent in the sight of God, this is possible and even fairly likely. However, considering that neither I neither anyone I know can remember much of their condition at birth, I'll say that this assumption is unnecessary and off-base. I'd rather model my relationships with women as a percentage of the maximum possible optimism. Since y = e^-x has y-intercept of 1 this works perfectly.

So, for the function y = e^-x, the abscissa (x) would be my social exposure to women, and the ordinate (y) would be my optimism toward women as a proportion of the maximum possible. At time t=0, my exposure to women would also be zero and therefore my optimism toward them would be 1, or the maximum possible. As time progresses and my exposure to women increases and therefore my optimism toward them decreases. Naturally, there will be sometimes when my optimism toward women will be higher and some times when it will be lower, but as a general rule, there will be a downward, asymptotic trend.

So, if anyone has the need to know how my relationships with women are going, they really only need to refer to this post. As my time with and therefore my social exposure to women increases, my optimism toward women will only decrease as a general rule. If there's ever a marriage event, there will probably be another phase of the curve which will temporarily spike the curve upward, and then bring in back down to be asymptotic to zero. However, such an event would be unlikely, and the very existence of the y = e^-x relationship would almost preclude it altogether. If it did, I would need to remodel the curve, but would probably only cross that bridge when I came to it.

Think Again

APRIL FOOLS!!! In case you were at all wondering, the blag post immediately before this one is completely and totally fallacious in every way. The only truth in that post was that the application deadline for the University of SPEWtah's CE department was in April 1st. Now let's review some facts:

• FACT: I did not apply to the University of Utah for graduate school.
• FACT: I have never actually set foot on the University of Utah campus.
• FACT: I hate Utah. I hate everything about them.
• FACT: Utah's Civil Engineering program is actually ranked #48 in the nation according to US News and World Report.
• FACT: I was actually totally unimpressed by the U's Civil Engineering program and research.
  
• FACT: I will never apply to Utah for anything, unless it's a contract to blow the whole thing to the ground.
• FACT: The dude on the right-hand sidebar of the U's Civil Engineering Website looks like a child molester.
• FACT: None of the people in the pictures on the U's website looked all that attractive.
• FACT: Red is the color of Satan.
• FACT: 26-23
• FACT: I will be a die-hard Cougar until the day I die.
• FACT: I am currently wearing my, "Friends Don't Let Friends go to the U of U" shirt.
• FACT: This symbol kicks trash:

Interestingly enough, after a full day of lies, treachery and deceit, I feel closer to the spirit of the University of Utah. It's kind of sad, I feel like I need to wash my hands clean from sin... After this experience I think I'm going to be wearing all my BYU gear for 3 days straight... and maybe burning my "Utes" t-shirt. :D

A Revelation

All 4 people who read my blag will know that I've recently been considering where I should go to grad school for civil engineering. I've previously been planning on postponing this decision slightly, but the recent epic nose-dive of death in the economy has caused me to move up some of the decisions that I've been considering. I've been planning on working for a few years before I even start applying to grad schools, but my lack of possible job prospects has lead my to look into grad school as more of a short-term option.

Today I had an interesting thought: "Let's just see where those skanks up at the U of U are ranked in terms of civil engineering grad schools." When I looked up the University of Utah on several ranking sites, I found that they were ranked anywhere from 6th to 24th nationally. Needless to say I was shocked that a school in which I could qualify for in-state tuition would be ranked so high. I figured that it was worth at least looking into the Civil Engineering Program at the U, since it is so close by. What I found was interesting to say the least. I found that they have a very good program for things about which I am passionate in civil engineering. Their classes and research for bridge design and the use of prestressed concrete were awesome, and I liked their program for water resources, hydrology, and hydraulics.

I also looked up when the application deadlines for both fall and winter semester, and it turns out that the application deadline for fall 2010 is... drum roll... today. I figured that I would not be able to apply for this fall since I have not yet taken the GRE. I continued reading on the University of Utah's civil engineering website and found that candidates for non-thesis master's degrees who had GPAs above 3.2 could apply without a GRE score. Sensing that the opportunity was mine to grab by the man-parts, I decided that I could finish the application in one day. The online portion of the application was easy... getting my official transcripts and letters of recommendation up to Salt Lake in time was another story. Nevertheless, I conquered and got all of my application materials up there in time.

While I was on the campus of the U, I decided that I fairly like the environment there. There weren't any drunkards or skanks walking around. The people there just seemed relatively normal. I also looked around the facilities of their engineering building on campus and rather liked what I saw. I mean, it wasn't some masterpiece of architecture, but I enjoyed my brief stay there.

I know this would be a rather drastic change of pace for me. I've been bashing on Utah ever since I started going to BYU, but I just think that I would enjoy the environment and academics going there for grad school. If I did end up going there, I'm not sure I could ever advocate University of Utah football and would probably still cheer for BYU when they played each other. Overall, I just think that the University of Utah wouldn't be too bad of a place to go to school after all. :)

[For all reading this post at this point, check its date. Yeah, April Fools. ;) ]