Over this most recent (2009) college football bowl season I've realized that not all bowl names are created equal. There are some that are just plain wrong and some that are actually pretty cool. Here, I've endeavored to rank the names of all 33 college bowl games other than the national championship, with number 33 being the coolest and number 1 being the raunchiest.
33. Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl-Since literally every bowl game has a sponsor, it is necessary to consider the effect that this sponsor has on the bowl's name. Not only is the Armed Forces Bowl a sweet name for a bowl, it's also sponsored by a company that makes freakin' helicopters...you just can't top that.
32. FedEx Orange Bowl-Sometimes, when I hear the name of a bowl game, I like to imagine an actual bowl filled with the object of note. I just like the thought of a bowl full of oranges.
31. AT&T Cotton Bowl-Maybe it's just that I like the word "cotton." Maybe it's that this game is a classic. Maybe it's just that the "Cotton Bowl" just rolls off your tongue. I don't know, but I like it.
30. Allstate Sugar Bowl-Someday, I'd like to burn down an insurance company, just so they'd actually have to make a claim. If the sponsor wasn't an insurance company, this would be at #31. Along the same lines as the Orange Bowl, I just like the idea of a bowl full of sugar.
29. Sheraton Hawaii Bowl-Who doesn't like the sound of Hawaii...or the Sheraton?
28. Texas Bowl-No inflammatory sponsors or needless frills. Just the Texas Bowl.
27. Brut Sun Bowl-Considering that this game is played in El Paso, I think I can ignore the fact that it won't actually be that hot. Also, the sponsorship with Brut aftershave works inasmuch as football is a rather violent and brutish sport in general.
26. Pacific Life Holiday Bowl-The bowl season is the holiday season after all. I don't really like the Pacific Life sponsorship... but I don't hate it...
25. Tostitos Fiesta Bowl-Let me just say that anyone who's going to be having a "fiesta" is probably going to be more interested in "futbol" rather than football.
24. AutoZone Liberty Bowl-I like the concept of liberty... However I only go into AutoZone when I have little or no liberty left.
23. Outback Bowl-No, this game isn't being played in Australia...it's just brought to you by Outback Steakhouse.
22. Citi Rose Bowl Game-If this game was called the "Tool Bowl," it'd be up near #33. I really just don't like the pageantry and underhanded skankiness that goes along with this game. If you're actually interested in inviting good teams to your bowl game, it should be one of the elite bowl games in the nation. If you plan on inviting the "champions" of the same two conferences every year, regardless of how bad they suck, your bowl should be considered amongst the likes of #1 on this list.
21. Emerald Bowl-For any wondering, this game is not based off a shiny, green gemstone, but rather a company that sells mixed nuts...and you now know why the Emerald Bowl is #21.
20. Insight Bowl-I don't know what to say other than, "I'm just not feeling it."
19. Champ Sports Bowl-I like that the sponsor for this bowl is actually relevant...other than that it's just a corporate buyout.
18. Valero Alamo Bowl-Do you remember the alamo?
17. St Petersburg Bowl-It kind of gives me a feel of playing football on a cold Russian day during a snow storm. Then I have to come to reality and recognize that it's in central Florida where it will be 75 degrees with 98% humidity in December.
16. Chick-fil-a Bowl-Uhh...Eat more chicken?
15. Capital One Bowl-What's in your wallet?... Uh, nothing, actually.
14. R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl-A bowl in N'awlins is a great idea. Sadly, by the time you finish saying the irrelevant sponsor's name, you can't remember the rest of the bowl name.
13. GMAC Bowl-A bank that's an offshoot of a bankrupted company that's been receiving government bailout money? Where do I sign up?
12. EagleBank Bowl-You spent how much to get this bowl sponsorship?! I see my money is safer elsewhere.
11. Konica Minolta Gator Bowl-I like the concept of naming a bowl after a predatory regional animal...though Konica Minolta...I'll pass.
10. New Mexico Bowl-New Mexico: cleaner than the old Mexico... but not by much.
9. Meineke Car Care Bowl-Who the h3Ll plays in this bowl game? The axel rods and the torque converters? You must be freaking joking.
8. Maaco Bowl Las Vegas-This bowl would be much closer to the top if they had called it the Maaco Las Vegas Bowl. But Maaco b*7cH3d and moaned until they got the word "bowl" next to their name. I hope you're happy Maaco...no one respects your sponsorship.
7. Roady's Humanitarian Bowl-In addition to the insult of playing on Boise State's atrocious blue field in the middle of December, the participants also have the privilege of playing in a bowl that makes people ask, "WTF, seriously? There's actually a bowl called that?!"
6. International Bowl-The fact that it's played in Toronto is a mere technicality.
5. AdvoCare V100 Independence Bowl-By the time you leave Shreveport, you're going to need those AdvoCare vitamins to keep from growing an arm out of your forehead.
4. San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl-I know, seriously. I didn't believe it either.
3. Papajohns.com Bowl-This bowl isn't even named after a restaurant...it's named after a restaurant's website.
2. Little Caesar's Pizza Bowl-When the phrase, "Hot 'n' Greasy" actually adds value to your bowl name, you know you have problems.
1. Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl-This one genuinely speaks for itself.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Expansion
So, it has once more come to that time of the year when college football "pundits" (if you can call them than without ralphing a little in your mouth) start talking about how each conference should expand and try to incorporate new teams. I usually abstain from any participation in this conversation, but this year, I must make two contributions:
1) If the Big Ten is going to expand to 12 teams, they should have to change their name. And since the Big XII is already taken, I recommend the "Big Turd."
2) As I am going to a Mountain West school, I feel I should make a few comments on the possible expansion of the Mountain West Conference. I really think that they should. The Bowl Championship Series (BCS) commission is evaluating each of the 5 non-automatic qualifying (AQ) conferences for inclusion in the BCS scheme (or risky scheme, if you prefer). Though the Mountain West is, by far, the leading candidate for inclusion in this system, it is by no measure in certainly. The three parameters which the BCS commission is using to evaluate the non-AQ conferences are, top ranked team in the final BCS standings, number of teams in the BCS top 25, and the average rank of teams in conference. The Mountain West is amongst the leaders in the first two categories, but is lagging somewhat behind in the third. I believe that adding 3 teams to the conference and introducing division/championship play would increase the Mountain West's average ranking as well as make the conference more dynamic in general.
The 3 teams that I would add if it was up to me would be, Boise State, Tulsa, and Houston. Boise State's athletic director has already expressed interest in moving his program(s) to the Mountain West, mostly due to the travel schedule associated with being in the Western Athletic Conference. The addition of Boise State would not necessarily improve the overall average ranking of the conference teams (since it is an average, after all), but would improve the perception that championship football is being played in the Mountain West. The addition of the last two Conference USA West champions, in Tulsa and Houston would help to improve the average ranking of teams in the Mountain West, as well as the overall perception of the conference without dramatically worsening the travel constraints of the teams in the conference. An additional team worth consideration would be Southern Methodist, in order to bring the TCU-SMU rivalry into the conference, and possibly re-establish the BYU-SMU rivalry. Additionally, having Tulsa and Houston in the conference would increase the recruiting footprint for all Mountain West schools in Texas and Oklahoma.
With 12 teams in the conference, it would be both beneficial and necessary to establish division play. This would involve splitting the conference into two divisions of 6 teams each. The 6 teams in each conference would play each other every year, and the teams with the best division record would play each other in a conference championship game, similar to other 12-team conferences. Once again, if it were up to me, I would organize the divisions this way:
1) If the Big Ten is going to expand to 12 teams, they should have to change their name. And since the Big XII is already taken, I recommend the "Big Turd."
2) As I am going to a Mountain West school, I feel I should make a few comments on the possible expansion of the Mountain West Conference. I really think that they should. The Bowl Championship Series (BCS) commission is evaluating each of the 5 non-automatic qualifying (AQ) conferences for inclusion in the BCS scheme (or risky scheme, if you prefer). Though the Mountain West is, by far, the leading candidate for inclusion in this system, it is by no measure in certainly. The three parameters which the BCS commission is using to evaluate the non-AQ conferences are, top ranked team in the final BCS standings, number of teams in the BCS top 25, and the average rank of teams in conference. The Mountain West is amongst the leaders in the first two categories, but is lagging somewhat behind in the third. I believe that adding 3 teams to the conference and introducing division/championship play would increase the Mountain West's average ranking as well as make the conference more dynamic in general.
The 3 teams that I would add if it was up to me would be, Boise State, Tulsa, and Houston. Boise State's athletic director has already expressed interest in moving his program(s) to the Mountain West, mostly due to the travel schedule associated with being in the Western Athletic Conference. The addition of Boise State would not necessarily improve the overall average ranking of the conference teams (since it is an average, after all), but would improve the perception that championship football is being played in the Mountain West. The addition of the last two Conference USA West champions, in Tulsa and Houston would help to improve the average ranking of teams in the Mountain West, as well as the overall perception of the conference without dramatically worsening the travel constraints of the teams in the conference. An additional team worth consideration would be Southern Methodist, in order to bring the TCU-SMU rivalry into the conference, and possibly re-establish the BYU-SMU rivalry. Additionally, having Tulsa and Houston in the conference would increase the recruiting footprint for all Mountain West schools in Texas and Oklahoma.
With 12 teams in the conference, it would be both beneficial and necessary to establish division play. This would involve splitting the conference into two divisions of 6 teams each. The 6 teams in each conference would play each other every year, and the teams with the best division record would play each other in a conference championship game, similar to other 12-team conferences. Once again, if it were up to me, I would organize the divisions this way:
Mountain West North Division:
Boise State
Brigham Young
Colorado State
Nevada-Las Vegas
Utah
Wyoming
This division breakup would maintain both the BYU-Utah rivalry and the CSU-Wyoming rivalry in the division, as well as distribute the talent somewhat evenly between the divisions.
Mountain West South Division:
Air Force
Houston
New Mexico
Texas Christian
Tulsa
San Diego State
Naturally, the team that gains the least from this division breakup is San Diego State, with all of their division foes being halfway across the country. While this would not be much different than the current travel constraints, it would be getting worse instead of better. However, I am confident that a comprimise could be reached via even-odd year and neutral-site agreements.
One of the primary benefits of division play is that, since every team doesn't necessarily have to play every other team every year, the overall record. I could go into a detailed explanation of Simpson's rule and matchup scenarios to explain this, or I could just say that, through the regular season, it is possible for a conference with divisions to have 2 undefeated teams. Division play would increase the overall average ranking of the conference based solely on the fact that not all teams must play each other.
Another interesting challenge to Mountain West expansion in this scenario would be the location of the championship game. As long as UNLV is not playing the championship game, it would seem that Las Vegas would be the best option. However, as we've seen in Mountain West Basketball, UNLV wins the Mountain West tournament every year, because it's on their home floor. With this in mind, I'd like to see the championship game played in Denver, Colorado. Not only is this a somewhat neutral site, but it has the capacity of providing an NFL stadium in Invesco Field at Mile High. Additionally, there is certain nation-wide perception of Denver being a mountain town, though it is more on the high plains. This would create a marketer's dream of a television program, "The Mountain West Conference Championship, live from Invesco Field at Mile High in Denver, Colorado."
While I'm aware that there are many other concerns when considering the expansion of a conference, some of which I'm not even aware, I think this would be beneficial for all schools involved as well as the conference in general. The addition of Boise State, Houston, and Tulsa would boost the overall rankings and perception of the conference and would help to increase the recruiting footprint of all schools without greatly increasing the geographic range of the conference. The introduction of division play would also improve the overall average record of teams in the conference, as well break up the talent in the conference between divisions. While this plan or anything resembling it may never come to fruition, I believe that it would be a great move and investment for all involved parties if it was pursued.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Grading Theory
The time has once again come for professors and students alike to despair on account of the one thing which tends to define them most... grades. Over the years, I've taken quite a few university classes and have seen many grading schemes. I've found that, if I were to teach at any point, there are a few fundamental things that I would want as part of my grading system.
1. A grading system that is simple enough that both students and the instructor can easily see where the points are coming from and where the students stand.
2. A system that will demonstrate students' knowledge of fundamental concepts and reward them for knowledge of more in-depth concepts.
3. A system that has capacity for mercy.
4. A system in which students can know where they stand continuously and which allows for adjustment on assignments of too great of difficulty.
5. A system that encourages, but does not mandate class attendance.
I believe that I have come up with a system that meets all of these objectives as much as possible. This system takes a total grade out of 10,000 points. This value is higher than most professors use. I believe that this is the best value for two reasons. One, in a base-10 system, it is clear exactly what the final percentages in the class will be by reducing the values by 2 orders of magnitude. Two, this higher value for points allows more precision in grading all assignments. All point values are pre-weighted and factor directly into the final value of 10,000 points. This system is broken up into three components: exams, homework, and quizzes. Since I would undoubtedly be teaching engineering classes, other forms of assignments would not be necessary.
Exams
I have come up with both 3-exam and 4-exam schemes. Colleges and departments will often require that there be at least a certain number of midterms, and these are the two most common numbers I've experienced. Both schemes would have exams totalling up to 6,000 points out of total 10,000. This value of 60% of the total grade is also fairly typical of what I've seen. In the 3-exam scheme, there would be 3 exams of 2,000 points each. In the 4-exam scheme, there would be 4 exams of 1,500 points each.
Under the 3-exam scheme, each exam would have 10 multiple choice/short answer questions, each worth 50 points. These questions would be fairly simple, just to see if students have a fundamental knowledge of the concepts at hand and have actually been coming to class and participating. There would also be 3 workout problems of approximately equal difficulty and relevance, each worth 500 points. The 4-exam scheme would be similar, except that each of the multiple choice/short answer questions would be worth 25 points, and the workout problems would not be of equal difficulty. One of the workout problems would be simpler than the other two and would be worth only 250 points. Regardless of the exam scheme, exams would be curved in and of themselves in order adjust for material that was too difficult for an exam situation, in which a student is on an island, per se.
Homework
For homework, there would be 16 assignments of 200 points each. Since there are generally 16 weeks in a semester, it would make sense to have about 1 assignment per week. If I ended up teaching at the University of Washington, or some other school that used the quarter system, this would need to be adjusted. Those reading this who are good with mental math have probably already noticed that 16 assignments at 200 points each adds up to 3,200 points, which doesn't seem to fit very well into my 10,000 point system. Though there would be 3,200 points possible, the total homework grade would be taken out of only 3,000 points, allowing for both mercy and extra credit. Homework assignments would probably consist of 5 problems of 40 points each, or 4 problems of 50 points each, depending on the assignment.
Quizzes
During the course of a semester, there would be at least 10 quizzes worth 100 points each. The primary objective of quizzes would be to encourage students to come to class without mandating that all students be in class every time. These quizzes would be mostly arbitrary in timing, but would probably be given no more than once a week. If more than 10 quizzes are given during a semester, the total would be taken out of only 1,000 points, though not to exceed 100%. Quizzes would be simple and generally straightforward. Students would probably find the multiple choice/short answer exam questions strikingly similar to some of the quiz questions.
As a final note, it should be mentioned that this system is given for a class that has no lab. A different system would have to be employed for classes with a lab.
You're probably now saying, "Whoa dude, you've thought about this way too much for a guy who's not intent on going into academia." And I would say that you are right... I just think I've found a grading system that can meet the needs of professors without sacrificing students like France sacrificed Czechoslovakia to the Germans at the beginning of World War II.
1. A grading system that is simple enough that both students and the instructor can easily see where the points are coming from and where the students stand.
2. A system that will demonstrate students' knowledge of fundamental concepts and reward them for knowledge of more in-depth concepts.
3. A system that has capacity for mercy.
4. A system in which students can know where they stand continuously and which allows for adjustment on assignments of too great of difficulty.
5. A system that encourages, but does not mandate class attendance.
I believe that I have come up with a system that meets all of these objectives as much as possible. This system takes a total grade out of 10,000 points. This value is higher than most professors use. I believe that this is the best value for two reasons. One, in a base-10 system, it is clear exactly what the final percentages in the class will be by reducing the values by 2 orders of magnitude. Two, this higher value for points allows more precision in grading all assignments. All point values are pre-weighted and factor directly into the final value of 10,000 points. This system is broken up into three components: exams, homework, and quizzes. Since I would undoubtedly be teaching engineering classes, other forms of assignments would not be necessary.
Exams
I have come up with both 3-exam and 4-exam schemes. Colleges and departments will often require that there be at least a certain number of midterms, and these are the two most common numbers I've experienced. Both schemes would have exams totalling up to 6,000 points out of total 10,000. This value of 60% of the total grade is also fairly typical of what I've seen. In the 3-exam scheme, there would be 3 exams of 2,000 points each. In the 4-exam scheme, there would be 4 exams of 1,500 points each.
Under the 3-exam scheme, each exam would have 10 multiple choice/short answer questions, each worth 50 points. These questions would be fairly simple, just to see if students have a fundamental knowledge of the concepts at hand and have actually been coming to class and participating. There would also be 3 workout problems of approximately equal difficulty and relevance, each worth 500 points. The 4-exam scheme would be similar, except that each of the multiple choice/short answer questions would be worth 25 points, and the workout problems would not be of equal difficulty. One of the workout problems would be simpler than the other two and would be worth only 250 points. Regardless of the exam scheme, exams would be curved in and of themselves in order adjust for material that was too difficult for an exam situation, in which a student is on an island, per se.
Homework
For homework, there would be 16 assignments of 200 points each. Since there are generally 16 weeks in a semester, it would make sense to have about 1 assignment per week. If I ended up teaching at the University of Washington, or some other school that used the quarter system, this would need to be adjusted. Those reading this who are good with mental math have probably already noticed that 16 assignments at 200 points each adds up to 3,200 points, which doesn't seem to fit very well into my 10,000 point system. Though there would be 3,200 points possible, the total homework grade would be taken out of only 3,000 points, allowing for both mercy and extra credit. Homework assignments would probably consist of 5 problems of 40 points each, or 4 problems of 50 points each, depending on the assignment.
Quizzes
During the course of a semester, there would be at least 10 quizzes worth 100 points each. The primary objective of quizzes would be to encourage students to come to class without mandating that all students be in class every time. These quizzes would be mostly arbitrary in timing, but would probably be given no more than once a week. If more than 10 quizzes are given during a semester, the total would be taken out of only 1,000 points, though not to exceed 100%. Quizzes would be simple and generally straightforward. Students would probably find the multiple choice/short answer exam questions strikingly similar to some of the quiz questions.
As a final note, it should be mentioned that this system is given for a class that has no lab. A different system would have to be employed for classes with a lab.
You're probably now saying, "Whoa dude, you've thought about this way too much for a guy who's not intent on going into academia." And I would say that you are right... I just think I've found a grading system that can meet the needs of professors without sacrificing students like France sacrificed Czechoslovakia to the Germans at the beginning of World War II.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Preliminary Bucket
At some point, I will "kick the bucket," but there are a few things I want to do first:
- See a game in all 30 MLB ballparks (1 down, 29 to go.)
- See a World Series game.
- See an NCAA bowl game.
- Say "Je crache sûr ce pays," in France, then spit.
- Read the Bible cover to cover, even if it means falling asleep in the books of chronicles a few times.
- Be able to write left-handed.
- Visit all 50 United States. (40 down, 10 to go.)
- Learn to play the bass guitar. (Maybe learn something about music first.)
- Find another civil engineer with the last name "Power" and start "White-Power Engineers."
- Get at least 3 degrees. (Namely the BS, MS, and MBA and/or PhD)
- Have "alphabet soup" after my name. (Probably PE. Maybe PLS, PTOE, PhD, Esq., F.ASCE.)
I'm certain that there will be more to add to this list, but I think that this is a good start.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Sometimes I actually do read books
Recently, I've been reading the book, "Economics for Dummies," by Dr Sean Masaki Flynn. Why, you ask? Because it maximizes my happiness. Sad, but true... Anywho, I was reading through this book earlier today and I stumbled upon a certain rhetorical analogy that I just can't really agree with entirely.
This analogy has to do with international trade and trade surpluses/deficits. It essentially starts out with two guys, one who has $50 worth of oranges and another who has $50 worth of apples. Each guy also has $100 cash. If the orange guy wants to buy $20 worth of apples and the apple guy wants to buy $30 worth of oranges, then they have a deal. They trade that portion of their cash for their share of fruit and they are both happy. The author uses this analogy to refute the idea that the apple guy has been disadvantaged because he has incurred a trade deficit. On prinicple, I agree with him. At least in theory, there should be no disadvantage to incurring any sort of trade deficit. However, let me present to you my own analogy.
There are two guys, one selling apples, and one selling oranges. We'll call the guy selling apples Uncle Sam, and the guy selling oranges Mr. Toyota. Both of these guys have $50 worth of their respective product, as well as $100 in cash. One day, Uncle Sam decides that he wants to buy $30 worth of oranges from Mr Toyota, and Mr Toyota reciprocates by buying $20 worth of apples from Uncle Sam. They make the deal and both come home happy. Uncle Sam goes home and makes himself a glass of orange juice and decides that it's the best thing he's ever tasted. The next day, he goes and finds Mr Toyota, buys the remaining $20 worth of his oranges, as well as his shoes, watch, belt buckle, tie clip, and pocket protector for $75, which, if you're up with math gives Uncle Sam -$25. Mr Toyota reciprocates by buying another $10 worth of Uncle Sam's apples. On the way home, Uncle Sam realizes that, though he's really got the vitamin C thing down, he's currently suffering from berryberry. He needs to go buy some spinach from Senor Cocino, but realizes that his -$15 isn't going to get him much. So, he takes a stroll over to General Tsao's where he takes out a loan for $50. He goes to Senor Cocino and gets some spinach for $25 which gets rid of the berryberry, but manages to give him dysentery at the same time... for which Senor Cocino conveniently has the cure, for the amount of the rest of Uncle Sam's loan money. As Uncle Sam is walking home, he realizes that his muscles are rapidly atrophying and that he needs to make another run to General Tsao's. General Tsao agrees to provide him with all the chicken he can eat for the low price of his soul.
Now you see the problem here is that, in this story, Uncle Sam failed to act rationally. He acted like such a freakin' moron that no amount of free-market robustness could manage to save him from himself. And thus we see the purpose of tariffs and anti-trade laws. They are not to save us from the incindiary evil of free-market trade, but to save us from our own stupidity. This is generally the purpose of most laws. Why do most traffic laws exist? To save the general public from the one imbecile who insists on texting his broha while driving at 80 mph. Why are there warning labels on everything? To prevent some leggy blonde with a negative IQ from suing after she electricutes herself while drying her hair in the shower. Why do we have anti-trade laws and tariffs? To keep ourselves from going on a shopping spree in Japan with China's money. Is it stupid in theory? Yes. Does it hinder true free-market trade? Yes. Is it necessary? As long as there are stupid people, yes.
This analogy has to do with international trade and trade surpluses/deficits. It essentially starts out with two guys, one who has $50 worth of oranges and another who has $50 worth of apples. Each guy also has $100 cash. If the orange guy wants to buy $20 worth of apples and the apple guy wants to buy $30 worth of oranges, then they have a deal. They trade that portion of their cash for their share of fruit and they are both happy. The author uses this analogy to refute the idea that the apple guy has been disadvantaged because he has incurred a trade deficit. On prinicple, I agree with him. At least in theory, there should be no disadvantage to incurring any sort of trade deficit. However, let me present to you my own analogy.
There are two guys, one selling apples, and one selling oranges. We'll call the guy selling apples Uncle Sam, and the guy selling oranges Mr. Toyota. Both of these guys have $50 worth of their respective product, as well as $100 in cash. One day, Uncle Sam decides that he wants to buy $30 worth of oranges from Mr Toyota, and Mr Toyota reciprocates by buying $20 worth of apples from Uncle Sam. They make the deal and both come home happy. Uncle Sam goes home and makes himself a glass of orange juice and decides that it's the best thing he's ever tasted. The next day, he goes and finds Mr Toyota, buys the remaining $20 worth of his oranges, as well as his shoes, watch, belt buckle, tie clip, and pocket protector for $75, which, if you're up with math gives Uncle Sam -$25. Mr Toyota reciprocates by buying another $10 worth of Uncle Sam's apples. On the way home, Uncle Sam realizes that, though he's really got the vitamin C thing down, he's currently suffering from berryberry. He needs to go buy some spinach from Senor Cocino, but realizes that his -$15 isn't going to get him much. So, he takes a stroll over to General Tsao's where he takes out a loan for $50. He goes to Senor Cocino and gets some spinach for $25 which gets rid of the berryberry, but manages to give him dysentery at the same time... for which Senor Cocino conveniently has the cure, for the amount of the rest of Uncle Sam's loan money. As Uncle Sam is walking home, he realizes that his muscles are rapidly atrophying and that he needs to make another run to General Tsao's. General Tsao agrees to provide him with all the chicken he can eat for the low price of his soul.
Now you see the problem here is that, in this story, Uncle Sam failed to act rationally. He acted like such a freakin' moron that no amount of free-market robustness could manage to save him from himself. And thus we see the purpose of tariffs and anti-trade laws. They are not to save us from the incindiary evil of free-market trade, but to save us from our own stupidity. This is generally the purpose of most laws. Why do most traffic laws exist? To save the general public from the one imbecile who insists on texting his broha while driving at 80 mph. Why are there warning labels on everything? To prevent some leggy blonde with a negative IQ from suing after she electricutes herself while drying her hair in the shower. Why do we have anti-trade laws and tariffs? To keep ourselves from going on a shopping spree in Japan with China's money. Is it stupid in theory? Yes. Does it hinder true free-market trade? Yes. Is it necessary? As long as there are stupid people, yes.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Planning Ahead
So, after my recently completed EPIC roadtrip to Snowflake, AZ, there are a couple of issues which have been brought to the forefront of my mind. There were plenty of flippin' awesome adventures which will be shared in the near, future, but I'm going to need some time to organize these thoughts. However, there are others which have come conviently preorganized for entrance into this blag.
At one point during this epic roadtrip, I had a discussion with one of the friends with whom I went concerning what our plans were for the future. She listed a series of plans A-D which involved reasonable and worthy goals for a latter-day saint in her age bracket. It then became my turn to share my plans for the future. Herein I shall list, in as close to exact wording as possible, what I related to her.
Before I get into my list of life plans, I find it necessary to first list a few baseline assumptions which are pivotal to the context of my life plans.
1. The only definite unkown in my future which would require planning would be if, when, and with whom I would marry.
2. My lack of personality and/or spiritual prowess would prevent most any worthy latter-day saint woman from wanting to marry me based solely on who I am.
3. LDS women base their marriage decision, in large part, on their observances of a potential mate's relationship with his mother.
4. The fact that my mother is a narcissistic sociopath with whom I have a minimalistic relationship would deter any remaining women who found what little personality I posses attractive.
Alright, now onto the plans...
Plan A: Obtain Cars and Money--I find that when I'm feeling relatively down or depressed about my life situation, Good Charlotte's song, "Girls and Boys," is particularly comforting. Inasmuch as all human beings are shallow on some level, the ability to obtain material possessions will attract potential spouses. The drawback is that I might have the privilege of finding out first hand that an IQ score can actually come back negative.
Plan B: Obtain Bachelor Pad--Recently, one of my roommates suggested that he would like to invest in a bachelor pad after he graduates. As long as their is never a cat in this place, I wouldn't mind joining him.
Plan C: Obtain Sugar Momma--I've always supposed that I would make some woman a good second husband. Finding a woman who's already loaded with her ex-husband's money would take the pressure off of me, and maybe even allow me to live a little.
Plan D: Obtain Tall Bridge--You might be asking, "Why does he need to obtain the tall bridge when he could just find one?" Well the answer to that is simple. The first three plans involved obtaining something or another, so I decided to continue the streak. And heck... I could just charge it on a credit card... will I have to pay for it in the end? I submit that I will not! ;)
At one point during this epic roadtrip, I had a discussion with one of the friends with whom I went concerning what our plans were for the future. She listed a series of plans A-D which involved reasonable and worthy goals for a latter-day saint in her age bracket. It then became my turn to share my plans for the future. Herein I shall list, in as close to exact wording as possible, what I related to her.
Before I get into my list of life plans, I find it necessary to first list a few baseline assumptions which are pivotal to the context of my life plans.
1. The only definite unkown in my future which would require planning would be if, when, and with whom I would marry.
2. My lack of personality and/or spiritual prowess would prevent most any worthy latter-day saint woman from wanting to marry me based solely on who I am.
3. LDS women base their marriage decision, in large part, on their observances of a potential mate's relationship with his mother.
4. The fact that my mother is a narcissistic sociopath with whom I have a minimalistic relationship would deter any remaining women who found what little personality I posses attractive.
Alright, now onto the plans...
Plan A: Obtain Cars and Money--I find that when I'm feeling relatively down or depressed about my life situation, Good Charlotte's song, "Girls and Boys," is particularly comforting. Inasmuch as all human beings are shallow on some level, the ability to obtain material possessions will attract potential spouses. The drawback is that I might have the privilege of finding out first hand that an IQ score can actually come back negative.
Plan B: Obtain Bachelor Pad--Recently, one of my roommates suggested that he would like to invest in a bachelor pad after he graduates. As long as their is never a cat in this place, I wouldn't mind joining him.
Plan C: Obtain Sugar Momma--I've always supposed that I would make some woman a good second husband. Finding a woman who's already loaded with her ex-husband's money would take the pressure off of me, and maybe even allow me to live a little.
Plan D: Obtain Tall Bridge--You might be asking, "Why does he need to obtain the tall bridge when he could just find one?" Well the answer to that is simple. The first three plans involved obtaining something or another, so I decided to continue the streak. And heck... I could just charge it on a credit card... will I have to pay for it in the end? I submit that I will not! ;)
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Top 10 --> Utes
The top 10 reasons to NOT attend the University of Utah:
10. The difference between their mascot Swoop and Foghorn Leghorn is very subtle to the untrained eye.
10. The difference between their mascot Swoop and Foghorn Leghorn is very subtle to the untrained eye.
Swoop
Foghorn Leghorn
9. They're the Spyewts.
8. Brigham Young founded the University of Deseret, not the University of Utah.
7. The next big earthquake in Utah will most likely have its epicenter near the U of U. Probably on account of all the unrighteousness.
6. No matter how many times you bust the BCS, it will never add up to a national championship.
5. The prophet lives in Salt Lake?... Oh, just like Daniel lived in Babylon, right?
4. The U of U chemistry department claimed to have invented perpetual motion a few years back... their recipe was later revealed to be one for beer.
3. Red is the least powerful color in the visible spectrum, while blue is among the most powerful. Thus there is, by default, little light at the U.
2. The blood in my veins only turns red when it is corrupted by the filth of the world.
1. The girls like boys and the boys do too!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Ring Check?!... Who Does That?!
For those who have lived in Provo for more than about 10 minutes as a YSA, you are quite familiar with the concept of the ring check. For those who are somewhat less enlightened on the concept, I'll expound. The ring check is the process of making (hopefully) subtle glances at a member of the opposite gender's left ring finger in order to ascertain if he/she is married. The concept has many applications, both with those with whom you're having an in-depth conversation, or just with those who have caught your eye in passing.
My intent with this post is not to spend 1200 words expounding on the concept of the ring check, but it is to establish that I have, at least for myself, found a more effective and efficient way of doing things. This method has been so simple and so blatant in front of my eyes that I can hardly believe that I haven't thought of it before. Perhaps, I have, just not in so clear of terms. But anywho, I've found that almost any woman with whom I can feel comfortable having a sustained conversation is almost certainly already married. I shall now present for you some of the evidence I've accrued in 3 exhibits.
Exhibit A: Kerry Hill--For those not privy to the workings of BYU's Civil Engineering department office, Kerry is the "Secretary Specialist," or essentially the head secretary in the office. Over the course of the year and a half or so that she has held this position, I've been privileged to discuss several matters of both academics and employment with her and have never felt uncomfortable around her for a second. Both the tone of her voice and her facial expression is enough to bring comfort to pretty much anyone who comes into the CE office to see her. And yes, I could see the ring on her left ring finger from the 17th row on the first day of semen-ar that she was there...And no, I just don't think it would be the same if she wasn't married.
Exhibit B: Andra Staley--Let me start off this portion by say that I knew Andra when her last name was Pathakis. When she was single (for the most part) there was virtually no communication between us, and any that there was was painfully awkward. When she became Andra Staley, I found it much easier to communicate with her in virtually ever situation. And heck, she even says 'hi' to me in the hall when we pass each other. :P
Exhibit C: Random woman in my religion class--It was just today in my religion class, I accidentally bumped into a woman as we were trying to find our seats. She turned and apologized to me for her portion of the mishap and we just about struck up an in-depth conversation about such mishaps. I thought to myself, "Wow, I can't remember a time when I've been so comfortable talking to a woman... There must be a catch... Ring check! Affirmative, we've got left-hand bling CAP'N!"
At this point in the entry, I would think it would be appropriate to present some exhibits of single women with whom I've not felt comfortable communicating, but in all honesty, there are just no stand-outs in that category. In all my encounters with single women, they've all pretty much been universally and uniformly uncomfortable. I've pretty much got nothing.
It would also be entirely appropriate at this point to ask, "Well William, why is it so?" On the surface, this is pretty simple: women who are married are willing to meet me halfway in social situations. Married women will often show tone and body language that insinuates that they actually want to be a part of a conversation, might just be willing to start a conversation *gasp*. Conversely, single women seem to act like they couldn't care less about the situation and would just really rather not be bothered. I would be the last person on Earth who would want to try to prognosticate what's in a single woman's head at any given point of time, but regardless of what that might be, I'm getting signals that she just doesn't give a flying eph.
I think that there are 2 primary reasons for the occurence of this phenomenon. There are certainly other, small factors which contribute, but for the most part, I think it's mostly these 2. First of all, married women are just more comfortable around men in general and have established better communication patterns. What better way is there to get to know someone than to spend almost every waking hour of the day and night with them? Women who are married spend a huge proportion of their time with at least one man, and thus have a better understanding of how men in general function. Secondly, there is mutual acknowledgement that there will be no more forming of marital relationships in this woman's life. With this pressure lifted off of her shoulders, a woman is somewhat free to remove the proverbial 'masks' which she wears while courting relationships could still exist.
In all honesty, is such a concept going to substitute for the ever-present ring check? I most definitely suppose that it will not. As long as wedding rings are exchanged in marriage, there will be ring checks. But is this information therefore entirely useless to me? I submit that understanding how we communicate with people is one of the more significant barriers to communication between individuals, and with an understanding such as this, communication with both married and unmarried members of the opposite gender only stand to be improved.
My intent with this post is not to spend 1200 words expounding on the concept of the ring check, but it is to establish that I have, at least for myself, found a more effective and efficient way of doing things. This method has been so simple and so blatant in front of my eyes that I can hardly believe that I haven't thought of it before. Perhaps, I have, just not in so clear of terms. But anywho, I've found that almost any woman with whom I can feel comfortable having a sustained conversation is almost certainly already married. I shall now present for you some of the evidence I've accrued in 3 exhibits.
Exhibit A: Kerry Hill--For those not privy to the workings of BYU's Civil Engineering department office, Kerry is the "Secretary Specialist," or essentially the head secretary in the office. Over the course of the year and a half or so that she has held this position, I've been privileged to discuss several matters of both academics and employment with her and have never felt uncomfortable around her for a second. Both the tone of her voice and her facial expression is enough to bring comfort to pretty much anyone who comes into the CE office to see her. And yes, I could see the ring on her left ring finger from the 17th row on the first day of semen-ar that she was there...And no, I just don't think it would be the same if she wasn't married.
Exhibit B: Andra Staley--Let me start off this portion by say that I knew Andra when her last name was Pathakis. When she was single (for the most part) there was virtually no communication between us, and any that there was was painfully awkward. When she became Andra Staley, I found it much easier to communicate with her in virtually ever situation. And heck, she even says 'hi' to me in the hall when we pass each other. :P
Exhibit C: Random woman in my religion class--It was just today in my religion class, I accidentally bumped into a woman as we were trying to find our seats. She turned and apologized to me for her portion of the mishap and we just about struck up an in-depth conversation about such mishaps. I thought to myself, "Wow, I can't remember a time when I've been so comfortable talking to a woman... There must be a catch... Ring check! Affirmative, we've got left-hand bling CAP'N!"
At this point in the entry, I would think it would be appropriate to present some exhibits of single women with whom I've not felt comfortable communicating, but in all honesty, there are just no stand-outs in that category. In all my encounters with single women, they've all pretty much been universally and uniformly uncomfortable. I've pretty much got nothing.
It would also be entirely appropriate at this point to ask, "Well William, why is it so?" On the surface, this is pretty simple: women who are married are willing to meet me halfway in social situations. Married women will often show tone and body language that insinuates that they actually want to be a part of a conversation, might just be willing to start a conversation *gasp*. Conversely, single women seem to act like they couldn't care less about the situation and would just really rather not be bothered. I would be the last person on Earth who would want to try to prognosticate what's in a single woman's head at any given point of time, but regardless of what that might be, I'm getting signals that she just doesn't give a flying eph.
I think that there are 2 primary reasons for the occurence of this phenomenon. There are certainly other, small factors which contribute, but for the most part, I think it's mostly these 2. First of all, married women are just more comfortable around men in general and have established better communication patterns. What better way is there to get to know someone than to spend almost every waking hour of the day and night with them? Women who are married spend a huge proportion of their time with at least one man, and thus have a better understanding of how men in general function. Secondly, there is mutual acknowledgement that there will be no more forming of marital relationships in this woman's life. With this pressure lifted off of her shoulders, a woman is somewhat free to remove the proverbial 'masks' which she wears while courting relationships could still exist.
In all honesty, is such a concept going to substitute for the ever-present ring check? I most definitely suppose that it will not. As long as wedding rings are exchanged in marriage, there will be ring checks. But is this information therefore entirely useless to me? I submit that understanding how we communicate with people is one of the more significant barriers to communication between individuals, and with an understanding such as this, communication with both married and unmarried members of the opposite gender only stand to be improved.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
I'd Do Things a Little Differently
Recently, the presence of my last priority registration date at BYU has got me to thinking about how I would do things if I was the president of the university. So, here are a few of the policies/procedures/general things which I'd change around at BYU if I had all power. (These aren't in any particular order, btw.)
1. The School of Family Life would officially be renamed the school of Marriage and Relationship Science. So, when freshman girls are asked, "So are you just here to get your MRS?" They can respond, "Well, yes actually." And possibly, a dude could chime in and say, "Yeah, I am too!" just to confuse the heck out of the questioner.
2. It would be perfectly legal/acceptable/encouraged to throw water balloons full of blue paint at anyone wearing University of Utah apparel on campus.*
3. Along those same lines, anyone attending a football game not wearing the colors of one team or another would be doused with blue paint.
4. The math department would be dissolved; any faculty and staff would be fired and the department would be rebuilt based on principles of the Gospel of Christ instead of on the principles of the plan of Satan.
5. The Honor Code would be modified slightly. Men would not be required to be entirely clean shaven, but would be asked and encouraged to keep facial hair trimmed and neat, avoiding excessive and extravagant styles. Women would also be required to have hair that extends at least below the collar, conversely to men's hair which must be trimmed above the collar.
6. AP, IB, and other college credit would still apply to graduation requirements, but any credit obtained before high school graduation would not apply to priority registration deadlines.
7. Women would receive a grant of $150 per credit hour of classes that she registers for that end in "En" and $300 per credit hour per semester for classes labelled "CS".
8. Bookstore managers would get caned once per dollar markup per book sold in the whole bookstore. ie If a book was marked up $4 and 30 of them were sold, each bookstore manager would get 120 canings for that book.
9. The university would add a Dental School, or "University Cash Cow" as I would call it. Tuition to go to this school would be $12,000 a semester and the school would house about 20-50 dental students at a time. (This is in case you're wondering how I'm going to pay for all of my other ideas ;)
10. Tickets for football games would be sold based on knowledge of football and fanhood. When one visited byutickets.com and was looking to purchase football tickets he/she would need to complete a quiz of randomly generated questions pertaining to the rules and strategy of football and well as his/her reaction in certain situations. The scores on this quiz would determine which seats a fan is eligible to buy. The prices would remain the same, but the quality of fanhood would multiply exponentially.
11. Any student using the term "Zion" as an adjective will be put on academic warning. Any professor using this term in this context will have his/her pay reduced by $10,000 per offense... unless he/she is a religion professor, then the reduction will be $20,000 per offense.
12. Professors will not teach the false doctrine of the superiority of the metric system. Offenders will have their parking permits revoked immediately.
13. All classroom seats in the JSB will be removed and replaced with something comfortable to sit in.
14. Students who graduate without getting married will be given awards for both endurance and individuality, and given special honors at the graduation ceremony.
15. The after-hours maintenance crew for on-campus housing will be entirely separate from campus police. No more students dialing 911 to report taking a massive crap and clogging the toilet.
16. The opinion section of the Daily Universe will be officially renamed the "Student Sarcasm" section in which readers may submit preposterous statements and insult one another. The content will remain more or less the same.
Well, these are just a sample of things I'd institute if I were president of this university. Don't get me wrong, I think this university is awesome and for the most part is being run well. However there are indeed a few things I'd do a little differently.
*This policy would need to be voided on game day in order to avoid a quite literal holy war.
1. The School of Family Life would officially be renamed the school of Marriage and Relationship Science. So, when freshman girls are asked, "So are you just here to get your MRS?" They can respond, "Well, yes actually." And possibly, a dude could chime in and say, "Yeah, I am too!" just to confuse the heck out of the questioner.
2. It would be perfectly legal/acceptable/encouraged to throw water balloons full of blue paint at anyone wearing University of Utah apparel on campus.*
3. Along those same lines, anyone attending a football game not wearing the colors of one team or another would be doused with blue paint.
4. The math department would be dissolved; any faculty and staff would be fired and the department would be rebuilt based on principles of the Gospel of Christ instead of on the principles of the plan of Satan.
5. The Honor Code would be modified slightly. Men would not be required to be entirely clean shaven, but would be asked and encouraged to keep facial hair trimmed and neat, avoiding excessive and extravagant styles. Women would also be required to have hair that extends at least below the collar, conversely to men's hair which must be trimmed above the collar.
6. AP, IB, and other college credit would still apply to graduation requirements, but any credit obtained before high school graduation would not apply to priority registration deadlines.
7. Women would receive a grant of $150 per credit hour of classes that she registers for that end in "En" and $300 per credit hour per semester for classes labelled "CS".
8. Bookstore managers would get caned once per dollar markup per book sold in the whole bookstore. ie If a book was marked up $4 and 30 of them were sold, each bookstore manager would get 120 canings for that book.
9. The university would add a Dental School, or "University Cash Cow" as I would call it. Tuition to go to this school would be $12,000 a semester and the school would house about 20-50 dental students at a time. (This is in case you're wondering how I'm going to pay for all of my other ideas ;)
10. Tickets for football games would be sold based on knowledge of football and fanhood. When one visited byutickets.com and was looking to purchase football tickets he/she would need to complete a quiz of randomly generated questions pertaining to the rules and strategy of football and well as his/her reaction in certain situations. The scores on this quiz would determine which seats a fan is eligible to buy. The prices would remain the same, but the quality of fanhood would multiply exponentially.
11. Any student using the term "Zion" as an adjective will be put on academic warning. Any professor using this term in this context will have his/her pay reduced by $10,000 per offense... unless he/she is a religion professor, then the reduction will be $20,000 per offense.
12. Professors will not teach the false doctrine of the superiority of the metric system. Offenders will have their parking permits revoked immediately.
13. All classroom seats in the JSB will be removed and replaced with something comfortable to sit in.
14. Students who graduate without getting married will be given awards for both endurance and individuality, and given special honors at the graduation ceremony.
15. The after-hours maintenance crew for on-campus housing will be entirely separate from campus police. No more students dialing 911 to report taking a massive crap and clogging the toilet.
16. The opinion section of the Daily Universe will be officially renamed the "Student Sarcasm" section in which readers may submit preposterous statements and insult one another. The content will remain more or less the same.
Well, these are just a sample of things I'd institute if I were president of this university. Don't get me wrong, I think this university is awesome and for the most part is being run well. However there are indeed a few things I'd do a little differently.
*This policy would need to be voided on game day in order to avoid a quite literal holy war.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Interpolation
This post is a follow-up on a previous post titled: Extrapolation.
So, at the more or less midway point of the semester, I figured I'd give an update of how classes have been going thus far.
CE En 321-Structural Analysis: As predicted, this class has been a whole lot of fun and somewhat of a challenge at the same time. We have closed our review of statics and are drawing near to a close on our work with virtual work and flexibility. Thus far I've been pwning this class like a dirty n00b due to my above average knowledge of statics and Castigliano's theorem (virtual work). Though I expect to be put on upset alert when the final for this class rolls around, just like in 103, 204, 270, and 332... but we'll see.
CE En 305A-Metals, Woods, and Composites: This class has all but come to a close. I found that there were several key concepts on the curriculum for this class which I learned, but mostly I just learned all the things that I should have learned in Mechanics of Materials, but didn't, which is certainly valuable in and of itself. Dr Dumb@$$ turned out to not be quite as bad as initially supposed. His knowledge of the material and his ability to at least somewhat communicate it, as well mercy for misunderstanding resulting in me having a much higher final opinion of him than the initial.
CE En 305B-Aggregates: This class has just begun, but I am actually fairly excited about it. I find that I have quite a high nerd propensity for concrete, asphalt, and any other sort of composite mixture of the sort. At this point the only thing that I can really say against my professor is that his first name is actually William, but he goes by his middle name... Spencer. Needless to say I find this appalling. Other than this, however, I find that he will be a good instructor who truly knows the material and how to apply it.
CE En 562-Traffic Engineering: This class has been relatively good thus far. Not that I pay attention in lecture, for Dr Saito does not speak fluent English. But I've enjoyed gaining knowledge about the concepts of transportation engineering beyond the simplicity of the Greenshields model and the four steps of transportation planning. Though I'm still not entirely sure how these topics would be properly applied in industry, but that's what going into industry is for. :)
Bio 100-Principles of Biology: I think I'm going to get a C in this class based on the fact that it is far too easy. I go into class and teacher says, "Well, did everyone take the quiz?" and I'm like "Holy $h*7, there was quiz, when did this happen?" I actually haven't taken any tests in this class yet, so we'll see how it goes after that, but yes... far too easy of a class consider the difficulty of the rest of my schedule.
Rel C 234-LDS Marriage and Family: This class is somewhat less exciting than I initially thought it would be. Generally just regurgitation of doctrine that I've heard about once a month since 2005, nothing incredibly profound. But what to you expect from religion classes?
Bus M 380-Executive Lectures: The only negative thing that I can possibly say about this class is that the executives which we've seen have been fairly low-level executives at relatively unimportant companies. Other than that's it's been pretty flippin' awesome.
CE En 300A-Stupid Semen-ar: Yep, still stupid.
So, at the more or less midway point of the semester, I figured I'd give an update of how classes have been going thus far.
CE En 321-Structural Analysis: As predicted, this class has been a whole lot of fun and somewhat of a challenge at the same time. We have closed our review of statics and are drawing near to a close on our work with virtual work and flexibility. Thus far I've been pwning this class like a dirty n00b due to my above average knowledge of statics and Castigliano's theorem (virtual work). Though I expect to be put on upset alert when the final for this class rolls around, just like in 103, 204, 270, and 332... but we'll see.
CE En 305A-Metals, Woods, and Composites: This class has all but come to a close. I found that there were several key concepts on the curriculum for this class which I learned, but mostly I just learned all the things that I should have learned in Mechanics of Materials, but didn't, which is certainly valuable in and of itself. Dr Dumb@$$ turned out to not be quite as bad as initially supposed. His knowledge of the material and his ability to at least somewhat communicate it, as well mercy for misunderstanding resulting in me having a much higher final opinion of him than the initial.
CE En 305B-Aggregates: This class has just begun, but I am actually fairly excited about it. I find that I have quite a high nerd propensity for concrete, asphalt, and any other sort of composite mixture of the sort. At this point the only thing that I can really say against my professor is that his first name is actually William, but he goes by his middle name... Spencer. Needless to say I find this appalling. Other than this, however, I find that he will be a good instructor who truly knows the material and how to apply it.
CE En 562-Traffic Engineering: This class has been relatively good thus far. Not that I pay attention in lecture, for Dr Saito does not speak fluent English. But I've enjoyed gaining knowledge about the concepts of transportation engineering beyond the simplicity of the Greenshields model and the four steps of transportation planning. Though I'm still not entirely sure how these topics would be properly applied in industry, but that's what going into industry is for. :)
Bio 100-Principles of Biology: I think I'm going to get a C in this class based on the fact that it is far too easy. I go into class and teacher says, "Well, did everyone take the quiz?" and I'm like "Holy $h*7, there was quiz, when did this happen?" I actually haven't taken any tests in this class yet, so we'll see how it goes after that, but yes... far too easy of a class consider the difficulty of the rest of my schedule.
Rel C 234-LDS Marriage and Family: This class is somewhat less exciting than I initially thought it would be. Generally just regurgitation of doctrine that I've heard about once a month since 2005, nothing incredibly profound. But what to you expect from religion classes?
Bus M 380-Executive Lectures: The only negative thing that I can possibly say about this class is that the executives which we've seen have been fairly low-level executives at relatively unimportant companies. Other than that's it's been pretty flippin' awesome.
CE En 300A-Stupid Semen-ar: Yep, still stupid.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Lies, D@mN3d Lies, and...
Disclaimer: this blag post is based on this essay.
Why I Will Never Have a Girlfriend
Reading this first will make this blag post make much, much more sense.
So inspired by the essay posted by one Tristan Miller, I have decided to do my own statistical analysis which addresses my perpetually single status. Unlike his essay, however, this post will be slightly less empirical with a few more anecdotal assumptions thrown in. The primary difference will be related to Miller's analysis of age groups which I found to be rather questionable. Thus, I will endeavor to make some more baseline assumptions concerning age groups.
Membership of the LDS Church (as of December 31st 2008): 13,508,509
Unlike Miller's essay, I will start off with a somewhat smaller demographic. Since I am Latter-day Saint myself, and therefore have a high standard of morals and virtue as well as a desire to be married no other place than an LDS temple, this is a proper way in which to start.
...who are active: 10,266,467
According to the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life, the activity rates of church members is around 76%. I have certain doubts that this number is quite this high (since these were self-identified) , but in this scenario it is a conservative estimate, so I will go with it.
...who are female: 5,133,233
Here I made the basic assumption that half of Latter-day Saints are female. There have been certain reports which have shown that it's more like 52-55%, but this would be a very specific assumption to make for such a broad problem as this. Thus I used a standard 50-50 ratio.
...who live in developed nations: 2,566,616
Like Tristan Miller, I have no plans of living in India or Outer Kreplakistan, so limiting potential mates to residents of North America, Canada, English Speaking Europe, and Australia. It is estimated that approximately 46% of LDS church members live in the US and Canada. I will also lump in with this the idea that any woman who I would want to have a romantic relationship with would also have to speak fluent English. Along these lines I'm assuming that about half of LDS women are English speakers who live in developed nations.
...who are (as of 2009) 18 to 25 years old: 384,993
In his essay, Miller ends up with about 10% of the populous which had not already been eliminated being with the proper bounds of age. I think that this is somewhere in the neighborhood, however I'd be will to bet that the distribution of ages of women listed are somewhat more right-skewed than he supposed, giving closer to 12-15% of women in the proper range. I have thus chosen a more conservative value of 15% of women who would be in the appropriate age range. It is also helpful to note that I am the exact same age now as Miller was when he composed this essay, which makes the transition quite simple.
...who are "beautiful": 61,098
As Miller stated in his essay, it is not necessary to define beauty in any anecdotal sense, save saying that whatever necessary traits would be normally distributed among the population. Seeing as the traits which I would find to be "beautiful" are somewhat more common among the population of LDS women than would be those of most men, I will say that a woman possessing such traits would need to fall above one standard deviation above average. This gives a value of approximately 15.87% of the populous which hasn't already been eliminated.
...and intelligent: 1393
Seeing as my intelligence is somewhere between 3 and 6 standard deviations above average, I would suppose that, in order to have any measure of happiness with a particular woman, she would need to also be at least 2 standard deviations above average in terms of intelligence. This gives a value of 2.28% of the population.
...and not already married: 418
Citing the same survey by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life, approximately 70% of Latter-day Saints are married. These numbers might not be entirely homogenous between genders, but in all honesty, from what I've seen of Mormons, it seems about right.
...who are also interested in me: 66
For this calculation, I assumed that I was about 1 standard deviation below average in traits which LDS women find attractive. This is probably somewhat of a conservative assumption on my part considering that I'm a non-RM, Enginerd with mommy issues. In all reality this is probably somewhere between 1 and 2 standard deviations, but I'm giving myself the benefit of the doubt. As already mentioned 1 standard deviation gives a value of 15.87%.
Since it will general be quite apparent which people are LDS, English-speaking women who live in developed countries, I will take my base population pool out of 384,993 women. As was mentioned by Miller in his essay, the one of the best ways to get to know a potential partner is with a pre-planned activity which will generally occur about once a week; generally on weekends. (If you can't tell, I'm trying to avoid using the d-word.) If one of these occasions was to happen every week, it would take 5833 weeks or 112 years before I could be guaranteed to find a woman with whom I'd be mutually compatible. At the current rate of one of these encounters every 6 months, it would be in the neighborhood of 2917 years. So, I suppose that my odds of finding "The One" or perhaps, "One of the Sixty and Six" aren't very good in this life... and to tell you the truth, the millenium isn't looking too sure either. :P
Why I Will Never Have a Girlfriend
Reading this first will make this blag post make much, much more sense.
So inspired by the essay posted by one Tristan Miller, I have decided to do my own statistical analysis which addresses my perpetually single status. Unlike his essay, however, this post will be slightly less empirical with a few more anecdotal assumptions thrown in. The primary difference will be related to Miller's analysis of age groups which I found to be rather questionable. Thus, I will endeavor to make some more baseline assumptions concerning age groups.
Membership of the LDS Church (as of December 31st 2008): 13,508,509
Unlike Miller's essay, I will start off with a somewhat smaller demographic. Since I am Latter-day Saint myself, and therefore have a high standard of morals and virtue as well as a desire to be married no other place than an LDS temple, this is a proper way in which to start.
...who are active: 10,266,467
According to the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life, the activity rates of church members is around 76%. I have certain doubts that this number is quite this high (since these were self-identified) , but in this scenario it is a conservative estimate, so I will go with it.
...who are female: 5,133,233
Here I made the basic assumption that half of Latter-day Saints are female. There have been certain reports which have shown that it's more like 52-55%, but this would be a very specific assumption to make for such a broad problem as this. Thus I used a standard 50-50 ratio.
...who live in developed nations: 2,566,616
Like Tristan Miller, I have no plans of living in India or Outer Kreplakistan, so limiting potential mates to residents of North America, Canada, English Speaking Europe, and Australia. It is estimated that approximately 46% of LDS church members live in the US and Canada. I will also lump in with this the idea that any woman who I would want to have a romantic relationship with would also have to speak fluent English. Along these lines I'm assuming that about half of LDS women are English speakers who live in developed nations.
...who are (as of 2009) 18 to 25 years old: 384,993
In his essay, Miller ends up with about 10% of the populous which had not already been eliminated being with the proper bounds of age. I think that this is somewhere in the neighborhood, however I'd be will to bet that the distribution of ages of women listed are somewhat more right-skewed than he supposed, giving closer to 12-15% of women in the proper range. I have thus chosen a more conservative value of 15% of women who would be in the appropriate age range. It is also helpful to note that I am the exact same age now as Miller was when he composed this essay, which makes the transition quite simple.
...who are "beautiful": 61,098
As Miller stated in his essay, it is not necessary to define beauty in any anecdotal sense, save saying that whatever necessary traits would be normally distributed among the population. Seeing as the traits which I would find to be "beautiful" are somewhat more common among the population of LDS women than would be those of most men, I will say that a woman possessing such traits would need to fall above one standard deviation above average. This gives a value of approximately 15.87% of the populous which hasn't already been eliminated.
...and intelligent: 1393
Seeing as my intelligence is somewhere between 3 and 6 standard deviations above average, I would suppose that, in order to have any measure of happiness with a particular woman, she would need to also be at least 2 standard deviations above average in terms of intelligence. This gives a value of 2.28% of the population.
...and not already married: 418
Citing the same survey by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life, approximately 70% of Latter-day Saints are married. These numbers might not be entirely homogenous between genders, but in all honesty, from what I've seen of Mormons, it seems about right.
...who are also interested in me: 66
For this calculation, I assumed that I was about 1 standard deviation below average in traits which LDS women find attractive. This is probably somewhat of a conservative assumption on my part considering that I'm a non-RM, Enginerd with mommy issues. In all reality this is probably somewhere between 1 and 2 standard deviations, but I'm giving myself the benefit of the doubt. As already mentioned 1 standard deviation gives a value of 15.87%.
Since it will general be quite apparent which people are LDS, English-speaking women who live in developed countries, I will take my base population pool out of 384,993 women. As was mentioned by Miller in his essay, the one of the best ways to get to know a potential partner is with a pre-planned activity which will generally occur about once a week; generally on weekends. (If you can't tell, I'm trying to avoid using the d-word.) If one of these occasions was to happen every week, it would take 5833 weeks or 112 years before I could be guaranteed to find a woman with whom I'd be mutually compatible. At the current rate of one of these encounters every 6 months, it would be in the neighborhood of 2917 years. So, I suppose that my odds of finding "The One" or perhaps, "One of the Sixty and Six" aren't very good in this life... and to tell you the truth, the millenium isn't looking too sure either. :P
Monday, October 12, 2009
Boo Metric, Hooray Beer!
Let me just state as a disclaimer first of all that the purpose of this post is not to somehow prove that the US Customary system of measurement is superior to the Système International d'Unites. Au contraire, my goal is to express my opinions as to why the metric system is not necessarily superior to US Customary units.
I should start off by saying that I truly despise those "metric purists" who were born as Americans, but somehow, due to their exposure to academic idealists, have turned into metrosexual Frenchmen prancing around speaking of how nice the weather is when it's 15 degrees out. I can understand if you're from a country that uses metric as its primary system of measure and actually have an anecdotal mindset about what metric values mean, that's all good. But if you're just an invertibrate who follows whatever your professors tell you, you should act like the lemming that you are and jump off a cliff.
The most compelling evidence that I've found in my own experience as an engineering major that the metric system is not particularly superior to US customary units is that the frequency of error is reduced only marginally and the magnitude of error is increased drastically. Due to the ease of using a decimal system in metric, there are some errors which are prevented by use of the metric system. These errors, I've found, are generally made by those who are not paying an incredibly great amount of attention to what they are doing and could often be prevented by more careful analysis. The tradeoff here is that when errors are made in the metric system (and trust me, they are) they are often of much greater magnitude than they would be under the US customary system. I've frequently said that with US customary units errors are generally on the order of a factor of 2-4, while errors made while using the metric system are by factors of 2-4 orders of magnitude, or 100-10000.
To put this in a little bit of perspective, I'll use the anology of structural engineering. Let's say that there's an office building which is supposed to sustain a load of 500 kips or 2.22 MN of force is to be designed. Naturally this building would hold plenty of people and property which is of great worth. Let us now suppose that an error in calulation has been made while using US customary units such that the engineers suppose that the building will only need to sustain 167 kips of force, an error of about 3x. Structural engineers often used what is known as a "safety factor" which essentially multplies the calculated values for load, stress, etc by a set value in order to prevent failure in the case of error. These safety factors are generally between 1.5 and 5 depending on the project. For something like an office building, a factor of about 2.5 would probably be used. As you can probably see, this safety factor will not entirely accomodate for the error in calculation, however, depending on the material, this structure would remain safe for long enough to remove all persons and all essential property, and would probably stand long enough to be demolished and rebuilt.
Now let's assume that the same structure was designed using metric units and a very simple error which is common amonst undergrads is made of saying the building will support 2.22 kN instead of 2.22 MN. In this case, a safety factor has no chance of redeeming the error made by this engineer. The most likely situation is that this structure would collapse while still under construction and kill a relatively few construction workers who were on-site at the time. The worst-case scenario would be that it is able to sustain the dead loading of its own weight, but not able to sustain the live loading of people and furniture, which would indeed be tragic.
At this point you're probably thinking of submitting a comment that reads, "Well William, if the metric system is so inferior in this particular aspect, why aren't buildings collapsing all over Europe and Canada?" And you would be justified, because the failure rates of buildings are very low both in and outside the US. As I already mentioned, the simplicity of the decimal system used in metric helps to moderate both the number and severity of errors which are made. In addition, those who have lived all their lives under the metric system tend to be more proficient than American undergrads who just like the metric system because it requires less mental effort. Finally, I would submit that structural engineers are very good at what they do. These problems are checked and rechecked for accuracy and precision before they are ever submitted to be built.
I submit to you that there is at least one gaping hole in the supposed perfection of the metric system. The magnitude of error which can occur when using metric units is just one piece of evidence that the metric system is not universally superior to US customary units, or any other system of measure.
I should start off by saying that I truly despise those "metric purists" who were born as Americans, but somehow, due to their exposure to academic idealists, have turned into metrosexual Frenchmen prancing around speaking of how nice the weather is when it's 15 degrees out. I can understand if you're from a country that uses metric as its primary system of measure and actually have an anecdotal mindset about what metric values mean, that's all good. But if you're just an invertibrate who follows whatever your professors tell you, you should act like the lemming that you are and jump off a cliff.
The most compelling evidence that I've found in my own experience as an engineering major that the metric system is not particularly superior to US customary units is that the frequency of error is reduced only marginally and the magnitude of error is increased drastically. Due to the ease of using a decimal system in metric, there are some errors which are prevented by use of the metric system. These errors, I've found, are generally made by those who are not paying an incredibly great amount of attention to what they are doing and could often be prevented by more careful analysis. The tradeoff here is that when errors are made in the metric system (and trust me, they are) they are often of much greater magnitude than they would be under the US customary system. I've frequently said that with US customary units errors are generally on the order of a factor of 2-4, while errors made while using the metric system are by factors of 2-4 orders of magnitude, or 100-10000.
To put this in a little bit of perspective, I'll use the anology of structural engineering. Let's say that there's an office building which is supposed to sustain a load of 500 kips or 2.22 MN of force is to be designed. Naturally this building would hold plenty of people and property which is of great worth. Let us now suppose that an error in calulation has been made while using US customary units such that the engineers suppose that the building will only need to sustain 167 kips of force, an error of about 3x. Structural engineers often used what is known as a "safety factor" which essentially multplies the calculated values for load, stress, etc by a set value in order to prevent failure in the case of error. These safety factors are generally between 1.5 and 5 depending on the project. For something like an office building, a factor of about 2.5 would probably be used. As you can probably see, this safety factor will not entirely accomodate for the error in calculation, however, depending on the material, this structure would remain safe for long enough to remove all persons and all essential property, and would probably stand long enough to be demolished and rebuilt.
Now let's assume that the same structure was designed using metric units and a very simple error which is common amonst undergrads is made of saying the building will support 2.22 kN instead of 2.22 MN. In this case, a safety factor has no chance of redeeming the error made by this engineer. The most likely situation is that this structure would collapse while still under construction and kill a relatively few construction workers who were on-site at the time. The worst-case scenario would be that it is able to sustain the dead loading of its own weight, but not able to sustain the live loading of people and furniture, which would indeed be tragic.
At this point you're probably thinking of submitting a comment that reads, "Well William, if the metric system is so inferior in this particular aspect, why aren't buildings collapsing all over Europe and Canada?" And you would be justified, because the failure rates of buildings are very low both in and outside the US. As I already mentioned, the simplicity of the decimal system used in metric helps to moderate both the number and severity of errors which are made. In addition, those who have lived all their lives under the metric system tend to be more proficient than American undergrads who just like the metric system because it requires less mental effort. Finally, I would submit that structural engineers are very good at what they do. These problems are checked and rechecked for accuracy and precision before they are ever submitted to be built.
I submit to you that there is at least one gaping hole in the supposed perfection of the metric system. The magnitude of error which can occur when using metric units is just one piece of evidence that the metric system is not universally superior to US customary units, or any other system of measure.
Friday, October 9, 2009
It's Been a While
So, I've decided that it's been a long while since I sat down and wrote a good, old fashioned, song parody. So I did. :D. I've always thought that the band "Green Day" had a good sound, which is generally good enough to sell a bunch of records, however I'm the type of guy who likes to actually listen to the lyrics of songs. (What a concept, right?) I'd tell you why I dislike Green Day's music, but I think the parody song that I wrote says it much better. :D
"Hate America"
What Green Day Really Wants to Say.
Composed by William White
Parody of "Know Your Enemy"
Do you hate America?
Do you hate America?
You're gonna hate America. wah hey!
Do you hate America?
Do you hate America?
You're gonna hate America. wah hey!
Do you hate America?
Do you hate America?
You're gonna hate America. wah hey!
Morals like your charity,
They're such a rarity;
Why must you cause this parity? wah hey!
Prudence is an atrophy,
On all humanity,
Practiced in a bland sobriety!
We rise up in our stridency,
Against democracy,
To give the foreign terrorists control!
Do you hate America?
Do you hate America?
You're gonna hate America. wah hey!
Do you hate America?
Do you hate America?
You're gonna hate America. wah hey!
Really commies in disguise,
With our hair over our eyes,
We'll bring America to its demise!
Well, morals are a rarity, oh ay, oh ay,
Well, life is the eternity, oh ay, oh ay,
Well, prudence is an atrophy, oh ay, oh ay,
So rise up in your stridency and gimme gimme autocracy!
Do you hate America?
Do you hate America?
You're gonna hate America. wah hey!
Do you hate America?
Do you hate America?
You're gonna hate America. wah hey!
Do you hate America?
Do you hate America?
You're gonna hate America. wah hey!
Prudence is an atrophy,
On all humanity,
Practiced in a bland sobriety!
We rise up in our stridency,
Against democracy,
To give the foreign terrorists control!
What Green Day Really Wants to Say.
Composed by William White
Parody of "Know Your Enemy"
Do you hate America?
Do you hate America?
You're gonna hate America. wah hey!
Do you hate America?
Do you hate America?
You're gonna hate America. wah hey!
Do you hate America?
Do you hate America?
You're gonna hate America. wah hey!
Morals like your charity,
They're such a rarity;
Why must you cause this parity? wah hey!
Prudence is an atrophy,
On all humanity,
Practiced in a bland sobriety!
We rise up in our stridency,
Against democracy,
To give the foreign terrorists control!
Do you hate America?
Do you hate America?
You're gonna hate America. wah hey!
Do you hate America?
Do you hate America?
You're gonna hate America. wah hey!
Really commies in disguise,
With our hair over our eyes,
We'll bring America to its demise!
Well, morals are a rarity, oh ay, oh ay,
Well, life is the eternity, oh ay, oh ay,
Well, prudence is an atrophy, oh ay, oh ay,
So rise up in your stridency and gimme gimme autocracy!
Do you hate America?
Do you hate America?
You're gonna hate America. wah hey!
Do you hate America?
Do you hate America?
You're gonna hate America. wah hey!
Do you hate America?
Do you hate America?
You're gonna hate America. wah hey!
Prudence is an atrophy,
On all humanity,
Practiced in a bland sobriety!
We rise up in our stridency,
Against democracy,
To give the foreign terrorists control!
Monday, October 5, 2009
The One You Wish Was the One
Over the past few weeks/months/...eh probably not years... I've found my heart in possession of a woman with whom I have somewhat regular companionship, yet not an incredibly deep relationship of any sort. This is most definitely nothing new to me. I've found that the 6th grade (for most people, more like the 8th for me ) has continued more or less indefinitely until the present day. I find myself applying an intricate methodology for assessing the desirability of a woman analytically. When I find one who scores high in my own mind it's only natural that I would want to make her mine. Yet, all this analysis has omitted one of if not the most important factors in building relationships, emotion. Thus there is total dissonance between the formulated desire to form a relationship and the actual entrance strategy. In more plain terms, my mind is telling me, "Heck yes, hit that!" and my heart is telling me, "Whoa, back off there cowboy, them's choppy waters up ahead." I'm not sure my analogy really worked there, but I'm going to run with it anyway.
So, back to the story with which I started this blag post. There's been one particular woman on whom I've been crushing on like a dirty, 6th grade n00b. In my own mind she's just perfect. She's about the kindest person on the face of the Earth. Our senses of humor are very compatible. She's at about the optimal height for a man of my height. She has a valiant testimony of the Lord. She has achieved an optimal physical attractiveness, one which attracts me very much to her, but doesn't result in a dudefest at her apartment every night. And the best part is that she makes me want to be a better man than I currently am, both with her example of testimony and with just the woman that she is. I suppose that we would make a very good (not to mention cute) couple. And thus I present to you my analysis.
The emotional side of my relationship with this woman is quite the contrast from the analysis which I just described. When I'm around this particular woman I feel like my shoulder devil is a full grown man and my shoulder angel is out to lunch. There seems to be a voice whispering in my ear, "William, you know that you don't deserve a woman who's made of pure awesome like this one." or "You couldn't even keep that woman entertained, much less happy... bwahahahaha!!!" (PS-I know who that voice is, I need no council there. I did call him my full-grown shoulder devil after all. :P) Looking at these claims analytically could and would disprove them, but there is little if any analytical cognition when in the presence of women made of 100% pure awesome, it's all emotion. And as long as the emotion reigns there seems to be my full grown... maybe even morbidly obese, shoulder devil there to deter me.
As previously touched upon, I'm not entirely sure what the solution to such a problem would be. I'm sure that with faith in the Lord all things are possible. I have faith that he will guide me and aid me in everything that I need to do. I've felt that he also wants me to struggle with such a trial as this in this life so that I might be able to learn valuable lessons about the gospel and the principles of exaltation and eternal increase. As such, it is up to me to decide when I am willing to make the necessary sacrifices to be able to overcome these trials with the Lord's help. Will this happen in a timetable which will allow me to woo the woman who currently holds my fancy? Probably not. Will it be worth it in the long run? Certainly.
So, back to the story with which I started this blag post. There's been one particular woman on whom I've been crushing on like a dirty, 6th grade n00b. In my own mind she's just perfect. She's about the kindest person on the face of the Earth. Our senses of humor are very compatible. She's at about the optimal height for a man of my height. She has a valiant testimony of the Lord. She has achieved an optimal physical attractiveness, one which attracts me very much to her, but doesn't result in a dudefest at her apartment every night. And the best part is that she makes me want to be a better man than I currently am, both with her example of testimony and with just the woman that she is. I suppose that we would make a very good (not to mention cute) couple. And thus I present to you my analysis.
The emotional side of my relationship with this woman is quite the contrast from the analysis which I just described. When I'm around this particular woman I feel like my shoulder devil is a full grown man and my shoulder angel is out to lunch. There seems to be a voice whispering in my ear, "William, you know that you don't deserve a woman who's made of pure awesome like this one." or "You couldn't even keep that woman entertained, much less happy... bwahahahaha!!!" (PS-I know who that voice is, I need no council there. I did call him my full-grown shoulder devil after all. :P) Looking at these claims analytically could and would disprove them, but there is little if any analytical cognition when in the presence of women made of 100% pure awesome, it's all emotion. And as long as the emotion reigns there seems to be my full grown... maybe even morbidly obese, shoulder devil there to deter me.
As previously touched upon, I'm not entirely sure what the solution to such a problem would be. I'm sure that with faith in the Lord all things are possible. I have faith that he will guide me and aid me in everything that I need to do. I've felt that he also wants me to struggle with such a trial as this in this life so that I might be able to learn valuable lessons about the gospel and the principles of exaltation and eternal increase. As such, it is up to me to decide when I am willing to make the necessary sacrifices to be able to overcome these trials with the Lord's help. Will this happen in a timetable which will allow me to woo the woman who currently holds my fancy? Probably not. Will it be worth it in the long run? Certainly.
Friday, September 25, 2009
A New Calling... Perhaps
It was probably about 6 months ago that I first happened upon a marvelous TV show on the Discovery Channel. This show was called "The Detonators," maybe you've heard of it, but since it hasn't been syndicated, you probably haven't. In this show, a camera crew follows around a crew of explosives engineers while one or two experts, and professors in the field of explosives engineering explain what they are doing. And what do these explosives engineers do you ask? They blow stuff up, of course! (Okay, you probably didn't actually ask that question.) In the course of the shows which I have viewed, these engineers have used various explosives to demolish structures like buildings, bridges, smokestacks, and the occasional car. XD. The most common structures which go the way of all the earth on this show are post-tensioned concrete buildings, bridges which span rivers, and any structure that's in a tight space. And if you're not entirely familiar with those concepts, that's okay; just know that they are right up the alley of one who will shorty hold a baccalaureate degree in civil engineering.
At this point, I probably need not mention that over the past few months I have found a great affinity for the concepts of demolition and explosives engineering. Though I do feel the need to mention that my desire to learn more about and even pursue a career in explosives engineering goes beyond the innate urge found in all human males to destroy things. I've recently heard a story about President Henry B. Eyring and his father Henry Eyring. When President Eyring was a young boy, his father had a chalkboard (which they had back then) in the family's basement on which he would have his children do advanced problems of mathematics and physics. He would often gather in his family on Friday nights for all of them to do just that (if my dad had done that, I would have gone on many more dates :P ). One week, President Eyring's father asked him if he had any ideas for the solution to the problem on which they had been working the previous week. When President Eyring admitted that he had made no progress on the problem his father asked him:
"Haven't you been thinking about this problem during the week?"
"No, I have not." he admitted.
"Then you should get out of physics. You should do something that you are passionate enough about that you think about it when you don't have to think about anything at all."
And thus it is with me and the whole of civil engineering. I think about it even when I don't have to think about anything at all. It is most noticible in my mind when I am walking down the street and think about all of the analysis and design that had to go into the street itself and virtually everything surrounding it. Heck, civil engineers even design the dirt... THE DIRT that the road sits on!!! I have recently found that demolition and explosives engineering is even more applicable to this priciple because it combines two separate things that I like to think about when I don't have to think about anything: structures and blowing stuff up.
As far as higher education goes, it would be only a minor adjustment in order to get a degree that would help me greatly in the demolition industry. The Missouri University of Science and Technology in Rolla, Missouri would be the place to go. There prospective explosives engineers can work under Dr. Paul Worsey who one of the world's foremost experts in explosives engineering and is on of the experts featured on the show which I mentioned at the top of this entry. :)
A little while back I called my dad and presented this idea to him. I wondered beforehand how he feel about a somewhat abrupt change in career path, and was sure that he'd be in at least some measure pessimistic. When I was done explaining to him basically what I've told you in this entry, he said to me, "Dang William, that's a really good idea, I think you should do it. As your mother always likes to say, 'Gary all you taught William to do was destory stuff!' It would be supremely fitting for you to go into such a career field." At this point, I'm not totally decided on this particular career path, but I've decided that I absolutely must keep this open as an option. It might just end up being my calling in life... maybe. :D
PS-I wanted to share a related video, but Discovery seems to have NSA-esque security around imbedding it, so I'll just leave the link.
http://dsc.discovery.com/videos/the-detonators-being-a-blaster.html
At this point, I probably need not mention that over the past few months I have found a great affinity for the concepts of demolition and explosives engineering. Though I do feel the need to mention that my desire to learn more about and even pursue a career in explosives engineering goes beyond the innate urge found in all human males to destroy things. I've recently heard a story about President Henry B. Eyring and his father Henry Eyring. When President Eyring was a young boy, his father had a chalkboard (which they had back then) in the family's basement on which he would have his children do advanced problems of mathematics and physics. He would often gather in his family on Friday nights for all of them to do just that (if my dad had done that, I would have gone on many more dates :P ). One week, President Eyring's father asked him if he had any ideas for the solution to the problem on which they had been working the previous week. When President Eyring admitted that he had made no progress on the problem his father asked him:
"Haven't you been thinking about this problem during the week?"
"No, I have not." he admitted.
"Then you should get out of physics. You should do something that you are passionate enough about that you think about it when you don't have to think about anything at all."
And thus it is with me and the whole of civil engineering. I think about it even when I don't have to think about anything at all. It is most noticible in my mind when I am walking down the street and think about all of the analysis and design that had to go into the street itself and virtually everything surrounding it. Heck, civil engineers even design the dirt... THE DIRT that the road sits on!!! I have recently found that demolition and explosives engineering is even more applicable to this priciple because it combines two separate things that I like to think about when I don't have to think about anything: structures and blowing stuff up.
As far as higher education goes, it would be only a minor adjustment in order to get a degree that would help me greatly in the demolition industry. The Missouri University of Science and Technology in Rolla, Missouri would be the place to go. There prospective explosives engineers can work under Dr. Paul Worsey who one of the world's foremost experts in explosives engineering and is on of the experts featured on the show which I mentioned at the top of this entry. :)
A little while back I called my dad and presented this idea to him. I wondered beforehand how he feel about a somewhat abrupt change in career path, and was sure that he'd be in at least some measure pessimistic. When I was done explaining to him basically what I've told you in this entry, he said to me, "Dang William, that's a really good idea, I think you should do it. As your mother always likes to say, 'Gary all you taught William to do was destory stuff!' It would be supremely fitting for you to go into such a career field." At this point, I'm not totally decided on this particular career path, but I've decided that I absolutely must keep this open as an option. It might just end up being my calling in life... maybe. :D
PS-I wanted to share a related video, but Discovery seems to have NSA-esque security around imbedding it, so I'll just leave the link.
http://dsc.discovery.com/videos/the-detonators-being-a-blaster.html
Saturday, September 12, 2009
We Get No Respect
Yesterday, as I was casually perusing ESPN.com as I often do, I stumbled across a sportsnation poll that royally pissed me off, for lack of any more satisfactory vocabulary. This poll simply asked, "Which Conference is Better?" and listed two choices, the Atlantic Coast Conference (ACC) and the Mountain West Conference. In my mind, the results were appalling. It showed that nearly 60% of the voting populous had selected the ACC as being a better conference than the Mountain West.Now let me put this into a little bit of perspective. My two favorite teams in college football are the Brigham Young Cougars and the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets. Seeing as these teams are split between the ACC and Mountian West, I figure I've done enough following of each conference to give informed commentary on either.
That being said, let me say that this ESPN Sportsnation poll is bull$h*7. Anyone who payed even the slightest attention to NCAA football during the first week of the season should be able to see that fairly clearly. Let's review the results of the ACC's week 1 games:
South Carolina-7, NC State-3: North Carolina State barely shows up against one of the SEC's more beatable teams and is totally shut down.
Georgia Tech-37, Jacksonville State -17: I'm not going to say too many bad things about the Yellow Jackets, but last year Utah State fans were chanting "overrated" when BYU only beat them by 20 points... I think the same principle applies here.
Boston College-54, Northeastern-0: This is exactly what should have happened, props to BC for being a standout in an otherwise mediocre conference.
Baylor-24, Wake Forest-21: Do you know how many games Baylor has won over the past five years? Epic fail, Wake.
North Carolina-40, Citadel-6: UNC gets zero props for beating a team that hasn't won against a FBS team in uh... how many years?
Clemson-37, Middle Tenessee State-14: Clemson allowed 14 points to MIDDLE TENESSEE STATE... I think I've made my point.
William & Mary-26, Virginia-14: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... I think this is Exhibit A of my point.
Richmond-24, Duke-16: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... Exhibit B
Alabama-34, Virginia Tech-24: Virginia Tech played a good game, and is undoubtedly the cream of this lackluster crop, but was ultimately outplayed and outlasted by a better team.
Miami-38, Florida State-34: An in-conference game that, while fun to watch, doesn't really apply to my point here.
The two most notable stats that I would like to point out here are that the ACC was 4-2 against FCS teams, with two of those wins being mostly unimpressive; and a whopping 0-3 against schools from other automatic qualifying conferences. (0-2 v. SEC and 0-1 v. Big XII)
Now, let us recap the Mountain West's week 1 performances:
Utah-35, Utah State-17: An unpredicatable rivalry game that resulted in a moderately impressive victory for Utah.
Air Force-72, Nicholls State-0: A thorough pounding of a no-name FCS school is exactly what one would expect from schools in an elite conference.
Wyoming-29, Weber State-22: The buttcrack of the Mountain West managed to irk out a win against an FCS school... I'm looking at you Virginia.
Brigham Young-14, Oklahoma-13: A hard-fought, physical victory and upset of the #3 ranked Sooners was landmark for this program and the conference.
Texas A&M-41, New Mexico-6: In a heavy rebuilding year for New Mexico, no one expected much from them against Texas A&M... and they delivered.
UCLA-33, San Diego State-14: Considering how bad this SDSU program has been over the past few years, scoring two touchdowns against as legitmate of opponent as UCLA is an accomplishment.
UNLV-38, Sacramento State-3: Domination on both sides of the ball from beginning to end by the team that should win.
Colorado State-23, Colorado-17: An in-state, cross-conference rivalry game that was well coached and well played on the part of the Colorado State Rams.
Now the same stats for the Mountain West are 3-0 against FCS teams and 2-2 against automatic qualifying teams (2-1 v. Big XII, 0-1 v. Pac-10)
Now as you can see, the Mountain West and ACC have not yet played any head-to-head matchups, which would very much help to determine which conference is "better". But don't be too discouraged, because on this very day Texas Christain will play Virginia in Charlottesville, a week from today, BYU will play Florida State in Provo, and in two weeks TCU will match up against Clemson in South Carolina. You can pretty much guarantee that TCU will trash a Virginia team that was defeated convincingly by an FCS foe last week. In the next two weeks the class of the Mountain West will go up against the upper echelons of the ACC, and it will be then that we will see which conference prevails.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Extrapolation
So, based on the first week of classes, this is about how I figure that each of my classes is going to go:
CE En 321, Structural Analysis: This class is going to be a whole lot of fun and yet very challenging at the same time. Thus far I've enjoyed the review of statics and look forward to learning four other methods for analyzing structures. As already stated this class has been mostly review thus far and will continue to be through the first test... then the real challenge begins.
CE En 305A, Metals, Woods, and Composites: This class would be pretty awesome if it wasn't taught by the man to whom I loving refer as "Dr. Dumb@$$". He surely knows his stuff about metals, woods, and composites, but not ordering the textbook until 3 days before class starts, not giving us a syllabus, and not organizing the homework... pretty much at all has led to the title that has become infamous in my own mind.
CE En 305B, Aggregates: This will be class 1 of 2 in my major that deals entirely with concrete. It doesn't start until the second block of the semester, October 21st, so I'll make more commentary when that time comes.
CE En 562, Traffic Engineering: After taking CE En 461, Geometric Highway Design in the spring from Dr. Saito, I pretty much know what to expect from his classes. I hope that this class will really take me beyond the basics of transportation engineering and really get into the core principles and "deep doctrine" if you will of what kind of problems transportation engineers solve daily.
Bio 100, Principles of Biology: All I can say is "hahahahahahahahahahaha" XD This class is a freakin' joke. On Wednesday, we spent the whole class watching a movie. I haven't watched a movie in class since my freakin' junior year of high school. And the best part is that there was nothing due afterward! I freakin' love n00b classes!!!
Rel C 234, LDS Marriage and Family: In the first week of this class I've found that it's about much more than getting you hitched to the first random woman you find on campus. In the now immortal words of my father, "William, I'm glad that you're taking that class, because you certainly didn't learn anything about healthy or effective relationships living in our home!"
Bus M 380, Executive Lectures: As the name implies, there will be big corporate executives that come and give us lectures about business and such. Thus far, I suppose that this course will give me valuable insights into my new-found career aspiration of becoming a CEO. ;)
CE En 300A, Stupid Seminar: Same stupid thing on the same stupid day, at the same stupid time, with the same stupid rules and requirements, and the same stupid people who really don't want to be there... Why? Because it's STUPID!!! PS-I am the king of the comma splice. :D
All in all, I think this semester is going to be good fun. There will surely be some challenging times. Structures tests, staying up until 3am to finish 305 lab reports, passing out in Bio because I'm just not used to 7 women all sitting next to me while wearing half a gallon of perfume... but I think that, in the end, I will be content with my courses for this semester. :)
CE En 321, Structural Analysis: This class is going to be a whole lot of fun and yet very challenging at the same time. Thus far I've enjoyed the review of statics and look forward to learning four other methods for analyzing structures. As already stated this class has been mostly review thus far and will continue to be through the first test... then the real challenge begins.
CE En 305A, Metals, Woods, and Composites: This class would be pretty awesome if it wasn't taught by the man to whom I loving refer as "Dr. Dumb@$$". He surely knows his stuff about metals, woods, and composites, but not ordering the textbook until 3 days before class starts, not giving us a syllabus, and not organizing the homework... pretty much at all has led to the title that has become infamous in my own mind.
CE En 305B, Aggregates: This will be class 1 of 2 in my major that deals entirely with concrete. It doesn't start until the second block of the semester, October 21st, so I'll make more commentary when that time comes.
CE En 562, Traffic Engineering: After taking CE En 461, Geometric Highway Design in the spring from Dr. Saito, I pretty much know what to expect from his classes. I hope that this class will really take me beyond the basics of transportation engineering and really get into the core principles and "deep doctrine" if you will of what kind of problems transportation engineers solve daily.
Bio 100, Principles of Biology: All I can say is "hahahahahahahahahahaha" XD This class is a freakin' joke. On Wednesday, we spent the whole class watching a movie. I haven't watched a movie in class since my freakin' junior year of high school. And the best part is that there was nothing due afterward! I freakin' love n00b classes!!!
Rel C 234, LDS Marriage and Family: In the first week of this class I've found that it's about much more than getting you hitched to the first random woman you find on campus. In the now immortal words of my father, "William, I'm glad that you're taking that class, because you certainly didn't learn anything about healthy or effective relationships living in our home!"
Bus M 380, Executive Lectures: As the name implies, there will be big corporate executives that come and give us lectures about business and such. Thus far, I suppose that this course will give me valuable insights into my new-found career aspiration of becoming a CEO. ;)
CE En 300A, Stupid Seminar: Same stupid thing on the same stupid day, at the same stupid time, with the same stupid rules and requirements, and the same stupid people who really don't want to be there... Why? Because it's STUPID!!! PS-I am the king of the comma splice. :D
All in all, I think this semester is going to be good fun. There will surely be some challenging times. Structures tests, staying up until 3am to finish 305 lab reports, passing out in Bio because I'm just not used to 7 women all sitting next to me while wearing half a gallon of perfume... but I think that, in the end, I will be content with my courses for this semester. :)
Friday, August 21, 2009
In Order to Optimize our Stalking Capabilities.
I just thought it was really cool that Google gave me the html code to imbed my calendar onto my blag. And if you want to use it to stalk me, that's cool too. :D
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Making Life Difficult...
So, today I went dirt bike riding for probably the last time on my KDX 200 that I've had for about 5 years. You know what the sad part is? I sustained the second worst dirt bike riding injury, and definitely the most severe while riding the KDX, not that that's saying much. (The most severe being the collar bone I snapped in half while riding my dad's XR 250R.) Anywho, I'm not entirely sure what this injury is (I'm not going to a doctor, eph that. :P ) but my best theory is that it's a mildly sprained left thumb.
Now, in the past I've joked around about breaking people's thumbs if they weren't to pay me money that they owed me, but this injury has me rethinking such a proposition. Just in the past few hours I've found that there are a whole host of things that are very difficult to do with only one thumb. Some of these include:
Riding a dirt bike (duh!)
Firing a rifle
Opening a bottle
Buckling a seatbelt
Disassembling a Glock*
Unbuttoning a pair of jeans
Buttoning a pair of jeans
Tying shoes
Driving
Handling a DVD
Opening a bottle of pain medication for a sprained thumb
Drying oneself off after getting out of the shower
Opening a sandwich bag
Giving two thumbs up (yeah, should have thought that one through better)
Turning pages in a book/magazine
Washing one's hands
Text, OMG!
...and the list goes on and on. I guess at this point, for really the first time in my life, I'm truly grateful to be right-handed, if I wasn't I'd be truly ephed. And as you can see, a sprained left thumb isn't going to keep me or any other righty from furiously typing anytime soon. ;)
*Requires 10 very strong fingers.
Now, in the past I've joked around about breaking people's thumbs if they weren't to pay me money that they owed me, but this injury has me rethinking such a proposition. Just in the past few hours I've found that there are a whole host of things that are very difficult to do with only one thumb. Some of these include:
Riding a dirt bike (duh!)
Firing a rifle
Opening a bottle
Buckling a seatbelt
Disassembling a Glock*
Unbuttoning a pair of jeans
Buttoning a pair of jeans
Tying shoes
Driving
Handling a DVD
Opening a bottle of pain medication for a sprained thumb
Drying oneself off after getting out of the shower
Opening a sandwich bag
Giving two thumbs up (yeah, should have thought that one through better)
Turning pages in a book/magazine
Washing one's hands
Text, OMG!
...and the list goes on and on. I guess at this point, for really the first time in my life, I'm truly grateful to be right-handed, if I wasn't I'd be truly ephed. And as you can see, a sprained left thumb isn't going to keep me or any other righty from furiously typing anytime soon. ;)
*Requires 10 very strong fingers.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Top 10 --> Jesus/BYU Women
I came up with this one a while back, but suddenly felt the need to share it here.
The Top Ten Reasons why BYU women wouldn't date Jesus
(According to William White)
10. Facial Hair-Nothing screams apostasy like a full beard.
9. He didn't earn his "Duty to God" certificate.
8. ...or his Eagle Scout.
7. ...nor did he graduate seminary.
6. He's too old-Either 33 or 2009 years old, depending on how you look at it.
5. He's too nice of a guy-"It was so great of him to save my everlasting soul... I don't want to ruin that with a relationship."
4. He doesn't have a car-"You want me to walk to campus in THESE HEELS?!?!?!"
3. Her roommate still loves him-"I just don't want to feel like I'm sharing you with Alisa."
2. He doesn't have enough earning potential-"You're a carpenter? You speak really good Aramaic for a Mexican!"
1. He's not an RM-"Where'd you serve your mission again?... They don't have a mission in Jerusalem!"
The Top Ten Reasons why BYU women wouldn't date Jesus
(According to William White)
10. Facial Hair-Nothing screams apostasy like a full beard.
9. He didn't earn his "Duty to God" certificate.
8. ...or his Eagle Scout.
7. ...nor did he graduate seminary.
6. He's too old-Either 33 or 2009 years old, depending on how you look at it.
5. He's too nice of a guy-"It was so great of him to save my everlasting soul... I don't want to ruin that with a relationship."
4. He doesn't have a car-"You want me to walk to campus in THESE HEELS?!?!?!"
3. Her roommate still loves him-"I just don't want to feel like I'm sharing you with Alisa."
2. He doesn't have enough earning potential-"You're a carpenter? You speak really good Aramaic for a Mexican!"
1. He's not an RM-"Where'd you serve your mission again?... They don't have a mission in Jerusalem!"
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Memoirs
Recently I've been thinking about what would make a good title for my memoirs. What title could I give that would summarize the advice I would pass on to my posterity. After some not-so-serious thought, here's some of what I've come up with:
"A Series of Unfortunate Dudefests"-[See Post Titled "Source of the Title"]
"How to Attract Women"-An in-detail chronologue of the exact opposite of everything I ever did.
"Lies My Mother Told Me"-These would include, "William, your father is a prick!", and "William, I'm gonna find that little Japanese girl that's been stalking you."
"Non-RMs are People Too... and Other Bull$h*7 You Wish Was True"-The trials of being a part of Mormon doctrine without being a part of Mormon culture.
"D4mM17 William, You Spilt the Motherephing Gravy!"-Actual quote from my dad. XD
"My Talent is Making Analogies About Balls"-Imagine this being said in an Elders' Quorum 'introduce everybody' thing.
"Sometimes the Crap Falls off the Paper Plate."-Making the best...and worst of lifes hard times... redneck style.
"Call Me a Massage THErapist"-My theory on how a man can be a misogynist without being a sexist or a chauvenist... PS-If you don't get this one, it's okay. It only makes sense in my head.
"The Least Interesting Man in the World"-[See Post "The Least Interesting Man in the World"]
"The Engineer Assumed a Safety Factor of 2"-At some point you just realize that you've got 'The Knack.'
"Enlarge Your Penis Just by Reading this Book!"-Only if I wanted to make a bunch of money then go straight to hell when I die... A good alternative would be to become a lawyer.
"I Kissed a Girl... And I Liked It!"-Two actually! It'd totally be worth paying royalties to Katie Perry.
"I Did Not Have Sexual Relations with that Woman."-Because I didn't! I guarantee it! Would I get sued by Bill Clinton? Yes. How would I deal with that problem? I would insure that all the groupie rights went straight to Slick Willy... 'cause we all know Bill's just in it for the nookie.
What's the moral of this blog post? If I ever tell you that I'm going to write my memoirs, I want you to backslap me and ask inquisitively, "You mean, 'Enlarge Your Penis Just by Reading this Book!'? Don't be a dumb@$$!"
"A Series of Unfortunate Dudefests"-[See Post Titled "Source of the Title"]
"How to Attract Women"-An in-detail chronologue of the exact opposite of everything I ever did.
"Lies My Mother Told Me"-These would include, "William, your father is a prick!", and "William, I'm gonna find that little Japanese girl that's been stalking you."
"Non-RMs are People Too... and Other Bull$h*7 You Wish Was True"-The trials of being a part of Mormon doctrine without being a part of Mormon culture.
"D4mM17 William, You Spilt the Motherephing Gravy!"-Actual quote from my dad. XD
"My Talent is Making Analogies About Balls"-Imagine this being said in an Elders' Quorum 'introduce everybody' thing.
"Sometimes the Crap Falls off the Paper Plate."-Making the best...and worst of lifes hard times... redneck style.
"Call Me a Massage THErapist"-My theory on how a man can be a misogynist without being a sexist or a chauvenist... PS-If you don't get this one, it's okay. It only makes sense in my head.
"The Least Interesting Man in the World"-[See Post "The Least Interesting Man in the World"]
"The Engineer Assumed a Safety Factor of 2"-At some point you just realize that you've got 'The Knack.'
"Enlarge Your Penis Just by Reading this Book!"-Only if I wanted to make a bunch of money then go straight to hell when I die... A good alternative would be to become a lawyer.
"I Kissed a Girl... And I Liked It!"-Two actually! It'd totally be worth paying royalties to Katie Perry.
"I Did Not Have Sexual Relations with that Woman."-Because I didn't! I guarantee it! Would I get sued by Bill Clinton? Yes. How would I deal with that problem? I would insure that all the groupie rights went straight to Slick Willy... 'cause we all know Bill's just in it for the nookie.
What's the moral of this blog post? If I ever tell you that I'm going to write my memoirs, I want you to backslap me and ask inquisitively, "You mean, 'Enlarge Your Penis Just by Reading this Book!'? Don't be a dumb@$$!"
Thursday, July 30, 2009
The Evidence Just Keeps Pouring In
Over the past few days... or weeks... or months... I haven't really kept track actually, I've been noticing more and more evidence that I am completely off of my rocker insane. In this entry, I will present some of this new-found evidence to you.
Exhibit A-I've recently decided that I would like to pursue a Management (aka Business Management) minor. After all, even the most valuable engineering knowledge doesn't do you any good without knowledge of how the world and world markets work. Additionally, it's really good for the resume in such a volatile economy... And I just kinda want to be like Catbert and/or Dogbert from the Dilbert cartoons... with a little bit of Wally mixed in. :D
Exhibit A.1-I've decided that I'd like to complete the aforementioned minor in no more time than I had previously planned to obtain a BS in Civil Engineering with no minor. This means that I'll be taking such classes as: Structural Analysis, CE Materials, Traffic Engineering, Structural Steel Design, Soil Mechanics, Capstone, and Reinforced Concrete Design along with classes for the minor.
Exhibit A.2-This will mean that I will need to take 17.5 credit hours for both next fall and winter semesters as well as 7 for next spring and 9 for next summer. Since I haven't finished all my generals, this won't be as bad as it sounds on paper, and my GPA won't even necessarily have to suffer, but holy $h*7 I thought I had no free time before!
Exhibit B-After returning home and living again with my parents for about a month and a half, I've found that I have a burning and undeniable urge to go back to Provo. Yes, I said PROVO, P-R-O-V-O... Provo. I wish to return to the land of euphemisms, RMs, and NCMO for one sole reason... it's 500 miles away from my parents.
Exhibit C-Tonight I found myself reading my textbook for CE En 305 A/B-Civil Engineering Materials... just for shiggles. And the worst part about it was that I was actually entertained by it. I could have easily watched TV or played Mario Kart until my neurons started to leak out of my ears, but no... I found myself unable to put down the 2nd edition of "Materials for Civil and Construction Engineers."
Exhibit D-A lot of men joke about how they would prefer handguns to women... There are endless links to the same top 10 list that chronicles how "Handguns works correctly everyday of the month," and "You can buy a silencer for a handgun." But since I acquired Nikki [my Glock 17 (See entry titled "2 things")] I've found that I actually prefer her company to that of most women. I haven't quite gotten to level of having full conversations with her or sleeping with her in my bed... but it's headed that way.
Exhibit E-I've recently been thinking about names for my potential children that would be the most sadistic. Of course there's "Snow White" for a girl or "Off White" for either, but I knew I could do better than that. How about marrying a black woman and naming one of our kids "Half White?" That kid would legitimately hate me. I could name my kid after a species of quail "Bob White," and of course, his full name would have to be "Bobert." Or I could be a real douche and name my kid, first name: Black, middle name: And, last name: White. That kid would kill me in my sleep. But then there are also good sets of initials that I could give my children. I've thought about Jacob Ezekiel White. Then there would be Sarah Anne White. If one of my girls was really fat I could name her Corinne Olivia White... The list goes on and on.
I guess the jury's still out on my insanity, but I'm just saying, that at the rate I'm going, things aren't looking good. :)
Saturday, July 25, 2009
The Williams Skank Index
So far this Summer, I've been to more baseball games than I'd been to in about the 5 previous years combined. And in most any baseball game I've been to, I've found that there have been a plentitude of less-than-wholesome women. I don't know what it is about professional sporting events that brings out the hoes, but they are definitely there in adundance. Anywho, the point of this post is that I've recently noticed that not even all promiscuous, for lack of a better word, women are equally skanky. This has sprung a desire in me to be able to discern the disease-infested whore from the tattoo-on-the-small-of-the-back skand from the Mormon girl. And, in all honesty, I just don't think there's a good enough system established, so I think I'm going to establish one myself. I call it, The Williams Skank Index for Women. (I would have called in the White Index, but that sounds a little racist. ;)
So, I've decided that the Williams Skank Index should be a numerical scale ranging from 1 to 100. I originally considered a 1 to 10 scale, but I felt that more precision was necessary, and that it would be too easily confused with the 1-10 hotness scale. On this scale, 1 would be a minimum skankiness, 100 would be a maximum and 69 would be the maximum skankiness that would be appealing to an average, heterosexual man. The Williams Index would generally be based on outward appearance, but also incorporates certain aspects of personality. Additionally, the index is generally only applied to women in their 20s, but can be modified for older women... especially those who never outgrew their 20s skankiness. :o At this point, it would be a mostly subjective scale, with little or no methodology, but could be modified in the future to incorporate some methodology. This would most likely include something like a points system for certain, skanktastic attributes.
In order to give you a more full comprehension of the Williams Skank Index, I've included some examples of ratings and the type of woman, or a specific woman that would generally fit into such a category.
1-FLDS women, and the Amish: You see nothing but hands and face.
10-Your high school gym teacher: t-shirt and basketball shorts, no make up, pony tail... or maybe crew cut. :o
20-An average Mormon woman: Full coverage of chest and midriff, skirts and shorts below the knee, modest hair and make-up.
30-Woman generally in good taste: Perhaps a descending neckline, or a little bit of Britney Spears belly action, but mostly modest.
40-Every article of clothing this woman owns is skin-tight, and many even restrict her breathing. Halter-tops and booty shorts are common, but mostly devoid of piercings and tattoos. Make-up in good taste.
45-This is about where piercings other than ears and tattoos come into play. A staple of a woman in this range is the belly-button ring, but other piercings such as nose could also be in this range. Generally, only one tattoo or additional piercing is apparent at this level.
50-Bon qui qui from the Mad TV King Burger skit: At this point large quantities of make-up and hair product are being applied. Additionally, the tattoo on the small of the back is a big feature amongst this range of woman.
55-This is about where booty shorts and exposed thong straps rear their ugly heads. If it's more than about 70 degrees out, this woman is wearing nothing but a bikini top and the afformentioned booty shorts.
60-3 or 4 of each tattoos and piercings are displayed via the very scanty clothing. Make-up is applied heavily, but not in excess.
69-Similar to 60, but wearing 2 dimes and a corn chip. Most "stars" of pornographic films are in this range... whether naturally or not.
75-Too much make-up is often applied. Eye shadow and rouge begin to become entirely unnatural. Multiple plastic surgeries (most often breast augmentations) become apparent to the untrained eye.
80-Often sports tank top with no bra... even though she really needs one. Has over 50% of her body covered with tattoos. Tight leather and patten leather are often applied here, and worn in public... Biker chicks in Sturgis. *shudder*
90-In the immortal words of Stewie Griffin, "Is there any traction left on the tires, or is it like throwing a hot-dog down a hallway?" The honest answer for this woman would be, "The latter." She probably also smokes cigarettes, if nothing else, though that's not exclusive to this level. Most prostitutes and other sex industry workers are in this range.
100-Courtney Love... Need I say more?
And that's about all I've got. You might be wondering at this point, "Does he really think that this is going anywhere?" To which I would respond, "Gosh, I hope not... It's just something I cooked up at 2am on a Friday night while hyped up on Mountain Dew. Even though it sounds a little serious, I expect this to go absolutely nowhere." Oh, and PS-This sounded a lot less sexist in my head... now that's it's in writing, not so sure. ;)
So, I've decided that the Williams Skank Index should be a numerical scale ranging from 1 to 100. I originally considered a 1 to 10 scale, but I felt that more precision was necessary, and that it would be too easily confused with the 1-10 hotness scale. On this scale, 1 would be a minimum skankiness, 100 would be a maximum and 69 would be the maximum skankiness that would be appealing to an average, heterosexual man. The Williams Index would generally be based on outward appearance, but also incorporates certain aspects of personality. Additionally, the index is generally only applied to women in their 20s, but can be modified for older women... especially those who never outgrew their 20s skankiness. :o At this point, it would be a mostly subjective scale, with little or no methodology, but could be modified in the future to incorporate some methodology. This would most likely include something like a points system for certain, skanktastic attributes.
In order to give you a more full comprehension of the Williams Skank Index, I've included some examples of ratings and the type of woman, or a specific woman that would generally fit into such a category.
1-FLDS women, and the Amish: You see nothing but hands and face.
10-Your high school gym teacher: t-shirt and basketball shorts, no make up, pony tail... or maybe crew cut. :o
20-An average Mormon woman: Full coverage of chest and midriff, skirts and shorts below the knee, modest hair and make-up.
30-Woman generally in good taste: Perhaps a descending neckline, or a little bit of Britney Spears belly action, but mostly modest.
40-Every article of clothing this woman owns is skin-tight, and many even restrict her breathing. Halter-tops and booty shorts are common, but mostly devoid of piercings and tattoos. Make-up in good taste.
45-This is about where piercings other than ears and tattoos come into play. A staple of a woman in this range is the belly-button ring, but other piercings such as nose could also be in this range. Generally, only one tattoo or additional piercing is apparent at this level.
50-Bon qui qui from the Mad TV King Burger skit: At this point large quantities of make-up and hair product are being applied. Additionally, the tattoo on the small of the back is a big feature amongst this range of woman.
55-This is about where booty shorts and exposed thong straps rear their ugly heads. If it's more than about 70 degrees out, this woman is wearing nothing but a bikini top and the afformentioned booty shorts.
60-3 or 4 of each tattoos and piercings are displayed via the very scanty clothing. Make-up is applied heavily, but not in excess.
69-Similar to 60, but wearing 2 dimes and a corn chip. Most "stars" of pornographic films are in this range... whether naturally or not.
75-Too much make-up is often applied. Eye shadow and rouge begin to become entirely unnatural. Multiple plastic surgeries (most often breast augmentations) become apparent to the untrained eye.
80-Often sports tank top with no bra... even though she really needs one. Has over 50% of her body covered with tattoos. Tight leather and patten leather are often applied here, and worn in public... Biker chicks in Sturgis. *shudder*
90-In the immortal words of Stewie Griffin, "Is there any traction left on the tires, or is it like throwing a hot-dog down a hallway?" The honest answer for this woman would be, "The latter." She probably also smokes cigarettes, if nothing else, though that's not exclusive to this level. Most prostitutes and other sex industry workers are in this range.
100-Courtney Love... Need I say more?
And that's about all I've got. You might be wondering at this point, "Does he really think that this is going anywhere?" To which I would respond, "Gosh, I hope not... It's just something I cooked up at 2am on a Friday night while hyped up on Mountain Dew. Even though it sounds a little serious, I expect this to go absolutely nowhere." Oh, and PS-This sounded a lot less sexist in my head... now that's it's in writing, not so sure. ;)
Saturday, July 18, 2009
2 things
Thing #1:
If you, from henceforth, hear me say that I've never won anything in my life, I want you to punch me in the mouth, because now I have. :) Last Friday (July 10th for anyone who's keeping track), my mother had a doctor's appointment on which I accompanied her. While she was doing her thing in the back room, I picked up a copy of the day's Denver Post Sports Section and read it from front page to back, seeing as there was not anything else to do. In the course of reading this paper, I found a small ad in the bottom right corner of a page that said, "Text 'ROCKIES' and you zip code to (number) to win a family four pack of tickets to the Rockies game on July 11th." And yes, July 11th is my birthday for anyone who's keeping track. I thought I might have a good chance to win because, seriously, how many people who read hard copies of newspapers actually text as well? Apparently the odds were pretty good because I won 4 tickets to the Rockies game on my birthday against the Atlanta Braves.
We went to the game, and the luxury suite in which we got to sit was pimpin'. They had all sorts of ballpark food, drinks and a sweet bar-style table off of which I ate while watching the game. It would have been just about perfect if Jason Marquis (Rockies' starting pitcher) had had a better night. He gave up 3 runs pretty quickly, and the Rockies ended up losing 4-3. Despite the loss, I still look back on it fondly as the only thing I've ever won... and on my birthday too.
Thing #2:
So, recently I've been looking into acquiring for myself a handgun, seeing as my 21st birthday has recently passed. I've always had quite an affinity for Glocks, and had it narrowed down to either the model 17 (full-size) or model 19 (compact) 9mm handguns. I perused galleryofguns.com 's "Gun Genie" and found that they had in excess of 100 model 17s available and a few model 19s. Upon further inspection, I found that the model 19s were all faggy California models which held only 10 rounds plus 1. At that point, the decision was made and tonight, I put down a deposit on a brand new Glock model 17, and within a week, I should be holding it in my hands.
Let's review some of the reasons that I have such an affinity for this sort of firearm. The first reason is that it's just plain sexy. When I think of handguns, the Glock models are just what come to mind. This is just the way that a pistol should look. A squarish slide, internal hammer, barrel flush with the slide at the front, a perfect balance of ergonomics and flash, and a picatanny rail on the front end of the frame are just a few of these guns' schmexy features. Additionally, let talk about safeties. In my years of shooting, I've developed quite a dislike for most safeties. Most of them are just inadequate pieces of $h*7 that just get in the way of the trigger and keep it from being pulled. They don't work when you want them to, and work flawlessly when you're trying to take the shot of a lifetime. The bottom line: Most active safeties blow. The Glock, on the other hand has 3, count them three, T-H-R-E-E, 3 PASSIVE... let me say it again, passive safeties, which means that I can reap all the benefits of an active safety, more reliably and without even thinking about it.
At this point I might just sound like a walking Glock commercial, but dang, I am so freakin' excited to get my hands on this pistol. It's gonna be a blast. :)
Thursday, July 9, 2009
The Least Interesting Man in the World
Disclaimer: This blog post might be perceived as a rant about how much my life sucks. It is not... I really think I have a legitimate case to receive the title of the least interesting man in the world.Over the past few weeks/months, the commercials for Dos Equis brand beer have had me thinking. These commercials feature the "Most Interesting Man in the World." Of course, at the end he endorses Dos Equis beer, and the commercial makes you think that you'll be more interesting if you drink their piss-water...blah blah blah. The point here is that these commercials have got me to thinking that I might be able to earn the converse title, the least interesting man in the world.
Let's state my case, shall we?
1) I'm a Mormon. "Come on down! We don't drink. We don't smoke. We don't even drink caffeine!" -Robin Williams. And our good friend Robin didn't even mention chastity. Let's see if I can recite all of the behaviors forbidden by the "Honor Cone" to be done outside of marriage: Coitus, Fellatio, Cunnilingus, Sodomy, "Petting", "Heavy Petting", Kissing with tongue, Wanking, Anything else that could be construed as sex, talking about sex, thinking about sex, wanting to have sex. In fact the only permissible sexual behavior is dreaming (while unconscious) about sex. :)
2) I'm from Northglenn, Colorado. I can hear everyone who reads this saying, "Where the eph is Northglenn?" I'll tell you. It's a suburb about the size of a postage stamp due North (go figure) of Denver. Some fat-cat land developer decided that he wanted to create a whole city on the cheap and make a bunch of money. He cut corners wherever possible, and came out with a city that has absolutely no pride, no culture, and no income. :)
3) I'm deathly afraid of people in general, but most especially, women. I tend to do very little socializing at all, and the socializing I do is generally through facebook. Even when I do end up in social situations, I generally sit off in a corner and twiddle my thumbs while everyone else socializes. Don't even talk to me about dating. I generally find the idea of being harshly judged on everything I am and hope to be about analogous being viciously beaten with a Saguaro cactus then covered with lemon juice and salt. :)
4) I'm an engineer. (As if you couldn't have figured that out already. :P ) I find the concepts of ultimate stress and supercritical flow more appealing (and probably more arousing) than most any other activity in which I could partake. I will undoubtedly end up spending more money on my calculator than my wedding ring if by the grace of the Almightly God I end up married. (See 1 and 3 above. :)
5) I spend more time in front of my Wii than anywhere else with the possible exceptions of the Step Down Lounge and the CAEDM Lab. Before the wondrous invention of the contraption know as the Wii, I found the idea of using my thumbs to play baseball, golf, and go street racing utterly absurd. But with this new device I found that video games were actually intuitive! *gasp* It opened up a whole new world to me from the @$$-groove of my couch. Now I don't even need to leave my living room to enjoy all the world has to offer. :)
6) I have no taste in food or music. Right now I'm consuming a Hot Pocket while listening to Toby Keith and Weird Al. People ask me, "What's your favorite food?" When I respond, "Domino's" people tend to give me a sideways glance as if to say: "You ephing hillbilly, get back in your trailer and watch some NASCAR!" XD :)
7) I can tell you exactly what I'll be wearing, months in advance. June-August: T-shirt, jeans, and about half & half flip flops vs. skate shoes. Sept-Nov: Same thing, but guaranteed skate shoes and a hoodie on cold days. Dec-March: Same as Sept-Nov, but guaranteed hoodie. April-May: Same as Jun-Aug, but guaranteed skate shoes. And on every Sunday: Dress clothes... white shirt and tie, suit pants, and no coat. Dang, I'm even getting bored writing all that. :)
8) I get some sort of sick thrill from planning ahead. The day that BYU introduced "MyMap," the webpage that allows students to plan out which classes they want to take and when, I was up until 4 am working out my future schedules in painstaking detail. Also, after the class schedule comes out for a semester, I have my weekly schedule worked out and memorized within an hour. :)
9) I'm too nice of a guy. My mom always taught me to treat people (esp. women) with all possible respect and dignity. What a load of crap. You get more response out of people when you treat them like crap. They'll either respect you for it, or never speak to you again... which is probably a win on your part. :)
10) I've never really had any desire to impress people. As my dad always said, "If you don't like it, you can kiss my @$$!" When people come over to my apartment, I have a tendency to say, "Welcome to my $h*7hole, find a place to sit down... if you can!" XD. People tend to find nothing more interesting than the topic of themselves; and I just don't give a rat's fuzzy, little derriere. :)
Well, that's pretty much what I've got. I think that you'll agree that I'm about the least interesting man in the world. And PS-If you ever hear about any sort of least interesting man competition, let me know, and/or drop my name. ;)
Monday, July 6, 2009
A Tribute to America
Some things I love about America (in no particular order):
-I'm free to speak, assemble, own guns (for now), tell the government to eph off if I so desire, and worship the Lord my God in the manner that I see fit.
-I'm free from oppression, tyranny, a slow, painful death, being invaded by any other country, though not stupidity (see above).
-America's Air Force, the term "No One Come Close," is a gross understatement. Remember the Iraqi Air Force? Neither do I.
-America has the huevos to tell everyone else to eph off. Soccer? Eph off! The metric system? Eph off! Gay marriage? I'd tell you to eph off, but you'd take it literally.
-The great sport of baseball was invented in this country... and even though the US might no longer be the best, it still has a rich heritage and fan base.
-America has the oldest constitution still in force today.
-Joseph Smith, Jr. He couldn't have done it in any other country.
-America has been the frontrunner in technological advancement for decades.
-Americans told the British to suck their balls, then backed it up with a hard-fought war.
-The only wars the US has "Lost" are Vietnam and Korea, and that's because they were managed by dumb@$$es.
-I have never suffered for want of food, water, or shelter, and have been prospered beyond what most of the rest of the world has.
-"We'll put a boot in your @$$, it's the AMERICAN way!"
-Wendy's
-Mountain Dew
-Pie of every variety
-A national anthem that kicks trash (oui, je parle aux francais)
-The elections aren't rigged (that we know of)
-Facebook
-Capatalism
-The Chevrolet Camaro
-The Chevrolet Corvette
-The F/A-18 Hornet
-The F-117 fighter
-Huge Natural Gas reserves
-Even bigger coal reserves
-Bigger yet Uranium reserves
-Checks and Balances
-As of right now, the United States of America is still the greatest and most powerful country in the world. There might be many from the inside as well as the outside who would wish to supplant this nation, but for the time being America can kick your country's @$$, and wouldn't be afraid to prove it.
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