Friday, August 21, 2009
In Order to Optimize our Stalking Capabilities.
I just thought it was really cool that Google gave me the html code to imbed my calendar onto my blag. And if you want to use it to stalk me, that's cool too. :D
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Making Life Difficult...
So, today I went dirt bike riding for probably the last time on my KDX 200 that I've had for about 5 years. You know what the sad part is? I sustained the second worst dirt bike riding injury, and definitely the most severe while riding the KDX, not that that's saying much. (The most severe being the collar bone I snapped in half while riding my dad's XR 250R.) Anywho, I'm not entirely sure what this injury is (I'm not going to a doctor, eph that. :P ) but my best theory is that it's a mildly sprained left thumb.
Now, in the past I've joked around about breaking people's thumbs if they weren't to pay me money that they owed me, but this injury has me rethinking such a proposition. Just in the past few hours I've found that there are a whole host of things that are very difficult to do with only one thumb. Some of these include:
Riding a dirt bike (duh!)
Firing a rifle
Opening a bottle
Buckling a seatbelt
Disassembling a Glock*
Unbuttoning a pair of jeans
Buttoning a pair of jeans
Tying shoes
Driving
Handling a DVD
Opening a bottle of pain medication for a sprained thumb
Drying oneself off after getting out of the shower
Opening a sandwich bag
Giving two thumbs up (yeah, should have thought that one through better)
Turning pages in a book/magazine
Washing one's hands
Text, OMG!
...and the list goes on and on. I guess at this point, for really the first time in my life, I'm truly grateful to be right-handed, if I wasn't I'd be truly ephed. And as you can see, a sprained left thumb isn't going to keep me or any other righty from furiously typing anytime soon. ;)
*Requires 10 very strong fingers.
Now, in the past I've joked around about breaking people's thumbs if they weren't to pay me money that they owed me, but this injury has me rethinking such a proposition. Just in the past few hours I've found that there are a whole host of things that are very difficult to do with only one thumb. Some of these include:
Riding a dirt bike (duh!)
Firing a rifle
Opening a bottle
Buckling a seatbelt
Disassembling a Glock*
Unbuttoning a pair of jeans
Buttoning a pair of jeans
Tying shoes
Driving
Handling a DVD
Opening a bottle of pain medication for a sprained thumb
Drying oneself off after getting out of the shower
Opening a sandwich bag
Giving two thumbs up (yeah, should have thought that one through better)
Turning pages in a book/magazine
Washing one's hands
Text, OMG!
...and the list goes on and on. I guess at this point, for really the first time in my life, I'm truly grateful to be right-handed, if I wasn't I'd be truly ephed. And as you can see, a sprained left thumb isn't going to keep me or any other righty from furiously typing anytime soon. ;)
*Requires 10 very strong fingers.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Top 10 --> Jesus/BYU Women
I came up with this one a while back, but suddenly felt the need to share it here.
The Top Ten Reasons why BYU women wouldn't date Jesus
(According to William White)
10. Facial Hair-Nothing screams apostasy like a full beard.
9. He didn't earn his "Duty to God" certificate.
8. ...or his Eagle Scout.
7. ...nor did he graduate seminary.
6. He's too old-Either 33 or 2009 years old, depending on how you look at it.
5. He's too nice of a guy-"It was so great of him to save my everlasting soul... I don't want to ruin that with a relationship."
4. He doesn't have a car-"You want me to walk to campus in THESE HEELS?!?!?!"
3. Her roommate still loves him-"I just don't want to feel like I'm sharing you with Alisa."
2. He doesn't have enough earning potential-"You're a carpenter? You speak really good Aramaic for a Mexican!"
1. He's not an RM-"Where'd you serve your mission again?... They don't have a mission in Jerusalem!"
The Top Ten Reasons why BYU women wouldn't date Jesus
(According to William White)
10. Facial Hair-Nothing screams apostasy like a full beard.
9. He didn't earn his "Duty to God" certificate.
8. ...or his Eagle Scout.
7. ...nor did he graduate seminary.
6. He's too old-Either 33 or 2009 years old, depending on how you look at it.
5. He's too nice of a guy-"It was so great of him to save my everlasting soul... I don't want to ruin that with a relationship."
4. He doesn't have a car-"You want me to walk to campus in THESE HEELS?!?!?!"
3. Her roommate still loves him-"I just don't want to feel like I'm sharing you with Alisa."
2. He doesn't have enough earning potential-"You're a carpenter? You speak really good Aramaic for a Mexican!"
1. He's not an RM-"Where'd you serve your mission again?... They don't have a mission in Jerusalem!"
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Memoirs
Recently I've been thinking about what would make a good title for my memoirs. What title could I give that would summarize the advice I would pass on to my posterity. After some not-so-serious thought, here's some of what I've come up with:
"A Series of Unfortunate Dudefests"-[See Post Titled "Source of the Title"]
"How to Attract Women"-An in-detail chronologue of the exact opposite of everything I ever did.
"Lies My Mother Told Me"-These would include, "William, your father is a prick!", and "William, I'm gonna find that little Japanese girl that's been stalking you."
"Non-RMs are People Too... and Other Bull$h*7 You Wish Was True"-The trials of being a part of Mormon doctrine without being a part of Mormon culture.
"D4mM17 William, You Spilt the Motherephing Gravy!"-Actual quote from my dad. XD
"My Talent is Making Analogies About Balls"-Imagine this being said in an Elders' Quorum 'introduce everybody' thing.
"Sometimes the Crap Falls off the Paper Plate."-Making the best...and worst of lifes hard times... redneck style.
"Call Me a Massage THErapist"-My theory on how a man can be a misogynist without being a sexist or a chauvenist... PS-If you don't get this one, it's okay. It only makes sense in my head.
"The Least Interesting Man in the World"-[See Post "The Least Interesting Man in the World"]
"The Engineer Assumed a Safety Factor of 2"-At some point you just realize that you've got 'The Knack.'
"Enlarge Your Penis Just by Reading this Book!"-Only if I wanted to make a bunch of money then go straight to hell when I die... A good alternative would be to become a lawyer.
"I Kissed a Girl... And I Liked It!"-Two actually! It'd totally be worth paying royalties to Katie Perry.
"I Did Not Have Sexual Relations with that Woman."-Because I didn't! I guarantee it! Would I get sued by Bill Clinton? Yes. How would I deal with that problem? I would insure that all the groupie rights went straight to Slick Willy... 'cause we all know Bill's just in it for the nookie.
What's the moral of this blog post? If I ever tell you that I'm going to write my memoirs, I want you to backslap me and ask inquisitively, "You mean, 'Enlarge Your Penis Just by Reading this Book!'? Don't be a dumb@$$!"
"A Series of Unfortunate Dudefests"-[See Post Titled "Source of the Title"]
"How to Attract Women"-An in-detail chronologue of the exact opposite of everything I ever did.
"Lies My Mother Told Me"-These would include, "William, your father is a prick!", and "William, I'm gonna find that little Japanese girl that's been stalking you."
"Non-RMs are People Too... and Other Bull$h*7 You Wish Was True"-The trials of being a part of Mormon doctrine without being a part of Mormon culture.
"D4mM17 William, You Spilt the Motherephing Gravy!"-Actual quote from my dad. XD
"My Talent is Making Analogies About Balls"-Imagine this being said in an Elders' Quorum 'introduce everybody' thing.
"Sometimes the Crap Falls off the Paper Plate."-Making the best...and worst of lifes hard times... redneck style.
"Call Me a Massage THErapist"-My theory on how a man can be a misogynist without being a sexist or a chauvenist... PS-If you don't get this one, it's okay. It only makes sense in my head.
"The Least Interesting Man in the World"-[See Post "The Least Interesting Man in the World"]
"The Engineer Assumed a Safety Factor of 2"-At some point you just realize that you've got 'The Knack.'
"Enlarge Your Penis Just by Reading this Book!"-Only if I wanted to make a bunch of money then go straight to hell when I die... A good alternative would be to become a lawyer.
"I Kissed a Girl... And I Liked It!"-Two actually! It'd totally be worth paying royalties to Katie Perry.
"I Did Not Have Sexual Relations with that Woman."-Because I didn't! I guarantee it! Would I get sued by Bill Clinton? Yes. How would I deal with that problem? I would insure that all the groupie rights went straight to Slick Willy... 'cause we all know Bill's just in it for the nookie.
What's the moral of this blog post? If I ever tell you that I'm going to write my memoirs, I want you to backslap me and ask inquisitively, "You mean, 'Enlarge Your Penis Just by Reading this Book!'? Don't be a dumb@$$!"
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