On Capitalism

It's been a while since I've posted anything philosophical on my blag and my homework that was due tomorrow is now due next Wednesday, so I have a little free time to blag.

I'll be speaking on these issues as an American, but many of the ideas that I present will be applicable to all of western society.

Let me start off this post by saying that I'm a registered Republican and I voted for Mitt Romney (somewhat begrudgingly).  I'm an almost universal social conservative, being pro-life, pro-gun, pro-religion, pro-self sufficiency, pro-drilling, pro-fracking, and pro-logging.  I'm aligned with the conservative base of the Republican party on basically every issue... except one.  Unfortunately, that one issue is the hottest topic in the entire political sphere of western society.

Many of my super-conservative friends seem to extol capitalism as if it's a universal virtue sent by revelation from Heaven for the benefit of mankind.  In reality, capitalism is an extreme on the opposite side of the economic system spectrum from socialism.  Either one, in pure form, is just as likely to collapse in on itself and to leave society in ruin.  Many pundits on both sides of the aisle would have you believe that these two ideals are mutually exclusive, when in reality, any functional society requires balanced elements of both self service (capitalism) and social service (socialism).

Any blue-blooded American who's not a clove-smoking hippie can tell you why pure socialism, aka communism, doesn't work.  Under this sort of system, all people work for the benefit of the whole and resources are distributed as evenly as possible.  Any individual's prosperity is not based on how hard or how effectively that one person works, but on how well people work around him or her.  Under a purely socialist system, it's easy to give a minimal effort and receive a similar reward, because everyone around you can pick up your slack.  However, when too many people do this, the system collapses because nothing actually gets done.  Communism is the liberal extreme of the economic system spectrum and does not provide sufficient individual incentive to be sustainable.

In contrast, many Americans seem to have difficultly identifying why pure capitalism doesn't work, even though the answer should be more obvious to an objective observer (if such a person exists).  Part of this phenomenon is probably due to the fact that essentially pure socialist economies have existed for relatively short periods of time.  Nazi Germany, Soviet Russia, and Red China (until more recently) are all good examples of societies that existed for a time with more or less socialist economies and eventually collapsed or, in the case of China, transitioned to a sort of pseudo-capitalism.  On the other hand, a purely capitalist society has either never existed or didn't last long enough to create any lasting records.  There are basically two reasons why.  One should be obvious, though people seem to have a hard time grasping it, and the other is more subtle.

First, I have two words for you: Market Failures.  A purely capitalist economy is incapable of providing certain public goods that are essential for a healthy, functional society.  Two excellent examples of market failures of public goods are the military and civil infrastructure.  There are several others both in and out of the realm of public goods, but these two are among the best simple examples.  These public goods can only be provided by a socialist system.  Many conservatives would balk at the idea that the military is a socialist program, but these folks haven't really thought about it.  For this program, the government is taking a little bit of wealth from everyone in order to preserve the nation as a whole.  The military is certainly not the most socialist system set up by the federal government, but it's along the same lines.  As far as public infrastructure goes, I'll let POTUS speak for himself.  Mitt Romney's heyday of taking this quote out of context made it slightly painful to vote for him.


If a society has a system that provides for these essential public goods, it is not a purely capitalist society.  These things can only be provided by a system that is inherently socialist in that it takes some proportion of the wealth from the populace in order to provide for the general welfare.  If a society does not have these public goods, there is a very high probability that it will soon collapse and be replaced by a society that does.

Now that we've covered what should be obvious, let's move on to the more subtle.  I've said for a few years now that an economist is also a political philosopher, even if he/she is a really bad political philosopher.  The ideas and analyses of wealth and trade cannot be totally divorced from those of power.  Not only does material wealth, in and of itself, bring power with it, those who are powerful are also more capable of obtaining material wealth by virtue of their power.  Free-market economics assumes that men would rather trade than steal.  While this is often true, there are clearly those who are willing to break to rules for the sake of wealth and increased power.

Any society that doesn't, at least somewhat, regulate the exertions of the powerful upon the weak, will eventually fail.  Power held by individuals and small groups leads to isolation of those individuals and groups from the rest of the populace.  Essentially, the very few ruling elite sit in a gated inclosure atop a hill and manage the numerous lower classes remotely.  A society in this state is volatile and there are many ways in which it can fail.  One way is that the powerful do not allocate enough of their wealth for public goods, resulting in a market failure, as previously mentioned.  Another is the small groups of the powerful spending resources to fight against each other, attempting to shrink the others' wealth and power, until the society collapses by attrition (see next paragraph).  There's also my personal favorite, which is united rebellion by the weak against the powerful.  Though few individuals may hold large quantities of power, a large majority is almost always more powerful in aggregate.  This rebellion can manifest itself as a peaceful refusal to work for the powerful, at some personal risk, or blood can flow down the streets of Paris (figuratively speaking:).  Regardless of the precise circumstances, a society that does not prevent the powerful from becoming too powerful will fall eventually.

It's been asked before how deregulation of economic players can possibly lead the economy to shrink.  I have another word for you: Rent-seeking.  Economic regulation is only universally bad if it's assumed that all participants in a capitalist economy are acting to grow their wealth in absolute terms and not merely relative to the wealth of others.  Rent-seeking is essentially using one's wealth and power to gain a larger proportion of the existing wealth, rather than creating new wealth.  Left unchecked, rent-seekers will almost universally shrink the total wealth available and cause a society to decline.  A purely capitalist society has no checks for the power plays of rent-seekers that can lead to economic and societal decline and collapse.

I said at the beginning of this post that both pure capitalism and pure socialism are extremes in the spectrum of economic systems and neither can exist in a functional society, at least not for very long.  As such, there is a need for balance between elements of both self service and social service.  For the political problems faced in much of the western world, I like the application of the far eastern philosophy of Yin and Yang.  For the description of this philosophy, I give mad props to whoever wrote the opening line of the Wikipedia article I just linked above.  It's pure gold.  "In Chinese philosophy, the concept of Yin-Yang, literally meaning 'shadow and light,' is used to describe how polar opposites or seemingly contrary forces are interconnected and interdependent in the natural world, and how they give rise to each other in turn in relation to each other."  Capitalism and socialism are polar opposite and seemingly contrary ideas that necessarily have to be applied in tandem in order to maintain a healthy and functional society.  Without essential elements of both schools of thought, a society will collapse sooner, rather than later.

You can consider capitalism to be light and socialism to be darkness, if that helps you.  It really doesn't matter.

Foresight

I have a testimony that the Lord knows which path in our lives will lead, ultimately, to the most happiness much more than we know it ourselves.  If we trust in the Lord... and even sometimes when we don't really, he will guide us toward the paths that will lead us to the most prosperity.  There are elements in my life currently that I never could have predicted nor have pieced together that has lead me to a great place, even in the midst of bitter circumstances.

I've pretty much blagged about all the elements of my life before, but have never really put the pieces together until now. 

My consideration of Oregon State University for a master's degree began well over a year ago while I was still under the impression that I would work in industry for a few years to figure out where I wanted to specialize before beginning a master's degree.  Like most of the other schools I began considering, my interest in Oregon State was based on their ranking in US News and World Report.  Though, unlike most other schools, Oregon State seemed to stand out at me as a good idea even though I'd never been to Oregon and had little experience with the university outside the '09 Las Vegas Bowl.  (In retrospect, this was an inspired decision.)

With most of the schools in the rankings, I could find one or more reasons to remove them from consideration based on their graduate assistant policies, grad programs, research, etc.  However, Oregon State, ranked at #41 (in an 8-way tie), managed to stick around.  While other schools lost favor, I couldn't find any reason to not like Oregon State.  The earliest list of potential grad schools I made in this blag was in March of '10, which would have been about the time I started considering Oregon State.

In July of '10, even though I still held out vain hope of finding a job, I decided to take the GRE just in case I wanted to apply to grad school in the fall.  This turned out to be another clearly inspired decision.

As my desires to continue fruitlessly applying and networking for jobs faded, I applied for master's programs at 7 institutions of higher learning.  As I began the process, it was fairly evident that I would have to pick a specialization, ready or not.  I decided that I had been trying to convince myself that I didn't like geotech and that that was really my favorite specialty after all.  Applying for the geotech program was a third inspired decision.

In March and April of '11, I was thinking that I wouldn't receive funding from any of the schools to which I had applied and that I would attend CU-Boulder.  I was wrong on both accounts.  I received funding for the 2011-2012 school year from Oregon State and immediately began the process of matriculating.  The tuition waiver and stipend that I received were the first immense blessing that I received on account of my inspired decisions.

On March 11, 2011, a megathrust subduction earthquake and subsequent tsunami hit the northeast side of Honshu, Japan causing extreme loss of property and life.  A similar subduction fault exists a few miles west of the Oregon and Washington coasts, and the prospect of an almost identical quake hitting western Oregon scared the Benjamins out of the state government.  They will now be providing a significant piece of funding to the one significant civil engineering program in the state, at Oregon State University.  See my previous blag post about this here.

The professor who is spearheading much of this research (who did his undergrad at Georgia Tech) is brand new at the university, since they have been understaffed for the past couple years.  I just talked to him this morning and he said that administration and red tape would need to be taken care of for the next few months and that the research would begin in earnest in the first few months of next year.  To put it bluntly, the timing is perfect.  And since this professor is brand new, he doesn't have many grad students/other minions of his own, allowing me to slip in fairly easily.  Trust me, I'm at least as amazed as you at this point.

In summary, with foresight of a pair of unforeseeable events, the Lord was able to prepare a path for me leading to more happiness than I could have ever procured following my own plan(s).  I've rarely considered myself very keen on hearing and listening to the still, small voice of the Spirit.  However, will even the tertiary ear that I lent Him, the Lord was able to guide me.  And I'm sure that the guidance and blessings are not over.  My time in Oregon has only begun and there is almost certainly more in store were this much came from.

Options

In a little less than a month, I move to the great state of Oregon in order to begin a master of science degree at Oregon State University. Considering the nature of my arrival at Oregon State, I find it necessary to contemplate what I should do if I cannot find a full-time engineering job after finishing a master's degree. Statistically speaking, master's grads have done much better than bachelor's grads over the past 3 years. However, in 2008, bachelor's grads were still doing pretty good, and in the state of the economy, it's certainly better to be safe than sorry. So, here are some things that I could do if I cannot find an engineering job in the United States of America.

• Try to find an engineering job in New Zealand. Considering the state of their infrastructure, they could probably use someone with my skill set... and might actually have the money to pay me for it.
  
• Teach English in some strange 2nd-world country. Considering how well some of these gigs pay, I could do much worse. Namely...
  
• Teach Math/Science stateside. Considering the sad state of STEM education, there might be a job waiting for someone who can both multiply AND divide.
• Taco Bell.
• Panhandling. I would need to grow a beard first.
  
• Start an uprising against the current government scheme, the extremely wealthy, and the American Society of Civil Engineers.
• Sail the 7 seas and become a pirate.
• Illegally emigrate to Mexico and get on the dole... Oh wait.
• Find a sugar momma.
• Sell my blood plasma.
• Find/start a band for which I could be the bass player.
• Stand-up comedy.

The one thing that I can think of that definitely wouldn't be an option would be being a bum on my parents' couch... again. If you have any ideas, feel free to send them my way.

The Economic Recovery Plan

There's been a lot of talk about how to regain some of the wealth and prosperity that have been lost and not as yet recovered in the United States. The federal government in its current form will never be able to do what it takes to enact a recovery, mostly because the politicians in congress only desire to represent about 20% of the American populace, on a good day. I've thought of some reforms that should cause the economy of the United States to grow again, get people spending, and reduce unemployment. Some of these are fairly extreme and I will not present those in this blag post. The proposals that I present here are the ones that I believe a majority of Americans could agree with that would also easily jump start the economy. Now, without further ado, allow me to introduce The Hands' Economic Recovery Plan, or THERP, if you will.

1. Enact banking reform that would forgive mortgage debt. Believe it or not, this is not the first time that economic recession and stagnation have been spurred by a boom and bust in the housing market. It happened in Japan in the early '90s. The economic woes continued for over a decade until the Japanese government enacted laws that remitted mortgage debt. Without this reform in the US, individuals and families would be prevented from spending on things other than their mortgages or moving when job opportunities present themselves. The economic stagnation we currently observe could continue almost into perpetuity with no change to the system. Banking reform won't happen under the current government system because bankers lose in this situation and most Republican politicians either are bankers or have very close ties to them.
2. Deport the illegal immigrants. Until any American can walk into Mexico/Guatemala/Honduras/etc. without any paperwork and demand jobs, government-paid healthcare and welfare, everything being printed in English, and the ability to accuse citizens of being racists when they point out that we're a leech on their society, I refuse to grant the same privileges to their citizens. Any child who's been granted American citizenship would be welcome to stay, however, his or her illegally present parents would not. They can either take the children back to their home country or give them up and we'll find them a nice home with Americans. Immigration reform won't happen because illegal immigration wins votes for Democrats and improves the bottom line for the C-level executives to whom the Republicans bow down.
3. Enact corporate tax reform. Basically, any wealth gained by corporations that came from goods and services produced and sold completely in the United States would be tax-free. However, corporations would be taxed on wealth gained from foreign income, foreign component parts used in American-produced goods, and imports at a rate slightly above the current effective corporate rate. This would give corporations incentive to create jobs in the United States instead of China, India, Mexico, etc. This reform won't happen because Republican politicians won't support anything that might ruffle the feathers of the top 2% of income earners.
4. Enact income tax reform. More specifically, I would enact unearned income tax reform. Paul the Apostle wrote in one of his letters to Timothy that, "The love of money is the root of all evil." In the contemporary western world, we have become obsessed with the notion that we can just "invest" money and make a living doing it. We desire to get something for nothing so badly that we are willing to ruin ourselves and everyone else around us to make it happen. I would tax unearned income (i.e. dividends, profit sharing, capital gains, etc.) at a rate at least as high as that for earned income. The goal of this reform would be to incentivize people to actually do something to try to earn a living, while still making some cautious investments. Once again, the Republican politicians' steadfast loyalty to the top 2% of income earners is to blame for the impossibility of this reform.
5. Enact property tax reform. Educators and other liberals would howl and moan, but in order to stabilize the housing market, we need taxation to not be based on property value. As sad as it might be, part of our economic plight is due to state and local tax rates being higher than they have ever been before. State and local governments would have to make due with less money than they currently take in. These governments could go a long way just cutting welfare and pork, but in the end, changes would have to be made to the education system. I won't be expounding on my thoughts on education reform in this post because this subject deserves more than just a token mention. Look forward to another post on this topic sometime soon. This tax reform won't happen because liberals have used the scare tactic, 'Think of the children,' at any mention of property tax/education reform, when we could undoubtedly give our children the same education for a better value.
6. Enact banking/investment tax reform. Basically, I would tax banks based on the riskiness of their investments. For corporate stocks, this would be easy, because investment bankers calculate a term, β, that essentially represents risk of such an investment. For futures, it would be even easier. The tax rate on futures would be inversely proportional to the proportion of the future value paid upfront. For example, if a bank put 3% down on an oil future, their tax rate on that future would be 97%. This would annihilate the profits of prospectors who pick up futures and deflect the costs by not actually putting up any money down upfront, drastically reducing the speculation in the market. For any other investment, it would take pages and pages of tax code to assess the risk of investments for taxation purposes. Mortgage-backed securities would also be made illegal, the sale of which would be punishable by death. Again, the top 2% of income earners would be upset about this reform, keeping them from ever happening.
   
7. Cut entitlements. The burgeoning budget deficit of the federal government is another dead weight on the US economy. Cutting entitlements would be key to reducing the deficit and the biggest of these in my sights would be growth in Medicare, not Medicare itself, but its growth. Limiting Medicare growth by itself could almost bring the US to fiscal solvency by 2015. Providers of care (to a certain degree) and, to a greater degree, of prescription drugs and specialty treatments would need to undergo reform in order to keep the costs paid by the American government low. These cuts won't come to fruition because Democrats use entitlements as one of their biggest selling points in elections.
8. Cut defense spending. Along the same lines as entitlements, the federal government could almost reach solvency by cutting defense spending. Cuts would have to come to expensive military research projects like new cruise missiles, fighter jets, and stealth ships. At this point in history, the United States is largely fighting guerrillas who live in caves. In all honesty, the military hardly needs a $1 billion cruise missile to take them out. Also, tactics of war would have to be employed in order to actually conquer enemies and get troops home in a timely manner. War is dirty, unsafe, and emotionally depraved; anyone who thinks otherwise should get over themselves. The blame for this one falls on both sides of the aisle. Republicans refuse to give up pricey research projects while Democrats (and the liberal media) refuse to allow war to actually take place for the long-term safety of both troops and the American people.
   

All of the reforms that I have mentioned above would have winners and losers. However, the purpose of a government is largely to balance the winners and losers of various reforms in a manner that best ameliorates total human suffering. In many cases, the losers in the scenarios above have been winners big enough and for long enough that they have amassed fabulous wealth and have begun to exercise the power that comes with that wealth over the remainder of the population. This phenomenon has become the greatest cause of our social and economic woes as citizens of the United States. The reforms that I have mentioned would go a long way to fulfill the purpose of a government and ameliorate the total human suffering in this country.

As you can imagine, neither I nor any one individual is in a position of supreme power over the United States and its allies. However, I do believe that the reforms, which I have mentioned herein are in the best interest of the people of the United States with whom the power of government is supposed to reside. Now, go inundate your congressperson with commentary on how worthless and filthy of a swine he or she really is. ;D

Annie Very Sorry

Today marks the second anniversary of the creation of this blag. As luck would have it, it's also the 100th post I've made to it. Here's a recap of things that have happened in the last 2 years and 100 blag posts in approximately chronological order.

• I bought a handgun.
• I decided to get a business minor.
• I read 'The Five Love Languages' by Gary Chapman. It changed my life.
• I saw then BYU tight end Andrew George catch a walk-off touchdown pass from Max Hall to beat SpUtah in OT.
  
• I applied for over 300 full-time civil engineering jobs.
• I got 3 interviews and no formal job offers.
  
• I took and passed the Fundamentals of Engineering Exam.
• I moved into an apartment with guys who I actually liked beforehand.
  
• I went to the Utah Summer Games Ultimate Frisbee Tournament in Cedar City and accidentally attended a Single Adult dance. (Notice the lack of 'Young' at the front.)
• I went longboarding down Provo Canyon with Scott Manning and still have the scars to prove it. I pledged that I would never ride/drive anything that didn't have brakes after that.
  
• I bought and have been learning to play the bass guitar.
• I appeared in 'The Food Nanny' TV program on BYUtv.
• I graduated from BYU with a BS.
• I applied to 7 institutions of higher learning to pursue a master's degree in civil engineering.
• I was accepted by 6 of those institutions.
• I found out that I would receive funding from Oregon State University and, without hesitation, decided that I would matriculate.

As we can see, it's been a great time. I'm totally looking forward to next two years worth of Unfortunate Dudefests. :D

The Moratorium

Ever since about April of last year, I've had the sneaking suspicion that there's a federal moratorium on giving me money. Much like the moratorium on gulf-coast drilling, all donations or compensations of cash flowing toward me have been banned. This moratorium extends to trade as well as wages. Let's examine the evidence, shall we:

• My last "permanent" employment was in April of 2010 with the civil engineering department at Brigham Young University. Though the moratorium may have actually taken effect before this, I was the only one who was willing to TA environmental engineering with Dr. Williams during winter semester, so they had to keep for at least a few additional months.
• Even though I was employed with tαr3eI for a couple of weeks during this winter, the compensation that I received was negligible and they dismissed me well before the January 10th deadline to retain holiday employees.
• I filled out over 300 job applications and got 3 interviews, all of which were within 50 miles of the campus of my Alma Mater. And out of these 3 interviews, zero offers were extended.
• I've tried to sell both my dirt bike and my engagement ring from fiancée #2. The price of both of these was probably under what they're actually worth, but I got about 4 calls between the two of them. (And on a side note, Craigslist is nothing but crime!)
• It's too early to call 'game over,' but universities and civil engineering departments seem hesitant to offer me any sort of funding other than loans. And btw, only getting money that someone expects you to repay isn't sustainable, just try paying off a credit card with another credit card every month, it doesn't work.

This is all granted that my mom has given me money in the recent past, but that's nothing unusual. I wouldn't expect her to stop giving me money now, even if there is a moratorium.

I'm looking at you Obama... What should I do?

[New Grad School Odds: CU Boulder - 2:1, Oregon State - 5:1, BYU - 5:1, Washington - 20:1, Virginia Tech - 30:1, UCLA - 60:1]

A Faire

I really don't like to set new year's resolutions. I don't know that there's any particular reason why, I just don't. Though I don't particularly like resolutions, 2010 sucked and there are a few things that I'd like to accomplish in 2011. I won't call these resolutions, since many of them are partially or completely out of my control. I think I'll just call them my goals and hopes for 2011:

• At long last, choose a graduate school. (Purdue and UCLA are already out, btw.)
• Start grad school (or get a job, which is drastically less likely.)
• Move out of my parents' house (again). Like I tell my dad, "Dad, no one wants me out of your house more than me."
• Get an internship. After I choose a grad program and adjust my résumé accordingly, I hope to expand that résumé with some internship experience.
• Get a car. If my mom gets some cash from her deceased father anytime soon, I might just have a brand new car fall into my lap (figuratively speaking). If not, I'm going to get an older, crappier one. I've had a driver's license for 6 years, and an adult not having a car anywhere west of Jersey is bullsh*t.
• Turn 23. I'm a big fan of Milan Hejduk of the Colorado Avalanche, who wears number 23. Also, ever since I was exposed to fiancée #2's strange fixation with even numbers, I've developed a strange fixation with odd numbers, especially 3's and 7's.
• Figure out a really good and relevant Halloween costume by the time October rolls around.
• See at least 6 football games. In 2010, I only saw one football game in person. It was a good game and I got to chill with some friends, but I just need more football in my life.
• See at least one BYU football game. If I go to Oregon State for grad school, this will be easy, since BYU comes to Corvallis in September, otherwise I'll have to make a trip to Provo, probably for either the Idaho or Idaho State game, but I'll see how my schedule looks in 10 or 11 months.
• Get a new cell phone. I feel pretty confident that my phone isn't going to make it through 2011. The other day, the hinge popped open and the top half separated from the bottom. I was able to fit them back together, but it's pretty clearly broken.

I think that pretty much wraps it up. If I could accomplish the first four or five things on the list, I would consider 2011 a very successful year. Let me just say that if this year is as bad as last year, I'm going to start organizing a French Revolution-style coup d'état to overthrow the reign of the nouveau American bourgeoisie. :P

Oh, and btw...

...I have, more or less, finished submitting my applications for graduate school next fall. I ended up applying to 7 schools, most of which I've mentioned before. Up to the beginning of the application process, these were pretty much the only schools that hadn't given me some reason not to go there. Any school that was ranked below BYU (#73) in US News and World Report's grad school rankings was pretty much automatically out, because the only reason that I would not go back to BYU is to go to a more prestigious school. Many of the other schools were in places that I no desire to live. Others didn't have very much emphasis on the areas of civil engineering in which I'd like to concentrate, ie. geotechnical and/or structural. Others didn't give full tuition waivers for those with graduate assistantships, which would be the whole reason that I'm even bothering to apply to grad school at this time, since I clearly can't afford it otherwise.

At the onset of the application process, there were 2 of the schools to which I applied whose application process made me really, really not want to go there. These shall be at the bottom of my list for the time being. Now, in order of excitement about the possibility of going there, the schools to which I applied:

1. Virginia Tech - A quality school for any sort of engineering discipline. The only thing that I dislike about the school is that there are 4 NASCAR tracks that are closer than the nearest LDS temple. The tracks at Bristol, TN; Martinsville, VA; Charlotte, NC; and Richmond, VA are all closer than the Raleigh, NC temple, which is the closest to the campus. Additionally, there is no singles' ward in Blacksburg, all the singles just get thrown in with the family ward... not that there are that many singles to begin with. The only thing that I didn't like about the application process was that all documents had to be in Word 2003 format, though that was only a minor inconvenience. And as a bonus, the graduate school was efficient enough that I have already received an acceptance letter; if there was an assistantship offer with it, I might be packing my bags for Blacksburg right now.
   
2. Oregon State - While this one is a little farther down in the ranking of civil engineering grad schools, there is very little that I dislike about the school and its application process. The only thing that I even remotely dislike about the school so far is that their mascot is the beaver. This is not only rather emasculate, but is rather suggestive as well. The application process went about a perfectly as it could go, and my application to Oregon State was the first one that I knew for sure was completed.
3. Purdue - This is the highest-ranked school to which I applied, and it probably has the most prolific civil engineering research program, though most of it is focused on structural. The only problem with Purdue is that, the more I think about Indiana, the less I want to live there. I mean seriously, the only reason that I would even want to visit Indiana is the off-chance of meeting Austin Collie again. The prospect of living there for a year and a half to two is a little discouraging. However, the application process did go pretty much without a hitch... as far as I know.
4. CU Boulder - After moving back in with my parents in August, I'm not sure I ever want to live within 500 miles of them again, if I can help it. Not only is CU only 20 miles from my house, but it's in the People's Republic of Boulder, the land of fruits and nuts. While CU does have some nice research facilities and it would be cool to be close by my Denver-area friends, I'm not sure if the Pros could possibly outweigh the Cons. The application process to CU was pretty straightforward, though there is no way to check the status of your application materials or make any changes once you've submitted it. It's just a spray-n-pray kind of deal, submit your part of the application and then hope they get the rest. Also, since I scheduled a campus visit, they seem to be convinced that I'm a prospective undergrad even though I clearly filled out the graduate application.
5. BYU - I love BYU. I love most everything about it. However, I would like to expand my horizons (and my networking contact list) by attending a different university for grad school. I talked to Dr. Rollins about doing graduate research at BYU after the '11-'12 school year, though nothing is for sure at this point. The grad application to BYU seemed to be easier than the undergrad app, though the ecclesiastical endorsement is still as big of a pain as it ever was.
6. UCLA - This was actually a recent addition to my list of grad schools. Deciding that I wanted to do my grad research in earthquake engineering made the primary public school in LA a very viable option; and anyone who hates the University of Spoiled Children as much as they do is alright with me. However, the application process has me rather disenchanted at this point. First of all, the application is due on December 15th ( which is kind of obscenely early). Next, the school requires that all letters of recommendation have to be hand-signed by their authors. This would have been all well and good if they had told me this BEFORE three of my recommenders submitted recommendations. However, they did not, those writing me letters submitted them unsigned, and I got an email from UCLA telling me that my recommenders had not signed their letters of recommendation. Finally, Dr. Hotchkiss seems to be totally unable to submit my letter of rec even though he signed it. The application has just been a huge pain.
7. Washington - While Washington would be an all-around great place to live, go to school, and do research, the application was a total nightmare. The worst of it was that I had to upload unofficial copies of my transcripts in .pdf format. First of all, I have transcripts at 3 schools, 2 of which don't even give out unofficial transcripts. The UW application would literally not let me submit my application until I had uploaded something for unofficial transcripts for all three schools. I just ended up uploading the same unofficial transcripts from BYU that give acknowledgment of my transfer credit three times. If that's not sufficient for them, they can kiss me @$$. Adding to this craptacity is that the files had to be in .pdf format. I don't know about you, but my computer doesn't have to be a pdf writer, which makes this huge thing an even bigger pain. I ended up just using an online MS Word to pdf converter that only lets you make one conversion every 30 minutes... unless you subscribe to their services and pay them money. And as I already mentioned, I submitted that pdf file to them 3 times. The real kicker is that they didn't even ask for an official copy of my transcripts, and when I called them to ask where to send my official transcripts, they were totally unhelpful. Dear UW, [Beep] you and your incredibly tedious graduate application... and btw, I will not be bowing down to Washington, because your football team sucks.

And there you have it. I can only assume that once I decide which grad school to attend and get an assistantship straightened out, some job to which I applied 8 months before will call and want to hire me. That's just how my life goes.

Just so no one is confused, the assistantship and financial package that I get from these schools will be the deciding factor in where I go. I may very well end up going to UCLA or Washington if they sweeten the pot enough. In the words of P. Diddy, "It's all about the Benjamins."

Purpose

I've realized that much has happened since I last updated this blag. I'm not particular sure on details at this point, so this is going to be kind of the de facto Reader's Digest version of my life.

I went to Provo for about a week and filmed a TV show while there with my roommates from Spring/Summer. A couple months ago, Scott Manning applied for our apartment to be on the Food Nanny on BYU tv. This is a quintessential Mormon show in which an older lady whose kids are grown comes over and helps families "Rescue Dinner." In this case, we're not exactly a family, so there are a few deviations from the typical plot line. Overall though, it was a blast and I look forward to seeing myself on TV sometime in late January or early February. Disclaimer: I take no responsibility for what happens to your ear drums if you listen to Liz Edmunds with the volume on your computer or TV turned up too loud. She's super fun, but very eccentric. Be warned.

While I was in Provo, I was able to go to both the BYU grad school fair and the Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math (STEM) career fair. The grad school fair held very little promise since half the booths there were occupied by departments from the spU or Utah State. However, I did talk the Purdue guy who was full of useful information and got my very own University of Abalama elephant squeeze toy, which makes me want to go there, just because it's the best schwagg... ever. The career fair, on the other hand, held plenty of promise, though I'm not sure how much, if any, of it will pan out. I talked with several companies who seemed interested in hiring me. The big ones were Rio Tinto, McCarthy Building, Puget Sound Naval Shipyard, Vanir Construction Management, Layton Construction, and of course, Kimley-Horn. Both McCarthy and the naval shipyard were holding interviews the next day and said that they might call that night to schedule one. I didn't get a call from either of them, which is disappointing. I submitted my applications to both Rio Tinto and Vanir, and would hope to hear back from them at some point. Kimley-Horn is actually the company with which I had an interview scheduled ahead of time. I went through this interview and everything seemed to go well, however I'm merely left to wait to hear back and see if anyone actually wants to hire me. Overall, the career fair was productive, but not nearly as productive as I had hoped. Most of the civil engineering firms weren't actually hiring, but rather just looking to hand out schwagg so that you'll remember them later. However, I still hold out hope.

Since my hope has been made perfect, I have also been making preparations to submit applications for grad school next fall. On Thursday, I sent out a few emails to my former professors asking for letters of recommendation and what kind of research would be available back at BYU. Dr. Saito responded to my email within two hours. The other two that I sent out have not yet elicited a response. I hope that Dr. Hotchkiss and Dr. Gerber are merely ignoring me over the weekend as opposed to ignoring me indefinitely. That would be unfortunate. In addition to the letters of rec that I have asked for, I have also been working on a statement of purpose. After lots of deliberation and thought, I've managed to pound out an initial draft of at least Purdue's statement of purpose. I look forward to people picking it apart into tiny little bits, then restructuring it. If you want to have the privilege of reading this statement, let me know and I'll get it to you in an email.

It might be slightly confusing for the habitual readers of my blag to see me writing a statement of purpose to Purdue when, as of my last post, I wasn't even considering them. Well, way back when, I was considering Purdue. It started when fiancée #2 and I were both considering grad schools to attend so that we could go together. Purdue has reputable programs for both speech language pathology and civil engineering and her Female Parental Unit (not her mother... you don't really want to know) was living in Indiana at the time, so that choice was easy. At some point along the road, Purdue's user unfriendly website pissed me off and I decided to stop considering it. However, this week, when I talked to the Purdue guy at the career fair, I decided to look more into it. It turns out that it's still a good program and I could fulfill my dream of going there for free if I got an assistantship. In addition to this change, I've alse decided that I really don't want to go to Wisconsin because their civil engineering department is set up in a really weird way and that I wouldn't mind going to the University of Minnesota - Twin Cities, since the aforementioned Dr. Hotchkiss got his Ph.D. there and I could go there for free.

So, you should be pretty much caught up on what I'm up to these days... not that it's that exciting or anything. :P

Plan F

Considering that neither my post-graduate Plan A or Plan B are working out too well, I think it's about time I start working toward Plan F. Plan A is still to find an entry-level job in civil engineering, preferrably making a competitive wage at the same time. That has clearly not been working out all too well thus far, but I did only get my degree posted to my transcripts about a week ago. Hopefully, at the BYU career fair and with all the other applications I've been submitting, I can find something that actually pays in money and not in cases of hot pockets or facebook credits. Plan B was to join the military in either the Army or the Air Force as an engineer officer. Since it appears that I'm ineligible to join the military as an officer, that will prove rather difficult. Now, since I skipped letter codes C to E just for effect, it's on to Plan F. This plan involves going to grad school starting in the fall of 2011 for a civil/environmental engineering master's degree.

For a good while now (since at least about 3 or 4 months ago) I've decided that I refuse to pay for grad school. While this might sound utterly absurd, there are actually quite a few programs across the country that will waive all forms of tuition and even give you a nice stipend if you go to grad school at their university if you can get a graduate research or teaching assistantship. In civil engineering programs, there are often plenty of research opportunities (though with the crapconomy, no one really knows) and with my previous teaching assistant experience, I might actually qualify for one of those. If I can find a school that will actually give me a research/teaching assistantship, I might just take the glorious opportunity to acrue more usury on my undergraduate loans and work toward a graduate degree in civil engineering.

According to my last count, there are eight schools at which I wouldn't mind pursuing a master's degree in civil engineering. More or less in the order of preference:

• Virginia Tech - VT has a massive civil engineering department with over 60 professors and a plethora of research opportunities to go with them. It's also ranked 9th in the nation according to US News and World Report for civil engineering grad schools.


• Washington - I'm not going to say too many nice things about UW right now, but I do like their program and think it would generally be a good place for me.


• California, Los Angeles (or the University of Cottonpickin', Lower Abalama, as I like to call it.) - While I may not respect UCLA's athletics, their academics and especially their civil engineering department is top notch. If I more certainly wanted to study geotechnical/earthquake engineering, this would definitely be the place, since it gets rocked frequently. And any school that hates the University of Spoiled Children is alright with me.


• Oregon State - I'm not sure how much I'd actually enjoy being part of the OSU community, but at this point, I'm a fan of the civil engineering program. I don't hate Oregon now, but I'm sure I would after being an OSU student for over a year.


• Colorado, Boulder - As much as Boulder is full of hippie stoners, I think that CU-Boulder has the best program in the state and I wouldn't mind going there if I could get an assistantship. On the upside to this one, I have many friends in the north Denver area and I would live near my parents for optimal mooching. And with the Buffs joining the Pac-12 next year, it makes the 4th consecutive Pac-12 school.


• Wisconsin, Madison - In a place where the mosquito is the state bird, I'm not sure I could make through my time there without dropping the F-bomb once or twice, though I'm not sure that anyone really cares. Wisconsin's program is ranked number 16 in the nation, though I'm not sure that it's actually worth it to live in such a dismal local.


• Notre Dame - As I've mentioned before on this blag, the price at Notre Dame is right. Anyone who is admitted to ND in for civil engineering automatically gets a graduate assistantship, and therefore, no one pays tuition. I respect Notre Dame's football program, but also think that Brian Kelly is a douchebag. The best thing about that is that BYU is going to play them several times over the next few years.


• Brigham Young - The place where I got my undergrad degree. I'm almost positive that either Dr. Gerber or Dr. Hotchkiss would want me to do research with them and I could get some sort of assistantship there. Additionally I already have good friends that alread live there, and assuming that my former roommates can manage to kick out the guy from Dell Tech Support, I know exactly where I want to live. And don't forget, I left BYU without a ring...

I'm not totally sure that BYU would be my absolute last choice, but it really depends on where else I get in. The application deadlines for most all of these schools is January 15th, so I'd need to start working on these applications in about mid-October in order to finish them. The first one due is UCLA on the 15th of December, so if I don't have a job by then, the application is going in.

Hopefully, at some point, I can get Plan A to start working out for me so that I don't even have to consider Plan F until several years down the road. In addition to Plan F, there is also Plan Z which involves finding a job that pays about $15 an hour or more, since this is about the minimum that I can make and still pay my bills, whether it's in any way relevant to my degree or not. Then there's also Plan Γ (gamma), which, as I've already mentioned, involves hopping on a train and being a hobo for about 10 years.

At this point, I'm rooting for Plan A...

Unemployment

If you've read anything that I've been posting over the last month or two, you really should know that I'm unemployed. My degree was posted to my transcripts on Thursday of this last week. With that, I am now fully unemployed, with no doubts about it. I've also been rejected from just as many jobs as ever recently and have been applying to yet more. I honestly don't think there's anything more that I can do... legally... that would more effectively help me find a job. Also, at my interview with WTI, I found out that I would be perfectly qualified for the job, that they wanted to hire me, and that I could start almost immediately, however, the job pays a glorious $11 and hour. And lest you think, "Well, you should just take what you can get," I should inform or remind you that my education was, in large part, financed with debt and that I owe in the neighborhood of $20,000 on those loans. A paltry $11 an hour is literally not enough for me to pay my bills and eat. (Trust me, I made an Excel spreadsheet and tried to squeeze my finances as much as I could, but without selling my blood plasma 6 times a week, I can't live on $11 an hour.) So, I'm pretty much left at square one. I have no job, no offers, have had one joke of an interview, and very few prospects for the future. To convolute matters, my father has issued the ultimatum that I must move out of his house by February 13th, 2011... which is about the same time my student loans come due.

So, all of this makes me really wonder what the *H* I'm going to do with my life if I don't have a job by that all-important date on the calendar. At this point, I think I would pack some limited amount of my crap into a bag and make my way back to Provo, somehow, someway. At that point I would probably bum places to sleep and meals off of whoever I could until I could find something on which my time is worth spending. One of my friends in Provo, Paul Bascom, mentioned that it would be a good idea to start an Arrested Development-esque banana stand in Provo. Honestly, I think this is a great idea and wouldn't mind contributing. Heck, since I'm genuinely unemployed, I could work there pretty much everyday that we'd be open, and maybe even make enough money to pay my bills... who knows.

At the same time, I've kind of been wondering if I should just become a legitimate hobo, since we're in the midst of the Great Depression v2.0 and my preferred industry has been hit especially hard. I think I might enjoy hopping on trains and making my way across the country; meeting up with other hobos and swapping hobo stories. Maybe find someplace to shower and then drop off a few résumés along the way. And heck, with Obamacare, I don't even have to worry about getting dysentery, since all expenses are paid by the United States government. Eating out of the dumpster behind Fazoli's just became that much more practical. At the same point, there are some implicit occupational hazards associated with being a hobo. Douchebags like the kind of douchebags who watch Jackass like to pick fights with hobos wherever they may end up. And people just generally like to kick and assault hobos just because they can. I think I'd have to cover this problem by carrying around a hobo knife with me. Like the hobo from the Simpsons sang, "Nothin' beats the hobo life, stabbin' folks with my hobo knife!" In this case, I think I'd have to carry around the Sog Seal 2000 that I got for Christmas a few years back. This thing has about a 6-in long, hardened steel blade that could puncture just about any portion of the human body... and is used by the Navy Seals, in case you couldn't tell. And if you're a hobo, the government can't come and collect you student loans. I'd have no permanent address and no assets to speak of... what are they going to do? Seize my ephing knapsack? I don't think so.

You might also wonder why, if I'm going to live as a hobo anyway, would I not just take a crappy $11 an hour job and then live under a bridge with a PO Box. Well, I've clearly thought of that, and there are several problems. Not the least of these is that, when you have a job, your boss co-workers, and everyone around you expects you to shower more or less daily. Not happening as a hobo. Additionally, I have the slightest sense of entitlement that tells me, "If I'm going to be working my @$$ off to make some money, I'm going to have a roof over my head." Honestly, I don't think that this is too much to expect. The last problem that I could foresee would be the lack of flexibility. The only reason why I'd live the hobo life is so that I could hop trains and end up in new places based on my arbitrary desires. I would be the master of my own destiny, regardless of how bleak that destiny actually was. If I had to be my boss' b*tch during the day, then get kicked by douchebags at night, with no promise of reprieve, I would almost certainly go homicidal... and probably suicidal too. It would really be the worst of both worlds.

All aspirations of being a hobo aside, the BYU STEM career fair is on the 22nd of September... and there's even another one on February 1st of next year. I'm hoping that I can find something remotely promising at that event, or at least pick up some good schwagg that will help me live my life as a hobo. I'm also just going to keep applying for jobs and try to have the blessing of the Lord with me, since I think we both know that that's the only way that someone's going to find a job in this crapconomy.

Shotgun Approach

I've decided that, instead of trying to dedicate an individual blag entry to each of things that I have floating, or dancing, or screaming in my head, I'd just say a couple of things about each of them.

• I graduated from BYU. After enduring through countless hours, tests, and erasures... and being subjected to the sadism of BYU Math and BYU Poli Sci, I'm finally done.
• GPA's: Overall - 3.54, Generals w/ Religion - 3.56, Generals w/o Religion - 3.40, Civil Engineering - 3.53, Management Minor - 3.80.
• If BYU ever posts my degree to my transcripts, I will be unemployed. Technically, you don't count as unemployed until you're out of school. However, I've felt pretty unemployed for the past 4 months.
• I actually have a job interview on Thursday for a job in Babylon. After 8 months of carefully placing resumes around the country, I finally got an actual interview.
• The job doesn't pay what I wish it did, but it would be at least somewhat related to my area of study and it would by far superior to nothing. It's for a construction materials testing technician. Basically, I would make concrete cylinders and break them according to ASTM and AASHTO standards.
• I could appreciate finding a job in Utah. I mean, I did leave BYU without a ring, after all. Between the girls and the friends I have in Happy Valley, I'd like the opportunity to work and to continue living in Utah.
• I've had the song, "Paint with All the Colors of the Wind" from the movie Pocahontas stuck in my head for the last 6 days. It all started when I heard Candace Shields sing in sacrament meeting. Her voice reminded me of Pocahontas, and now that I don't really have much in the way of responsibility or business, the song has been stuck in my head.
• Once I actually get a job, I'll actually get a car for the first time in my life. There are many ways that I want to be like Jesus, however walking everywhere I go isn't one of them. My dad and I have been talking about getting a brand new Chevrolet Cobalt. :D
• I've decided that, if I get a Ph.D. I want to get it from Georgia Tech... mostly just because I want to sing their wicked-cool fight song at a football game.
• At some point here soon, I'm going to make a poster to parody the BYU BGS poster that asks, "Leave BYU Without a Degree?" by replacing the word 'Degree' with 'Spouse.'
• I've decided that I want to name my firstborn son, 'Scott Manning,' not only after the legit rockstar Scott Manning, but also in honor of the man who came up with arguably the most useful and most controversial relationship in fluid mechanics, Osbourne Manning.
• I kind of want to change my middle name to, 'The Hands,' or 'μαλάκα,' or 'τα χέρια.'

That should pretty much do it. Now for the Georgia Tech fight song, a clear beacon of morality in these latter days :P

Somebody to Love would be Good Too...

Based on my recent struggles with employment and the crapconomy, I've decided to rewrite the classic Queen song, "Somebody to Love." Enjoy.

Someplace I Can Work
Remix of 'Somebody to Love'
by Queen

Can anybody find me someplace I can work?

Each time I check my email I die a little.

Can Hardly believe what I see.

I take a look at my CV and I cry.

Oh, what's been happening to me?

I've spent all of my years believing that,

If I had a degree I'd be fine!

Somebody, Somebody...

Can anybody find me someplace I can work?

I'll work hard every day of my life.

I'll work till I ache in my bones.

I don't even ask for much hard-earned pay all of my own.

I feel like there are bees,

chasing after me,

but they're really my student loans!

Oh somebody, somebody...

Can anybody find me someplace I can work?

(He'll work hard)

Everyday I apply and apply and apply

But everybody wants to send me down

To the unemployment line!

They say my benefits are about to run out

Got no way to pay

I'm even on my 14th mortgage!

No, no no no...

Oh Gosh,

Somebody, somebody...

Can anybody find me someplace I can work?

Got no cash, I got no credit.

The bank keeps taking my stuff.

Not okay, not alright.

I don't want to sell my spleen!

I gotta get out of this economy.

Someday I'm gonna be employed!

Find me someplace I can work.

Can anybody find me someplace I can work?

Thanks for that Dr. Benzley

Today I got an email from BYU's civil engineering department asking me to fill out an exit survey before I graduate and that it's required for graduation, blah blah blah. Before today, I was kind of looking forward to this email because it meant that the CE department had actually been keeping track of me and that I am indeed on track to graduate in two weeks. However, once I opened the exit survey and started filling out the questions, I was slightly less than contented. I'm sure that my department chair, Dr. Steven E. Benzley didn't mean to totally defame my character and make me look like a worthless waste of flesh, but that's pretty much how it turned out. Here are the first four questions from the survey. The rest of them are irrelevant to my point and mostly consist of me crapping on the incendiary evil that is the math department.

1. Where will you be working after graduation?
2. What is the salary range of job offers you have received so far?
3. Are you married?
4. Did you serve an LDS mission?

Those were literally the first four questions on the survey. Of all the failures I've had over the past 4 years, these are clearly the most poignant and agitating. When you submit mission papers and the Church says, "Hell no, you won't go!" you don't exactly feel like you're the king of the world. You could argue that this wasn't actually my fault, but you're certainly not going to convince my subconscious. As the Divine Comedy skit 'Zoobie and the Beast' put it, "The point of college is to get married!" At BYU, this is obnoxiously valid and rigorously followed by students and ecclesiastical leaders. Barring some tragic turn of events that would result in me getting married in the next two weeks, this isn't going to happen. My relationships with both fiancée #1 and fiancée #2 serve as the pinnacle of my inability to fulfill my BYU destiny. And finally, I've busted my A for the last 4 years to be able to earn a degree that was actually useful and would land me a good job after college. Little did I know that in 2010, a BS in Civil Engineering would be about as useful as a BA in English. My BS is genuinely BS at this point. Perhaps it's that I have no real experience to speak of, or maybe it's that my résumé just sucks, because I have applied for ~300 jobs and I have not heard back from a single one of them for an interview. Yeah, that's right, it's not my lack of professionalism or personal skills that are holding me back... at least not yet, it's actually just that people see my résumé and say, "No thanks."

So I thank you BYU Civil Engineering Department for pointing out my most significant failures from the last 4 years and then jamming them into my eye sockets. I would liken my feelings right now to a red-hot cast iron torsion sample thrusted squarely and firmly into the groin... or so. Now the best part is that I get to answer similar questions 2, 5, and 10 years from now as a follow-up. Hooray for reliving this wonderful event... and hooray beer!

Chalk One up to 'Opportunities'

In my recent job search I've come across a few opportunities that fall under the category of: "Radically hypocritical reverse discrimination, but I'll take it because of the crapconomy." Just a couple of days ago the Holy Grail of all reverse discrimination job opportunities fell into my hands, but first, a little background.

For any who don't know, I am actually 1/8 Alaskan Native. Before you ask your next question, the tribe is 'Athapaskan,' and it's okay that you haven't heard of it... I wouldn't have either if I was you. In general, I've been putting "American Indian or Alaskan Native" in the EEO box thing of job applications, just to see if I can pique any interest, but there are some jobs for which that distinction is absolutely mandatory, in my mind. A few months ago, I found a civil engineering company that was owned and operated by Alaskan Natives with an opportunity for an entry-level civil engineer in Tucson, AZ. On this application, I not only put that I was an Alaskan Native, but that I am a descendant of an Alaskan Natives Corporation shareholder, but more on that later. Sadly, they ended up deciding not to fill that position, and indeed issue a hiring freeze at their Tucson office, as far as I can tell, but there is still hope.

Before I proceed, a little history lesson for the vast majority of the population is in order. In 1971, good old Dick Nixon signed into law the Alaskan Native Claims Settlement Act. This act formed thirteen corporations which own and operate land and other resources in Alaska and gives Alaskan Natives almost absolute autonomy. As it turns out, my mother, being 1/4 Alaskan Native was issued 100 shares in the corporation Doyon, Limited. Doyon owns much of the land surrounding Denali and Fairbanks in central Alaska all the way over the Canadian border, which is where the Athapaskans reside, but that's tertiary. The minimum standard for being issued shares in the corporation is 1/4 blood, so I don't qualify to get shares, but when it comes to getting jobs with such corporations, I can indeed claim that I am a shareholder descendant and still get preference.

So, on Wednesday in my finance class we had a computer lab, so naturally I was surfing the internet instead of doing the mind-numbing spreadsheet that was assigned. I was searching for jobs mostly to no avail, when I thought of Doyon and thought that they might have something close to my field of interest. As I came to the jobs portion of the site, I found that there was an opening for an entry-level construction engineer in Federal Way, WA. I wasn't able to apply for the job right then and there, since I didn't have my flash drive, but as soon as I got home I started re-writing my resume and cover letter to fully embrace my Alaskan Native heritage and to express my desire to work for the company that I've heard so much about since I can remember and submitted my application for that job.
I'm not totally sure what will come of this, but I'm pretty positive that there aren't many Doyon shareholders that graduate with degrees in civil engineering. And I'm also pretty sure that most who do don't graduate with a 3.53 GPA. If I do end up getting this job, I'll also be pretty well set to go to the University of Washington for grad school, especially since it's just right up the road. In the end, I'm not sure that I'll get this job, but it's probably the best opportunity that's dropped into my lap since my dad brought my mom and I together and said, "Guys, I'm going back to church, I want you to come with me at least once, just to see how you feel about it." :D

SWOT Analysis of my Life

Recently in both my marketing and HR classes, we've talked about "SWOT Analysis." This method of analyzing a business looks at the both the internal factors of a business' potential progress (strengths and weaknesses) and the external factors (opportunities and threats). I figure that at this juncture, it really couldn't hurt to do this kind of analysis for my own life to help me to attain both my relatively short-term goals and my more long term goals. Some of these goals include: getting a job for after college, getting married, being a halfway decent person both morally and socially, and achieving exaltation and eternal life after this life is said and done. Certainly not an inclusive list of goals but a good start... Anywho, on to the analysis:

Strengths

• Pure Intelligence - It was Marion Morrison who said, "Life is hard, and it's even harder if you're stupid." In my case, I have intelligence on the order of about 4.5 standard deviations above average and it will serve me well in achieving almost all of my goals, as long as I don't begin to suppose that I'm smarter than God, that's always a dangerous path.
• In the Long-term, a Useful Degree - Though right now I kind of feel like I've been getting a very-much-more-difficult-than-usual BA in English for the last 4 years, after the Great Depression v2.0 passes, my degree will actually regain value and I should... SHOULD be able to actually find good jobs that will pay reasonably well.
• My Testimony - I don't feel bad telling all 4 people who read my blag that is says in my patriarchal blessing that my testimony will become a cherished possession. While this hasn't happened yet, I at least know, on the most basic level possible that The Christ is the redeemer of my soul and that the Eternal God loves me whether I feel it or not. And along with this knowledge come hope for the future in this life and hope for the things of a better world, as Ether put it.

Weaknesses

• Social Awkwardness - Based on the way my parents raised me, it's almost a miracle that I made it out of high school alive. People who know me well can tell you that I have virtually negligible shame and am likely to say and do things that will make you feel awkward in social situations; and Aric F@$$w@$$ was even willing to give me an award in the same. This lack of PCness is also combined with the fact that I'm an engineer and have spent several hours a day for the past 4 years in the Clyde Building and just generally that I'm a Mormon. It all adds up to quite a bit of social awkwardness.
• Lack of RM Badge - Serving a full-time, proselyting mission is an absolute right of passage for young men in the LDS Church. Most young, LDS men will tell you that their mission was the "Best two year of their life." I didn't have those two years. I'm perfect willing to admit that ever since I didn't go on a mission, I've had a harder time finding sufficient motivation to live the gospel as I know it to be true. Even the temple of God itself has become a house of remorse and lamentation... and full of old, pretentious douchebags who ask any dude in the baptismal font when he's going on a mission. Also, if you'd told me when I was 18 that first dates could be more awkward than they already were, I would have laughed you to scorn. However the standard first date question, "Where did you serve your mission?" has done a disturbingly good job proving 18-year-old me wrong.
• Insanity - You might think that I'm joking and/or exaggerating when I say that I'm friggin' crazy. I would submit that you're only right some of the time. As an update to my last post, I am not qualified for Army OCS because I've been treating for chemical imbalances in my brain. I don't know if the Air Force has similar qualification standards... it hasn't come up. In some very limited contexts, being crazy might help me to obtain my goals, but for the most part, it's just a hindrance and a limitation as far as I can tell.
• Physical Fitness - The 89th section of the Doctrine and Covenants says that those who abide by its precepts will be able to run and not be weary. I've clearly not been following that counsel very well. A lack of physical fitness could very well keep me out of the military for good and is certainly not an asset when trying attract a potential spouse. In the long term, I could end up living like my Grandpa on my dad's side who has had at least 5 heart attacks of varying severity and can barely get up out of chair without being short of breath.

Opportunities

• Cars and Money - If, by the grace of God, I am actually blessed to find a job in my chosen field, I will, for pretty much the first time in my life, be able to afford a car and not live below the poverty line. This will give me much greater opportunity to have fun, do good in the world, and maybe, just maybe the benefits of dating might exceed the social and emotion costs. And if you haven't seen the Good Charlotte Song, you should. PS-The video for that song looks suspiciously like the Single Adults dance that I saw 5 minutes of in Cedar City.
• HDR & RKCI - Probably my best opportunities for employment are with HDR in Denver and with RKCI in the Utah Valley. A few weeks ago, I talked with one of the PM's for HDR who lives in my stake back home and he said that they recently got the contract to design an extension of the light rail system in Denver and they would need to staff that soon. Anyone who has driven through Lehi, UT over the past few weeks has noticed that there's massive construction going on on I-15 in this area. To most this in an inconvenience, but to me it is a sign of sweet, glorious progress. RKCI won the contract to oversee quality control on the I-15 core designs and has been hiring recent graduates in Civil Engineering and Construction Management.
• Women - Over the past several weeks, I've met several women who I'd like to get to know better, which doesn't necessarily happen very often. Let me just say that my current ward is freaking awesome and I wouldn't mind living around here for several more years, even if it meant living in an insect-infested dump. I'm sure that there are nice women all around, but dang, Hampton Court is where it's at. :D

Threats

• Crapconomy - I never would have thought in 2002, when I decided that I wanted to become a civil engineer that some douchebag* would enact AA reform that was meant to give minorities a better opportunity for home ownership, but really just allowed I-banker types to speculate in the housing market. Since this actually did happen, the demand for Civil Engineers has shifted down significantly as those who were working in private development move to whatever projects are left and government infrastructure spending nationwide grinds to a halt. What it all adds up to in 2010 is that anyone without 5 years experience and/or a masters degree isn't going to find a job in civil engineering very easily anytime soon.
• Obamacare - Sometimes I wonder if Barack Obama sits in the Oval Office and thinks, "Hmm, how can I screw over William 'The Hands' White today?" I'm sure that Obamacare benefits somebody (who's probably black, btw) ,but it's certainly not me. Since my health care provider knows that it will have to cover more prospective college graduates soon under Obamacare, it's getting rid of the ones it has now in order to cut its losses. Additionally, uncertainty in the future of health care is making its costs increase, making something that was unaffordable two years ago, ridiculously expensive. With the crapconomy the way it is, if I don't have a job in the next month, I'm not going to have any health insurance... period, and I will be thoroughly Ephed. PS-Vote Republican.
• Militant Feminazism - Over the past few years, I've liked to say, "If chivalry is dead, it was choked out by the smoke of flaming bras," or something like that. More recent generations of women seem to feel entitled to an equal opportunity, and even worse, equal outcome with their male counterparts without sharing in any of the negative aspects or burdens. My generation, in the world, seems to like to minimize and reduce as much as possible the differentiation between men and women. The Latter-day Saints of my generation seem to do the same thing, but to a much lesser degree (ie. without militaristic enforcement) and only picking and choosing the situations in which women should be indifferentiable from men. Overall, militant feminazism is the greatest threat to my desire and ability to procure a spouse... and I might just have to devote an entire blag post to my views on it.

So there you have it. To me, this is scarier than $h1+ and kinda makes me want to cower away in a corner. However I have hope that all will work out and that I will be able to use my strengths and opportunities and the knowledge of my weaknesses and threats to my advantage to be able to achieve both my short and long-term goals.

*It's probably best that I don't know who this douchebag is, because I would find him and shank him in the face with a red-hot cast iron prison shiv.

Boo Downward Shift in Aggregate Demand, Hooray Beer!

So, just in case you've been living in Outer Kreplachistan, Haiti, or the abysmal depths of the Congo for the last year or so, the United States and most of the developed world have been going through a big-A recession. Whatever you believe the cause of this recession may be, I would like to submit right now that the wallets of everyone not named Barack H. Obama are pretty tightly sealed. It's actually China that really providing the capital, but that's tertiary. My point is that trying to find any source of cash, whether it's a g-o-b, or just selling off your Earthly possessions is a bit rough. In my case, I picked a really bad time to graduate from college and actually try to find a job.

Over the course of the past few weeks, I've been trying to come up with something of a Plan B that would actually be feasible in case I don't find a job by August. Previously, the only real alternatives that I could come up with were going to graduate school right after I finish my undergraduate degree or being drastically underemployed for some period of time until I could find a real job. Long story short; both of these options suck. Practically all of the grad school application deadlines for fall semester have evaporated and I don't have the cash to wait until January and starting on a Winter/Spring semester. Not to mention that I wouldn't have any cash for school and my course sequencing would be shot. Furthermore, I shouldn't need to mention that I really don't want to work at Dick's Sporting Goods while I wait for the economy to recover.

A few days ago I thought of a new option that I hadn't particularly considered before but seems to be more and more viable with each employment rejection email that I get. Since, at this point, I could literally withdraw from all of my summer classes and still get a bachelor's degree, I am now contemplating completing officer training/candidate school (OTS) and going into the military as a engineer officer. As I previously mentioned, this is still a Plan B. If I can find a civil engineering job in the private sector that I actually want, I'll almost undoubtedly take that over going in the military. However, I turned in 6 job applications this last Saturday and got 4 rejection emails by Monday afternoon. As the title of this post implies, there's just nothing out there. That being said, there is a definite question of which branch of the military I would want to go into if it came down to that. Since the Marines doesn't have engineers, I can't swim very well, and Navy engineers are called "Seabees," (literally, I'm not making this up, see Wikipedia) it pretty much comes down to the Army or the Air Force. A Pro-Con analysis follows:

Army:

PRO:

• I would get experience with two of the things I'm most passionate about relative to engineering: bridges and blowing stuff up.
• The Army generally has more openings and therefore easier placement for an engineer officer MOS.
• Connections in the Army Corps of Engineers definitely wouldn't hurt my career aspirations after I got out.
• I like the Army's uniforms.
• The pay for a second lieutenant with less than two years in is about 10% ($3000) higher.
  

CON:

• Designing infrastructure that helps troops advance often involves being IN FRONT of the front lines. Death or dismemberment is much more likely.
  
• I'd have to be almost 20 lbs lighter than I am right now in order to make weight.
• You get thrown into basic with all the other goons, even if you're going in as an officer.
  

Air Force:

PRO:

• Both of my parents were in the Air Force; in fact, that's how they met. As such, I've been raised liking the Air Force, rooting for the AFA in football, etc.
  
• Especially now, the Air Force seems to have plenty of opportunities for engineers and others with technical backgrounds, though not as many.
• Ironically, there are people with the title "Civil Engineer" in the Air Force.
• I'd only have to drop about 5 or 10 pounds to make weight.
• Seeing as the United States hasn't really conceded air superiority since World War II, the chances of death or dismemberment are greatly reduced.
• The Air Force's OTS program is like an integration of basic training and officer training. Not quite as much getting backslapped by TIs.
  
• I already know the US Air Force song.

CON:

• The pay isn't as good, though sufficient.
• Dang, those uniforms are ugly.
• Assuming I was commissioned as an engineer, I'd probably be working on projects that I'd be somewhat less excited about, namely environmental.

As of today, I have requested more information from both the Air Force and the Army. The Air Force asked me more questions about what degree I was getting and how it could be applicable to the things I'd be doing in the military. They also sent me a, more or less, thank you email. Let me just say that I found that whole process to be very classy on their part. The Army seemed to be business as usual. I'll look through the information that they send me and see what either one has to offer. Honestly, I'd really like to choose neither, but we'll see how that goes.