Over the past few weeks/months/...eh probably not years... I've found my heart in possession of a woman with whom I have somewhat regular companionship, yet not an incredibly deep relationship of any sort. This is most definitely nothing new to me. I've found that the 6th grade (for most people, more like the 8th for me ) has continued more or less indefinitely until the present day. I find myself applying an intricate methodology for assessing the desirability of a woman analytically. When I find one who scores high in my own mind it's only natural that I would want to make her mine. Yet, all this analysis has omitted one of if not the most important factors in building relationships, emotion. Thus there is total dissonance between the formulated desire to form a relationship and the actual entrance strategy. In more plain terms, my mind is telling me, "Heck yes, hit that!" and my heart is telling me, "Whoa, back off there cowboy, them's choppy waters up ahead." I'm not sure my analogy really worked there, but I'm going to run with it anyway.
So, back to the story with which I started this blag post. There's been one particular woman on whom I've been crushing on like a dirty, 6th grade n00b. In my own mind she's just perfect. She's about the kindest person on the face of the Earth. Our senses of humor are very compatible. She's at about the optimal height for a man of my height. She has a valiant testimony of the Lord. She has achieved an optimal physical attractiveness, one which attracts me very much to her, but doesn't result in a dudefest at her apartment every night. And the best part is that she makes me want to be a better man than I currently am, both with her example of testimony and with just the woman that she is. I suppose that we would make a very good (not to mention cute) couple. And thus I present to you my analysis.
The emotional side of my relationship with this woman is quite the contrast from the analysis which I just described. When I'm around this particular woman I feel like my shoulder devil is a full grown man and my shoulder angel is out to lunch. There seems to be a voice whispering in my ear, "William, you know that you don't deserve a woman who's made of pure awesome like this one." or "You couldn't even keep that woman entertained, much less happy... bwahahahaha!!!" (PS-I know who that voice is, I need no council there. I did call him my full-grown shoulder devil after all. :P) Looking at these claims analytically could and would disprove them, but there is little if any analytical cognition when in the presence of women made of 100% pure awesome, it's all emotion. And as long as the emotion reigns there seems to be my full grown... maybe even morbidly obese, shoulder devil there to deter me.
As previously touched upon, I'm not entirely sure what the solution to such a problem would be. I'm sure that with faith in the Lord all things are possible. I have faith that he will guide me and aid me in everything that I need to do. I've felt that he also wants me to struggle with such a trial as this in this life so that I might be able to learn valuable lessons about the gospel and the principles of exaltation and eternal increase. As such, it is up to me to decide when I am willing to make the necessary sacrifices to be able to overcome these trials with the Lord's help. Will this happen in a timetable which will allow me to woo the woman who currently holds my fancy? Probably not. Will it be worth it in the long run? Certainly.
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