Over my about 22.5 years of life so far, I've gained some wisdom that I wish everyone, especially those in my age range, understood. This wisdom is a knowledge of the segmentation of and difference between three oft-confused things: Love, Lust, and Infatuation. In the US, we often add the meaning of latter two in the first. Like any word or words in English or other languages, the definitions of these can vary depending on who you ask and the context of the statement in which the word is used. There's a whole field of people who don't make any money as they study semantics. There are often no clean cut, concrete definitions for words and when there are, the definitions are always changing. Regardless of how you define the three words listed above, I have gained some insight into three phenomena of human interpersonal relationships that I have labeled as Love, Lust, and Infatuation, and I would encourage anyone who reads this to understand them and, at least in general, refer to them as such.
Much of my insight into these three interpersonal phenomena has come through my study of religion and religious texts. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and my knowledge of these three things is irreversibly tied to my membership in this church and to my faith. I will refer to scriptural passages and to principles of the Gospel of Christ inasmuch as they have helped me learn about phenomena of human behavior.
Infatuation
Infatuation, as I know it, is an intense desire to be with a person to whom one is physically or emotionally attracted. In contemporary America, we often say things like "falling in love," when we refer to infatuation. This phenomena can be either one or two-sided; one person can be infatuated with another either with or without reciprocation. When infatuation is reciprocated, it often results in a passionate, whirlwind relationship. The sad truth that we all must face is that infatuation, no matter how fervent, is temporary. No matter how much we think we care for someone or how "in love" we may be, the infatuation will always burn out. Sociologists have studied the phenomenon of infatuation and have found that it generally lasts, at most, two years. Regardless of who is involved, the intense feeling of attraction of one person to another will usually die out within two years time. The important part is what we decide to do after that time.
Allow me to say, as a disclaimer, that I believe in the principles of evolution and the principles of creation and I do not believe that these two are mutually exclusive. You can disagree, and that's just fine with me. That being said, I will get on with my point. Evolutionary biologists tell us that infatuation developed in humans in order to increase our reproductive output. In other words, if we didn't fall into an intense attraction for another person we wouldn't reproduce nearly as much. The genes that inhibit infatuation have been naturally deselected, in a manner of speaking. I would just add that the God of heaven created us with a propensity for infatuation so that we would want to get married and fulfill that aspect of His eternal plan. If we were really thinking about what marriage would be like instead of idealizing it through the rose-colored glasses of infatuation, I get the feeling that there would be drastically fewer marriages.
Infatuation is important, but it is even more important to recognize it and to recognize when it has faded and how one should proceed.
Lust
Paul the apostle used the word "lust" in many of his letters to various Eurasian churches in his day. The use of this word was often in reference to sexual desire and the expression thereof. This meaning of the word persists today such that it is almost used interchangeably with sexual desire. However, I propose a broader definition that encompasses more than just sexual lust. Lust is, at its core, selfishness. I would describe lust as a desire for something whether concrete or intangible such that one is willing to sacrifice the well being of others. In the case of sexual lust, one is desirous to engage in sexual behaviors for the sole purpose of satisfying his or her desire, without regard to the desires and welfare of others involved. Merely harboring these desires is enough to constitute lust and acting on them involves a greater degree of lust. I believe that lust, in general, should be essentially synonymous with selfishness and greed. Putting your own desires before those of others is at the heart of lust.
The best example of lust is that of Lucifer in the premortal life as far as Latter-day Saints understand it. In the grand council of heaven, the plan of salvation, which we are living, was presented before the children of God. In this plan, the children of God would have to choice to follow him and to be redeemed by Christ, or not. Lucifer, who is Satan rebelled against God, saying, "Behold, here am I, send me, I will be thy son, and I will redeem all mankind, that one soul shall not be lost, are surely I will do it; wherefore give me thine honor." Moses 4:1. It is common amongst Latter-day Saints to suppose that Satan's plan would have forced humanity to do good. I believe, however, that this was actually one in which there was no law and thus all would be saved by default and in which none would be able to progress. Satan so desired the glory and honor of God that he was willing to sacrifice the eternal welfare of all the children of God to get it. This is the most profound example of lust that can be found.
Love
Love is the opposite of lust and selfishness and can thus be characterized as selflessness or giving. Paul used the word "charity" to describe how the saints should treat others. Said he, "Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, it is not puffed up." 1 Cor 13:4. In this context, the word "charity" could and should be interchanged with "love." Love, in its purest form, is the state of being willing to make personal sacrifices on behalf of another.
In his book, "The Five Love Languages," Dr. Gary Chapman reveals that there are essentially five ways that a person can feel loved by another. These are the five love languages. In this book, Dr. Chapman emphasizes that it is important to speak your spouse's love language, even and especially, if it not your own. Regardless of how big or small the sacrifice might be, Dr. Chapman emphasizes that it is important to make sacrifices in order to make one's spouse feel love. He also states that it is impossible to force someone to love you, everyone has the freedom to choose whether they will make some sacrifice on behalf of others or not.
The premier example of love is, of course, the Savior, Jesus Christ. Because he desired our eternal welfare, he suffered beyond all mortal comprehension and willingly died. He made the ultimate sacrifice so that all mankind could return to God and become His disciples. The well-known scripture John 3:16 truly shows what love is and should be.
Earlier in this post, I said that it is important to know what one should do in a reciprocal relationship after the infatuation has worn off. What you should do, if you haven't already, is to love. When the infatuation wears off, you should be prepared to make sacrifices on behalf of your partner/spouse so that he or she can feel loved by you. Even better, you should get in the habit of making sacrifices while the infatuation is still there, before they even begin to feel like sacrifices. God has also commanded us that we should love everyone, not just our significant others. It is important for all of us to show love to everyone who we meet, whether we'd trust them with our children, or not. I don't know this from experience and I have never really done it myself, but I do know that this is the way that God has prepared for His children to be happy.
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