Mom-Crush

In the approximately four years since my family became members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I've observed a very strange phenomenon in my mother. Before we joined the church, my mother had absolutely no access to women in my age bracket. Additionally, before I joined the church, I had a pretty open disdain for marriage, as I saw the costs far outweighing the benefits. I'm glad to report that since I've joined the church, I've found a very strong interest in pursuing an eternal marriage if and when the time is right. But getting back to matter at hand, I've found that ever since my mom has had access to eligible women in my age bracket that she's decided that there will be one person who she idealizes and thinks that I should marry.

The first manifestation of this phenomenon was was with one Miss Lara Renz. Lara was nice, but definitely had issues. Her family has visited their home Webster Lake Ward rarely and have been contending with the current Bishop Smith over tithing and food order issues. She was also on the five year plan on her "online" high school... along with other, unmentionable, issues. To top it all off, I had absolutely zero... maybe even negative physical attraction to this woman. I will admit to one on my shallow pet peeves; if a woman does not have a chin, I'm out... and nothing could make me get over the fact that Lara's face transitioned straight into neck. Anywho, my mom decided that she really wanted me to be married to this woman, though I knew that I was having no part of it, so it wasn't that bothersome.

When my mother got over that crush, she found a new woman who she decided I should marry. Her name was Tasha N. Trembath. I threw the 'N' in there because her initials are "TNT" and I think that's freakin' awesome. Now this was quite a stretch from Lara. Tasha was about the biggest sweetheart I've ever met, and her 5'9" frame and long brown hair made her very attractive to me. Despite these factors though, I found that I just could not bring myself to date her. The reason you ask? A textbook case of the Mom-Crush. The reason that I really couldn't date Tasha is because my mother was infatuated with her to the point that the thought of her interjections into our relationship made me a tidbit nauseous.

I really don't know entirely why my mother's infatuations with me marrying a certain woman entirely turns me off to that woman, but it definitely does. It could be because I really just want to spite her. It could be because my mom would totally and entirely take her side if and when we argued over anything. It could just be because two women are generally not better than one. All I can say is that I'm merely trying to avoid any manifestation of the "Ray Barone Syndrome." Not that my wife and mother would hate each other, au contraire, they would love each other so much that they would team up against me. I'm not honestly sure what the solution to the Mom-Crush phenomenon is. I could bring home a woman that my mom would absolutely despise, (ie blonde with a thin figure and large breasts) but that just wouldn't be the woman for me. I could also move far far away, (at this point, looking at Georgia... my mom wouldn't be caught dead there,) and I will probably do so as soon as possible. Somehow, I believe the true solution relies on finding some sort of balance between the two.